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I have found during my parenting career that my children's intelligence and curiosity were almost always in play on the rare occasions that I had to resort to spanking them.
Lol! Touché!
Not saying my kids haven't faced consequences for their actions, but those consequences weren't spankings.
Interesting that no one responded who was spanked as a child. I was. It was the only way my dad could get me to behave. I was very strong willed. But he spanked - he did not beat - and I understood that the spanking was a consequence of my having crossed the line, not the way to solve a problem. Reasoning with me was pointless - I wanted my way, period. Sending me to my room was pointless - I didn't have a room to begin with and was an introvert, so being alone didn't bother me. He spanked me until he noticed that my freedom to leave the house was more of a deterrent than a spanking, then he began to ground me and never laid a finger on me again. It really all depends on the child.
Why do you assume that? (the bolded)
You weren't that strong-willed if a simple spanking was enough for you to give up wanting things "your way," and simply accept that spanking as a logical "consequence" for "crossing a line" Please. You described a compliant child.
A "strong-willed" child thinks "bring it, Pops." Then locks into a battle of wills, practically daring the old man to lose his cool, by not being phased by a simple "spanking." Like how being alone "didn't bother you." After that, the strong willed child tries to figure out ways to be sneakier and not get caught the next time want to "cross the line" or "want their way."
So you have "delightful, intelligent, curious, kind, well-behaved" children?
That's great.
No spanking needed in this case.
But there are plenty of OTHER children out there - strong-willed, rambunctious, daring, outgoing, and sometimes - plain capricious, so every parent better know how to deal with their own children.
What's "not necessary" for certain type of children might be a necessity for the other.
Yes, it is great. But it's not easy. I have spent an extraordinary amount of time and energy striving to be a "good parent" so that my children will flourish.
Can you give some examples of when a spanking would be the best way to deal with a child?
Yes, it is great. But it's not easy. I have spent an extraordinary amount of time and energy striving to be a "good parent" so that my children will flourish.
Can you give some examples of when a spanking would be the best way to deal with a child?
Any time when children start following their "I want to" urges, and it puts them in danger.
At the age when they don't understand the concept of danger, so no reasoning can help - that's one example that comes to mind.
Another one - when children knowingly push the boundaries in spite of multiple attempts to explain to them that they shouldn't do something.
I recall being spanked once as a child. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm fairly certain I never did it again.
In dealing with my own daughter, I spanked her twice. She clearly remembers and we had a conversation about it recently.
Her: "It hurt."
Me: "It was supposed to. Yes, I meant it to hurt but I was not going to injure you. There's a difference. I didn't do it in anger."
Her: "Why did you spank me?"
Me: "Because you didn't listen the first five times I told you to not do something. I wanted to have your full attention and a few swats (or five - never just one) on the butt made sure I did. You learned quickly after that."
Spanking should be used *very* sparingly, and never as a result of a parent losing their temper or getting too frustrated to deal with a situation. And the kid should be aware that it's in Daddy's or Mommy's arsenal and will come out if needed. Once they reach the age where reason works, there's no need to get physical. The law only needs to get involved if it crosses the line between discipline and assault. Other than that, the govt should not have any say in how children are raised.
I agree with everything you write here, the problem however often arises in families that are overworked and over-stressed. When there is no money to pay the bills/for other necessities, the pressure is building and children might become the by-product of this pressure. With other words, that's when the line is often crossed between the needed restraint/punishment and overreaction of parents, turning into unnecessary spanking. ( I observed that too on numerous occasions.)
And from that point of view I can see why in America this kind of spanking would happen more often than in Europe.
Please stop making things up. I never once said anything about leaving a child alone at a park.
All right, I keep on hearing about some "natural consequences" here.
So what "natural consequences" for a three-year old might be?
What exactly are we talking about here?
Any time when children start following their "I want to" urges, and it puts them in danger.
At the age when they don't understand the concept of danger, so no reasoning can help - that's one example that comes to mind.
Another one - when children knowingly push the boundaries in spite of multiple attempts to explain to them that they shouldn't do something.
A spanking would be the very best way to deal with these situations?
A spanking would be the very best way to deal with these situations?
A short answer is "yes."
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Please. You described a compliant child. 