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I resorted to spanking once in my adult kid's life. She was 3 and decided she didn't want to get dressed and was flailing around. I admit I lost my temper and gave her a single swat on the rear end. She stopped, looked at me like I had three heads, and allowed me to help her dress. Even though it's not like I traumatized her for life (or even the morning), I still feel like I failed in that moment, it was lazy parenting and I was disappointed in myself. Never did it again at least. It is never necessary.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
Oh brother. Here we go again. We can't just talk. Someone always has to get defensive.
Indeed. I've largely given up on discussing things that worked with my family - if you aren't frustrated and your kid isn't messing up, obviously you are just bragging!
It's too bad that people can't say "hey, if it worked for them, maybe there's something to it and it's worth a try" instead of a snarky "Oh, your family is so perfect"
See the Mencken quote above. It's not always that simple. What if the trip home from the park is not straigtforward, and the kid can't see the parent/siblings walking down the street? What if the kid, thinking like a kid, decides it's OK to stay at the park without adult supervision? After all, a kid's world view isn't very broad yet. S/he may not understand the situation as an adult does. And for all this talk about being arrested for spanking your kid, what do you think would happen if your kid were reported abandoned?
When did I say anything about abandoning a kid? I'm not sure why you quoted my post as it has nothing to do with what you wrote.
Ok I am not sure what you are saying. If you were eating lunch at the park, it was not something I chose to do. The funny thing about the other kids getting sucked into the natural consequence is that when the other kids are sucked into the consequences, they become your allies next time.
And really, I was discussing parenting. If anyone was snarky, it was you. And Mom, really, if you are hungry, you are the master of the kitchen and can wait.
I was talking about saibot's situation, not one of mine. I'm just saying, it's not always as simple as you make it out to be.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
Then you have kids without a natural instinct for self preservation which is actually quite unusual. Or they know you are just playing games with them and are pushing your buttons.
Yeah, mine were stupid. They're living under bridges now.
Do you not get this? I don't know what age of kids saibot was referring to, but if she's taking them to the park they're pretty young. They don't think like adults! They don't make the type of decisions adults or even older kids would make. I'm not sure how old yours are, either, but I think fairly young as well. You'll find that even into middle school, they don't always problem solve like adults do. I could tell you some stories. But you wouldn't believe that YOUR kids could be that, well, stupid.
It doesn't work because you always cave. Your child knows you're not going to go far and that you'll just come right back. I'm not saying to actually leave your child, but I don't really understand what the consequence is. That a parent walked 10 feet away?
Oh, it's been further than 10 feet away. One must consider how quickly one can run (plus how fast the kid can run - faster than you might think) and what other people/vehicles might collide with the kid if something starts to happen while you're that far away. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this strategy simply doesn't work on every kid. Especially if you have some measure of concern for the kid's life or safety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Then you have kids without a natural instinct for self preservation which is actually quite unusual. Or they know you are just playing games with them and are pushing your buttons.
Not so unusual, or parents wouldn't have to spend so much time and effort keeping kids safe and out of trouble. From my recent observations, humans of all ages believe they are invincible in the face of oncoming cars.
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Originally Posted by bondaroo
It's too bad that people can't say "hey, if it worked for them, maybe there's something to it and it's worth a try" instead of a snarky "Oh, your family is so perfect"
"Hey it worked for me" is different from "You just have to do this foolproof thing, and if it didn't work for you, you failed", which is the implication of many of these posts. Great it worked for you, but there's a lot of refusal to accept that it doesn't work for everyone.
And 20 years ago people were able to beat the AD/HD out of their children? I'm not a trained medical professional, but I'm pretty sure that is not how it works.
Spare the rod, spoil the brat.
You know better than the bible ?
Oh, it's been further than 10 feet away. One must consider how quickly one can run (plus how fast the kid can run - faster than you might think) and what other people/vehicles might collide with the kid if something starts to happen while you're that far away. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this strategy simply doesn't work on every kid. Especially if you have some measure of concern for the kid's life or safety.
Yup, you got me, I don't care about my child's life or safety.
Spare the rod, spoil the brat.
You know better than the bible ?
This is the bible that mentions slavery without condemning it right? And which tells you shellfish, clams, oysters, urchins, or lobsters are an abomination. And which tells you a garment mingled of linen and woolen is prohibited, and..
well you get the picture. Most people realized decades ago the bible is an awful manual. If you want something which is moral - try the Universal Declaration of Human rights. Way better than the bible.
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