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I didn't read all that subsequent stuff but what I see not mentioned is that the OP said the in laws wanted to come see the baby and stay A COUPLE WEEKS.
Two weeks is NOTHING.
He could pay an RN to come help her for much much less if it were about THAT.
My guess is she wants the nanny since the parents were only WILLING to come for two weeks.
Like I said, she'd never survive being a military wife. Snowflake.
WAIT. I take that back. A Military wife would have other friends in the same position to HELP. I guess the OP wife has no friends. Not surprisingly.
Military families have a support system and other military families. Why so harsh and judgmental of a young mother who misses her mother and want her with her during this special time 🙄
I didn't read all that subsequent stuff but what I see not mentioned is that the OP said the in laws wanted to come see the baby and stay A COUPLE WEEKS.
Two weeks is NOTHING.
He could pay an RN to come help her for much much less if it were about THAT.
My guess is she wants the nanny since the parents were only WILLING to come for two weeks.
Like I said, she'd never survive being a military wife. Snowflake.
WAIT. I take that back. A Military wife would have other friends in the same position to HELP. I guess the OP wife has no friends. Not surprisingly.
Wow! That's HARSH! She's not even here to defend herself. You don't know anything about her. None of us really do. No, she may not have many friends in the US. She didn't grow up here. She's been a stay at home mom. Lots of SAHM's don't have many friends....they're home with a child/children and don't get out much.
There's a big thing with being a military family....you're a military family which automatically comes with a built in support system. If someone's spouse goes overseas, then everyone knows and helps out. You don't have to live on base for this. Friends and family are very understanding and will frequently jump to action with helping with whatever the spouse needs. I've watched this numerous times in my family. I have several family members who are military and it's always amazing how much they support each other - on base and off.
PS Where would you find a RN to work for mess than $3000 for 2 weeks? And how many hours will they be there?
Your wife being at home to look after the children, without pay, does not mean she has no right to ask for some of the family money, to be spent on making her life better/easier. The nanny thing is between you & her, but bringing her own Mom out for a few weeks is a perfectly reasonable request.
Boy, is this so familiar. My DH grew up poor while I grew up middle class on the surface. My Dad struggled day and night building his own business with my Mom's help. So, they "seemed" to have a lot of money on the surface. FIL didn't work and MIL worked as a teacher to support the family.
We both are in the US but born and brought up abroad to Asian parents. He paid for a house for his parents back in home country when we didn't have a home of our own. He paid for a lot of things for them and his older brother and his family. However, he expected my parents to pay for private school for our kids. This, inspite of both of us working and making 6 figures each. I was brought up with the values that you provide for your own family and don't expect monetary help from parents or others. I refused and our kids went to public school.
He had the same attitude when my parents were coming to US as the OP. Saying they should pay since they have money. Atleast in my case I was working too, so I refused. I want to show my gratitude to my parents. I want to thank them for all the years of taking care of me and giving me a great engineering education, paying for my marriage and my initial trip to USA.
OP, your attitude to your wife's family smacks of entitlement to me. Why should they pay to come and visit your family? Your wife is the one inviting them. You seem to think that because you grew up poor you are somehow morally superior. Your inlaws seem to be working. You don't mention your Mom working. Maybe the inlaws have money because they worked? Atleast in my case I have more of a work ethic, moral values and sense of what is right or wrong than my DH or his family. Just because they were poor, my inlaws and DH seem to think that the world owes them now. While I know the stresses my Dad went through to keep a small business going. The hard work it takes to be successful, etc.
You married your wife for a reason. Don't let these kinds of things come between you. Don't just pay for your inlaws' tickets, but be gracious to them when they visit. Don't harbor resentment.
Don't invite your in laws to come. Instead after the baby is born, you take a week's off and escort your wife, the toddler and the new born baby to Korea to visit your in laws. Afterwards leave your wife and the baby and the toddler at your in law's house.
Two years afterward, when the toddler reaches the age of entering Kindergarten, you go to Korea and escort them back to US.
This is the best scheme because:
(1) Your wife and kids will be taken care of by her parents. Since they are quite well off, they shouldn't mind spending some extra money for their daughter and grandchildren.
(2) Since your brother-in-law has stayed with you for a year without paying a penny, I don't think your in law would refuse your suggestion.
I didn't read all that subsequent stuff but what I see not mentioned is that the OP said the in laws wanted to come see the baby and stay A COUPLE WEEKS.
Two weeks is NOTHING.
He could pay an RN to come help her for much much less if it were about THAT.
My guess is she wants the nanny since the parents were only WILLING to come for two weeks.
Like I said, she'd never survive being a military wife. Snowflake.
WAIT. I take that back. A Military wife would have other friends in the same position to HELP. I guess the OP wife has no friends. Not surprisingly.
How many kids have you given birth to and raised on your own?
Every month that you pay for your own mother’s expenses, your wife gets a little bit more angry about you resenting her spending some of that money on her family. It doesn’t matter why you pay for your mother, or whether her family has money or not. She is asking you to make a gesture towards her parents to thank them for coming to visit and assisting her.
Maybe they won’t even accept the money for the ticket. Maybe they will repay the cost when they arrive with a savings account for the child. Or maybe your wife will get so sick of feeling like you don’t consider her an equal in your marriage that she’ll take both kids to live with them and you’ll never see them again.
We have a 3 year old and will have another baby in 8 months. We are fortunate that my wife doesn't have to work but I travel for work Mon thru Thurs for about 3 weeks a month. My mother will probably be available to help my wife for about a month after she delivers our newborn. However, my wife wants to fly her parents all the way from Korea to spend a couple of weeks with us and see the new baby as well.
Her parents are by no means hurting for money. My wife wants to do this just as a token of appreciation. In my mind, it should be almost expected for her parents to fly here on their own to see the baby, especially since they can afford to do so. They certainly did for our first child. I support my mother financially as well every month and she just lives by herself. My wife puts this against me but she knew going into the marriage that this was the case.
Long story short, my wife and I had a huge argument over this and she keeps saying I don't understand due to cultural differences. I am Korean as well but raised in the U.S. I call complete B.S. On her claim of cultural differences. She even stated that some of her Korean friends did this. I told her what we decide to do is our own business. Two plane tickets will cost us almost $3000. My wife ended the argument stating that she will just have to hire a nanny then, which is another BS because it's not like her parents were going to stay here long anyways.
The thing that really frustrates me is that in the past, her 22 year old brother from Korea lived with us for a year and her parents did not send a penny for food, utilities, etc.
Thoughts and opinions?
$3,000 is a substantial sum of money for me (I too am a single income household raising a young child) and it sounds like it is for you too. I agree with you that if her parents have the means to fly and come see their grandchild then they should cover the cost of their airfare. As a father of a young family, you already have significant long term financial commitments in raising your family.
I think you're being reasonable with her since your mother will help her recover for a month after delivering your baby. Because of that and your wife's primary housewife duty, I don't buy her argument for having a nanny. And what her other friends did should not concern you.
I'm not Korean, blue eyed blonde here, but even I know from watching years of Korean TV that she needs her parents and you have to pay BOTH tickets. Sheesh. You may have offended her and her parents with this split the cost business, that may be why she now needs the nanny. You are Korean but you don't have a clue about her culture. You are in for a world of hurt and it's just starting. Wise up while you still can. Get over your badatude and get both tickets. Aigoo...
Watching Korean TV doesn't make one an expert in Korean culture! aigoo..
I just read the op's first post and I would say that 3k is alot of money. I am coming off as very judgemental but how come she doesn't have her own money(the wife)? I know she stays at home but she should have her own money just in case something happens within the marriage. A grown ass woman without the means to fly out her family? SMH.
Im not korean nor a female but if i had a wife and i asked her for 3k to fly out my parents, i would feel embarrassed. SMH. I don't think its fair for her to expect you to shell out dough like that like an ATM. But i do agree that it would be best if you fly out there when the baby is healthy enough and visit your parents.
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