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I just read the op's first post and I would say that 3k is alot of money. I am coming off as very judgemental but how come she doesn't have her own money(the wife)? I know she stays at home but she should have her own money just in case something happens within the marriage. A grown ass woman without the means to fly out her family? SMH.
Im not korean nor a female but if i had a wife and i asked her for 3k to fly out my parents, i would feel embarrassed. SMH. I don't think its fair for her to expect you to shell out dough like that like an ATM. But i do agree that it would be best if you fly out there when the baby is healthy enough and visit your parents.
She does have her own money, it's called marriage and making a mutual decision that she stay home and raise the children while he works. She is entitled to ask her husband to respect her filial obligations as much as he respect his to his. He has an obligation to make sure that his wife receive the kind of support she needs as he travels during the birth of another child and the first month. They both understand their culture, they both made a decision she stay home to raise the children.
Simple, compromise, apologize and tell your wife do what she needs to do. Ten years from now, she'll remember it and you won't be missing a single penny of that 3 grand.
Advice for the 3 yr old grandchild and unborn sibling.....hide your allowance money! Grandma & Gramps will be ready, eager and willing to take it from you!!
What kind of parent lets their child cover their expenses?
The OP is being used by his family:
As a young person, his Mom & Stepdad let him work to pay their bills.
In his 30's he's paying his Mom's home mortgage.
His in-laws expect him to pay for their 3k airfare.
His wife needs a $$$ nanny to help with what millions of women have done without a nanny for millions of years.
At-Home Postpartum Caretaker (sanhudoumi)
For the woman who wants to rest and recover in the comfort of her own home, there is the sanhudoumi—a postpartum caretaker. Sanhudoumi (literally “postpartum helper”) are usually middle-aged Korean women trained in postpartum maternal and infant care. Her responsibilities include all things baby-related (feeding, bathing, diapering, etc.) as well as cooking meals for mom, giving her massages and some light household chores. The caretakers are endearingly referred to as emonim, an honorific term for aunties, and they will take care of you like family. Sanhudoumi services can be booked for one week to months on end, eight hours a day or as a 24/7 live-in service.
A postpartum caretaker is not just a nurse for the baby—she’s there to support and ease the mother back into the swing of things. Although the at-home services lack the facilities and gadgets found in a joriwon, many Korean postpartum services will send new moms a complete kit that helps them get acclimated to life at home after delivery. By the time you arrive home from the hospital or joriwon, you may be greeted with a starter kit that includes a sitz bath, infrared lamp, simple breast pump, thermometer, belly button cleaning kit and more. These are yours to use for the duration of the service.
Who it’s for: Anyone, especially moms with older kids, who finds recovery at home more comfortable, practical and economical. Many moms employ sanhudoumi as an extension of their joriwon stay. Sanhudoumi services cost a fraction of a joriwon bill.
How much you can expect to pay: Two weeks of sanhudoumi services (9 am to 6 pm, Monday through Friday) runs around 850,000 KRW (approximately 730 USD).
LOL because the American has to assimilate his Korean wife's culture even though she moved HERE.
Is that how you think it should work?
As a wife of a foreigner who moved to America and became a citizen...nope.
And when MY inlaws parked their butts in MY home, in America, expecting pregnant me to cook for them including carve the meat with carpel tunnel...it didn't happen. Make your own roast - you've been cooking for 40 years LOL.
Uh, yeah! He knew she wasn't American. Heck even I know that becoming adjusted to American culture would be difficult for her. Wow. Too bad for you, but that is not his situation. Even putting aside the culture difference the bottom line is his attitude. Buy the tickets and get on with it!
Watching Korean TV doesn't make one an expert in Korean culture! aigoo..
That wasn't the point, actually the point was that even with what LITTLE I have gleaned about Korean culture from Korean TV I know that he is in the wrong. Buy the tickets.
If the OP's parent-in-law are coming to help take care of the toddler and soon-to-be born baby, why should they pay for the airfare?
Though OP said he is a Korean, he is born in US and thinks in American way. His wife and his parent-in-law think in the other way.
In most East Asian societies, it would be extremely rude to ask the parent-in-law to pay for their travel expenses if they come to help the couple even if they can afford it.
The only way for OP to save money is to make up some excuses to just invite the mother-in-law come since father-in-law may not be able to offer much help.
Of course she's going to pick the nanny when given an ultimatum between the two. I'm willing to bet that as her due date quickly approaches, she's feeling anxious and insecure about her ability to handle a newborn and a toddler, with no support at all. She's being told by friends how hard it really is and of course she's going to take their "been there, done that" knowledge to heart and think that it's going to be as difficult for her as it was them.
And to the OP, try to drop the resentment over your upbringings. You cannot change the past. It's not helpful, to anyone.
I actually did just that and now she changed her mind and wants a nanny instead...I think I'm going to stand my ground on this one to pay for her moms ticket to spend couple of weeks(has to go back to work) and my mom to spend 3-4 weeks.
Well it's hard to really know what's really happening from reading one side online.
Is it possible that you missed her real feelings on this? Maybe offering just one ticket was insulting or hurtful and she was just angrily and defeatedly saying "fine, I'll just take the nanny then."
This is family and marriage. Don't treat it like a work project.
I cannot begin to imagine my husband blocking family visits on my side while spending our household money on his side of the family.
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Buy the tickets.
