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Because when children really being over looked and are basicly being told they aren't worthy of being part of the team/lead/part/grade because another parent has snowed the teacher blind. ...it's a problem.
As I said....many teachers and coaches are hip to the game and don't fall for it...but many do or feel powerless to challenge the cabel. I want to know what is going on...if for no other reason the to make sure this sucking up doesn't creep in.
My daughter went to an inner city arts magnet school...we knew who the huge talents were (lol...my daughter wasn't one of those )...one girl is currently on broadway in a supportive role.....another boy is a back up dancer for Taylor Swift ....but that didn't stop some of the other parents from trying to get their kids ahead by sucking up to the teachers.
The joke was on these parents in the long run..because those teachers focused on talent...not pleasing the parents with deep pockets ....but in private dance troops, acting companies or sports league...they sometimes did call the shots. The kids know that if a subpar performers giving the lead or gets more playing time....how do you explain that...even if you don't make a stink about it publicly...to your child if you don't know what is happening?
I want to know whose trying to influence what my child is involved in...for better or worse.
Perhaps swimming is just different. Every child has their time on the block. It's not like other team sports where a child can be benched. At my children's request, we pay for private coaching, like many other swim parents, so there is no incentive to curry favor from the team's coaching staff. Furthermore, there is always so much going on at team practices and swim meets that nobody gets much in the way of individual attention anyway. Honestly, I'm pretty low-key about my kids' extracurriculars. I don't think it serves their best interests to do much of anything beyond ensuring their safety. Besides, now that they're in middle and high school, they really should be advocating for themselves. If they don't get picked for a relay, they are more than capable of taking it up with the coach without my help. My advice: turn a blind eye to any drama. It makes children's activities infinitely more pleasant. And if your kid comes to you with complaints, empower them to rectify the situation on their own (as long as it does not involve any type of abuse, which, of course, requires intervention).
Last edited by randomparent; 05-17-2015 at 10:00 PM..
I think the coach/teacher is as much, or possibly more to blame for situations like these. There isn't much anybody can do if it's a parent-coached activity, I think many times those parents take the role specifically to make sure their child benefits.
But when it's a class or sports program being run for profit, it's different. The adults in charge should be able to handle intrusive parents and fend them off, or at least not allow them to interfere with how the teams are run.
I've seen suck-ups through the years. I haven't seen anybody fooled by them.
I'm very nice to my children's teachers. I make sure they know how much I appreciate their efforts, I give them end of year gifts and I volunteer at their school quite a bit. If that makes me a suck up, that's ok. I'm more concerned with giving people the appreciation they deserve than what some judgmental mom has to say.
In years of multiple kids and multiple activities I have never seen anything even close to what you describe. I'm always a bit surprised at the parents who know the name of the coach/teacher.
For heaven's sake, why? Why wouldn't you know the name of the adult your child is spending time with?
I'm very nice to my children's teachers. I make sure they know how much I appreciate their efforts, I give them end of year gifts and I volunteer at their school quite a bit. If that makes me a suck up, that's ok. I'm more concerned with giving people the appreciation they deserve than what some judgmental mom has to say.
No one has said that volunteering is bad...but that those that volunteer only to get their child ahead or special favors / more play time over others is a bad thing. If you got that out of this thread then maybe you need to look at you motives.
Asking for huge amounts for "appreciation" days is very rude and off putting to maNY and it's just mean to expect it of familes when you don't know their financial situation.
No one has said that volunteering is bad...but that those that volunteer only to get their child ahead or special favors / more play time over others is a bad thing. If you got that out of this thread then maybe you need to look at you motives.
How can you possibly know what the motivation is for those of us who volunteer our time?
I don't need to look at or justify my motives to anyone. People who assume why I do what I do can go on assuming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
Asking for huge amounts for "appreciation" days is very rude and off putting to maNY and it's just mean to expect it of familes when you don't know their financial situation.
I see nothing wrong with asking parents to donate money. I don't always donate when asked but I would never be offended by it.
I'm very nice to my children's teachers. I make sure they know how much I appreciate their efforts, I give them end of year gifts and I volunteer at their school quite a bit. If that makes me a suck up, that's ok. I'm more concerned with giving people the appreciation they deserve than what some judgmental mom has to say.
No one is talking about volunteerting. In the matter I posted about, it's def. kissing butt. I mean, you would have to be over the age of 12 to not see that. Loudly so the WHOLE waiting room can yeah you "Oh, miss soandso is SOOO gorgeous. OMG look at her work the floor And like I said, for what? Your kid is in pre-school dance class. Is she going to be in the front line vs. the 2nd. And oddly enough, this women's kid is in the first row, and mines in the 2nd Strange huh?
BUT when someone is pushy and puts me on the spot multiple times to give money for a gift that I would have not chosen or given, then yeah, I'm going to judge and find your behavior really annoying. And writing down names? Why not just put "From the Class." Unless your motive is to purposely put the names on the card of only the people who gave money. I was on Cheerleading my entire life up until high school. This was competitive and come around comp. time, we were at practice 5 days a week and spent a ton of time with our coaches. Never were collections taken up for gifts, and if they were, it's not known to me that my family gave for it.
I saw this when my Daughter was playing soccer. Some of the parents were obviously kissing up with the hopes of their child playing more, but my Daughter's coach did not fall for it. He played each child equally regardless of their ability. Since even at that level its all about winning the assistant coach saw an opportunity to stab the head coach in the back by spreading all sorts of negative rumors about the coach, and subsequently getting him bounced from his job. Once that happened myself and a few other parents pulled our children off the team and found other teams for them to join. Since the majority of team members who resigned from the team were some of the strongest players the team lost ALL of the games remaining in the season. The assistant coach even tried to bring legal action against the parents who pulled their children from the team. You can sue anybody for just about anything in New York State. Needless to say the suit was laughed at by the judge (it helps that one of the parents in our group was also a lawyer) and dismissed. The Judge actually found it funny and then told the assistant coach and his lawyer if he ever wasted the court's time like that again he would be held in contempt.
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And like I said, for what? Your kid is in pre-school dance class. Is she going to be in the front line vs. the 2nd. And oddly enough, this women's kid is in the first row, and mines in the 2nd
Strange huh?
