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The courts in our area permit custodial mothers to move all the time .... we had one where Mom moved a sizable distance, and visiting Dad just got told he could always have his 2 weeks during the summer.
Yeah, in what universe did you dream this one up? It's very difficult to move outside of a reasonable distance when you share custody of a child.
Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 04-10-2015 at 12:52 PM..
I am beginning to as well. It's like Dad is good enough to be around, but not good enough to have residential custody. The OP made reference to Mom "not letting him" take her. I've justv asked for some clarification on this point.
Because he would need her consent in order to do so. Otherwise a Judge would have to get involved, and unless Mom was an absolute deadbeat he would not order that either. As for your other point, only around two percent of child custody cases make it to court. The vast majority of Men cede custody to the childs Mother, rather than the fantasy of Judges stripping the doting Father of his rights. So if it's a problem about "residential custody" then you should be placing the blame of the people agreeing the custody arrangements in the first place.
The OP made reference to Mom "not letting him" take her
Standard stuff here, her Mom is not a bad person. There is no real "dirt" I can use against her to get full custody, the court is sympathetic towards mothers anyway. I've seen drug addicts keep their kids, mothers birthed them.
and what does that make you calling me a Neanderthal ? do you feel better now that you have shown ignorance by name calling . It never astounds me about how people can be such bullies behind a computer screen .
But it's fine to use the term "typical male response?" That's not name calling? No, it's only smearing half the people on the planet. Would you make that ignorant comment to someone's face?
Clearly, I have to suck up living here. And I don't mean that from a person standpoint, I'm just kinda sick of the SoCal lifestyle.
I think you've figured out that that isn't a good enough reason to move away from your daughter and good for you on that!
Your daughter will be 18 in 7 years and you already know the years fly by. Even if you're not all that happy with your living situation, what you'll gain by being in your daughter's life far outweighs what you give up by staying.
I'll tell you the situation of my cousin and his daughter. His daughter lives with her mom 2 hours away from her dad. She sees her dad every 2 weekends. Her dad drives Friday evening to pick her up and drops her back Sunday evening. They have a very healthy and happy relationship. This has been like this, pretty much forever as my cousin never married her mother. Her dad really appreciates every moment with his daughter. It used to be where he would not let her sleep over at my sister's house, not cuz he was a jerk, but because he wanted to spend as much time with her.
During winter break or spring break, she spends the entire break with her dad some years and during the summer, entire weeks with him. A distance can work, especially if it's not too far, but you have to make sure that every time you are with them, worthwhile. My cousin was planning to move to North Carolina last year but complications prevented him. That would have put him at a 12 hour distance or so from his daughter.
Hi all. I have found myself in a pickle and it's on my mind constantly. I had a daughter with someone that it didn't work out with, in a place I transplanted to for work. I'm still in the same city, but have since married and have a 2 y.o. daughter with my wife. I live in a high cost of living area with long commute times.
5 years ago, (we were already split) I told the 11 year olds mother we should (separately) move closer to her family so the kiddo can be by them, since I have no family in this place. I was/am willing to commute everyday to raise the quality of my daughters life, so she can be close to her immediate family. We have 50/50 custody.
Fast forward 5 years, and I admittedly didn't think about this pre-marriage, but things have of course changed. I have my wife and 2 year old to think about, and we don't live in an area we really want to, and I am commuting a long distance for all this. She also does not have any family around us. We are also not homeowners, and possibly won't be here due to the high cost of living. Our neighborhood is safe, clean, schools are average and all that, but I'm not 100% happy either. It is on our radar to move to a smaller city with lower cost of living, better schools, etc. Long story short, income is also a potential issue, if I were to lose my decent job in this high COL area, finding an equal one around here is tough. Lower income in this high cost of living area would not be good for the quality of life for my household.
So it boils down to providing for my wife and 2 y.o., who only have me, and also being here for my 11 y.o. I'm trying very hard to hold it all together, but if we did have to move away so I could find employment, I just wonder what it would do to my 11 y.o. She is resilient and get's straight A's, but she's a girl and emotional too. I provide a good life for her. Her mother would not let me take her, that's not an option.
Anyone have any input on this? Thanks
My suggestion would be to discuss with the Ex and all move within fair distance from one another. You cannot appease everyone, but if you're at least close by, she won't have to loose you twice.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
I'm speaking at a single woman with no kids who frequently dates single fathers and who grew up very close with her father.
Your current wife knew the score when she married you, so I'm not really feeling sad for her. And you're not in the optimal situation for you both to be 100% happy. Um, no offense, but "big whoop." I wasn't 100% happy where I was either, so I moved across the country. Of course, I don't have kids and am only responsible to myself - that's a choice I made for very specific reasons. I get to follow my bliss. You on the other hand need to do what's best for your kids.
Your daughter will be an adult in 7 years. And your current environment is apparently just fine for kids, so your other kid is gonna be fine. You're just not gonna be as financially comfortable. You and your wife really can't wait 7 years to relocate?
I try to imagine what it would have been like if my father had moved away when I was your daughter's age, and honestly, I can't. He was my rock during high school. He's not a great person, which is the funny part. But I needed him around, and he was always there for me. He's 83 now, and still one of the people I'm closest to.
I'm trying to picture how your daughter will feel if you pick up and move because you're just not happy living near her and you can make more money elsewhere, so you pick up with your new family and go elsewhere. But, oh, she can visit -isn't that great?
No.
^^^^^This.
OP, your daughter will feel abandoned by you. Your wife and new child can be happy where you are, and dont both your children have a right to know and grow up near each other? Wouldnt that be the healthiest situation for both of your children?
These children are related, even though their mothers are not. It feels like the new wife doesnt want her child exposed to your former child, and I could easily be wrong about that, but since you havent lost your job, that is where my mind takes me.
You need to reinforce to your new wife that you love BOTH your children equally. Your daughter will most likely chose her husband based on you. She may make a bad choice if suddenly you are 'away'.
If you dont care anymore - then you dont care anymore, but why make this thread if that is the case?
If you do leave, and wonder about any effect on the daughter - you will know for sure when later the straight A's head south. It is also messed up to pick puberty as a time to pull out on the kid. As Jrz says, you really should wait until she graduates high school. She will have an easier time understanding the move, and look at any visits thereafter as an adventure.
Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 04-11-2015 at 04:18 AM..
I'm speaking at a single woman with no kids who frequently dates single fathers and who grew up very close with her father.
Your current wife knew the score when she married you, so I'm not really feeling sad for her. And you're not in the optimal situation for you both to be 100% happy. Um, no offense, but "big whoop." I wasn't 100% happy where I was either, so I moved across the country. Of course, I don't have kids and am only responsible to myself - that's a choice I made for very specific reasons. I get to follow my bliss. You on the other hand need to do what's best for your kids.
Your daughter will be an adult in 7 years. And your current environment is apparently just fine for kids, so your other kid is gonna be fine. You're just not gonna be as financially comfortable. You and your wife really can't wait 7 years to relocate?
I try to imagine what it would have been like if my father had moved away when I was your daughter's age, and honestly, I can't. He was my rock during high school. He's not a great person, which is the funny part. But I needed him around, and he was always there for me. He's 83 now, and still one of the people I'm closest to.
I'm trying to picture how your daughter will feel if you pick up and move because you're just not happy living near her and you can make more money elsewhere, so you pick up with your new family and go elsewhere. But, oh, she can visit -isn't that great?
No.
This. Your first priority is your children. Your daughter was in your life before your wife, so your wife is going to have to deal. It's not like she didn't know you had a child. Once your daughter is an adult, you can choose to move away, but until then, I think it would be really crappy.
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It's very difficult to move outside of a reasonable distance when you share custody of a child.
