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Do you not get this? I don't know what age of kids saibot was referring to, but if she's taking them to the park they're pretty young. They don't think like adults! They don't make the type of decisions adults or even older kids would make. I'm not sure how old yours are, either, but I think fairly young as well. You'll find that even into middle school, they don't always problem solve like adults do. I could tell you some stories. But you wouldn't believe that YOUR kids could be that, well, stupid.
They are teenagers. And actually remarkably good at problem solving since they have been connected to consequences their entire lives.
"Hey it worked for me" is different from "You just have to do this foolproof thing, and if it didn't work for you, you failed", which is the implication of many of these posts. Great it worked for you, but there's a lot of refusal to accept that it doesn't work for everyone.
^^This!
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
They are teenagers. And actually remarkably good at problem solving since they have been connected to consequences their entire lives.
Oh that we could all be such perfect parents and have such perfect kids!
Pfffft. Dodge. Kids are just little humans subject to human psychology. Feel defensive if you like. Not really new for you.
Keyboard psychology duly noted. What an ignorant (meaning lack of knowledge) statement. LOL, "defensive". The cardinal sin of psychology. Those who actually know psychology know that 1) kids' minds work differently than adults', and 2) everyone is not the same, different things work for different people.
Note that I managed to say all that without making a snarky remark about you personally.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 05-23-2017 at 04:28 PM..
Me? Yes, I have 4 children. Delightful, intelligent, curious, kind, well-behaved, compassionate children, for the most part. We do not spank them.
As for pushing the limits and throwing tantrums, I just can't imagine can be all that effective...
And it's certainly not necessary.
So you have "delightful, intelligent, curious, kind, well-behaved" children?
That's great.
No spanking needed in this case.
But there are plenty of OTHER children out there - strong-willed, rambunctious, daring, outgoing, and sometimes - plain capricious, so every parent better know how to deal with their own children.
What's "not necessary" for certain type of children might be a necessity for the other.
Well, it brings to mind an article written by an American journalist living in Paris, who was humiliated to find how poorly behaved her American children were, in comparison to their French counterparts.
I'm not sure it's due to spanking, though. Maybe more that Americans have a tendency to treat the children as the focal point of the family.
I recall being spanked once as a child. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm fairly certain I never did it again.
In dealing with my own daughter, I spanked her twice. She clearly remembers and we had a conversation about it recently.
Her: "It hurt."
Me: "It was supposed to. Yes, I meant it to hurt but I was not going to injure you. There's a difference. I didn't do it in anger."
Her: "Why did you spank me?"
Me: "Because you didn't listen the first five times I told you to not do something. I wanted to have your full attention and a few swats (or five - never just one) on the butt made sure I did. You learned quickly after that."
Spanking should be used *very* sparingly, and never as a result of a parent losing their temper or getting too frustrated to deal with a situation. And the kid should be aware that it's in Daddy's or Mommy's arsenal and will come out if needed. Once they reach the age where reason works, there's no need to get physical. The law only needs to get involved if it crosses the line between discipline and assault. Other than that, the govt should not have any say in how children are raised.
"Hey it worked for me" is different from "You just have to do this foolproof thing, and if it didn't work for you, you failed", which is the implication of many of these posts. Great it worked for you, but there's a lot of refusal to accept that it doesn't work for everyone.
So you read intent into other's posts when it hasn't been included, decide that they are being rude, and respond accordingly. Okey dokey then.
In the past more than once I explained how I did something and it worked for me, period. No addition of "and you stink as a parent if you don't do this", or any such comment. And was responded to extremely snarkily telling me I think I'm perfect with perfect children. (note: I can't remember by whom, so this is not personal to you) But now I have some insight as to possibly why any positive posts get slammed, if others think as you do.
So you read intent into other's posts when it hasn't been included, decide that they are being rude, and respond accordingly. Okey dokey then.
In the past more than once I explained how I did something and it worked for me, period. No addition of "and you stink as a parent if you don't do this", or any such comment. And was responded to extremely snarkily telling me I think I'm perfect with perfect children. (note: I can't remember by whom, so this is not personal to you) But now I have some insight as to possibly why any positive posts get slammed, if others think as you do.
Oh, come on! Look at some of this judgement:
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Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
It doesn't work because you always cave. Your child knows you're not going to go far and that you'll just come right back. I'm not saying to actually leave your child, but I don't really understand what the consequence is. That a parent walked 10 feet away?
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Reasoning and spanking are not the only alternative. Natural consequences are very often all that is needed along with age appropriate supervision. The reaching for the stove example that people often use is absurd. Don't let a child too young to understand burning near the darned stove! Natural consequences, distraction for the very young, understanding what their misbehavior is telling us about their motives all work together to provide an environment where kids WANT to behave. Yes, all kids are different. But they all share little human motivations.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, it varies by country, as the above post indicates. And why would Euro expats in the US change their child-rearing customs? Those who feel that spanking is barbaric would have no incentive to change, see what I mean?
Also, in the US, spanking is far from universal. Parents who follow a Progressivist child-rearing model don't spank, and this has been true since the 30's or so. The US is just as diverse in that regard as in any other. Furthermore, parents who are good with their kids from infancy, and succeed in building trust on the part of the child toward them, and a strong bond, have no need to spank. The need simply doesn't arise.
Heard from the philosopher, Stefan Molyneux that Europeans spank their kids at much lower rates than in the United States. Apparently, this can be attributed to the 'post war' mentality that influenced social development in Western Europe in the latter half of the 20th century which had little in the US in terms of parenting.
What I would like to question right away in this video, is how the narrator is smoothly progressing from toddlers spanking to a "half of 13-14 years old being hit 8 times on average per year."
What this is all about? Because I have hard time picturing 13-14 years old being spanked in the same manner as toddlers. Therefore something is lumped up here together with "spanking" - the way it's initially described in the video.
So obviously something doesn't add up.
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We do not spank them. 