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FREE BABYSITTING...
k-3... crazy... I never left my kids alone with someone i didn't have a fairly close relationship with at that age... I still don't just drop them off (middle school aged now) at someones house i have never even met.. i will at least meet the parents first.. that's crazy.
You know what? You're right. I never realized that until you said it.
My son is in middle school now too. Obviously, he has a lot more independence than he had as a young child but at the very least I know all of his friends' parents as acquaintances. He's grown up with many of these kids. The others I have met and chatted with for a few minutes at the least. I don't get leaving your young child with someone you don't know just to get free babysitting. God forbid I, or my husband, were crazies.
Not to side track but have you had it happen where they come over to visit and have a play date and then they try to talk you into hosting a "party" for them (like candles, or what ever marketing scheme they are part of) or ordering something from them. Ugh, it feels so slimy. And if you say no, you never hear from them again. *gag*
This does happen to me a lot, I think it’s because I live in Texas and everyone sells something here. And it’s not just limited to play dates, they’ll friend you on FB and then start harassing you!
I think the OP has valid beef and is not just trying to stir up the SAHM v WOHM wars. I do think it's true that a lot of time working parents, extended family, and really, society in general, underestimates the demands of being a stay at home parent.
I am a working mom, but I still recognize and appreciate the demands of being a stay at home parent. I would never ask a stay at home parent to babysit unless I was very close to that person AND it was a dire emergency. Even then, I would pay them for their time generously. Not only would I not automatically assume they are free for babysitting, but I also don't assume they can take on other volunteer tasks at school or in extracurricular activities.
I think sometimes working moms have a lot of guilt about not being able to be there full time with their kids and there is some resentment. Others working moms may just be overwhelmed by work and family duties and assume that just because you're with your kids more, that you have more time to devote solely to them. What really happens is that most of your time is monopolized by caring for the kids and house, and there really is no extra time for all the stuff working moms imagine SAHMs are able to do. I can kind of imagine how it is because when I'm home on the weekends and extended vacations, I sometimes feel more exhausted than I do on work days! It's harder for me to get anything done when the kids are with me.
When my son was in grades K-3, I was always surprised by the number of parents who would drop his friends off for a playdate and just leave. These parents didn't know me or my husband from Adam. Had no clue what the inside of our home looked like, nothing. Just drop them off for hours at a time.
I agree! I'm a mom of a 1st grader and another preschool kid. Have had fair amount of playdates since my oldest's preK days, and often times it's at mutually agreed places like parks if weather is nice or indoor play places if weather's cold or bad. Very rare we go over each other's homes to host playdates, and even rarer to be a drop off. I can count on one hand of instances where I've dropped off my oldest to a friend and hosted couple of playdates in my home. One was without the mom and the other's mom stayed to chit chat. In my area, independent playdates at each other's home seem to ramp up significantly after 2nd grade. After 3rd grade thats when sleepovers seem to happen.
So I'm curious why people assume that SAHMs will provide free childcare? I know a "few" who babysit for extra money, but don't know any who babysit for free. Also, I stopped babysitting when I was in college.
Why do people shove their way to the front of an otherwise orderly line? Why do people smoke when it says “no smoking� Why do people cheat on their taxes or their spouse? Why do people lie and steal and then blame other people if they get caught? Mostly because they get away with it and they’re bad people.
If someone you barely know asks you for free childcare, the worst thing that will happen is that you’ll say no and get angry with them for being rude. Making someone angry—even a total stranger—is tough for me, so I’d never even think of asking someone to babysit for free. The kind of people who would ask don’t care what you think—or worse will get angry at you if you say no.
And don’t think you only encounter these sorts of people as a SAHP. While they’ll ask someone like you for free childcare, they’ll ask someone like me to basically do their work for them and then claim all the credit. My wife calls these sorts of people “scammers†and they are best avoided.
So I'm curious why people assume that SAHMs will provide free childcare? I know a "few" who babysit for extra money, but don't know any who babysit for free. Also, I stopped babysitting when I was in college.
Because these are people who don't put a lot of effort into watching their own children and tending to them so it doesn't occur to them that doing it the right way requires a lot of effort on your part. They expect that you will only have to pay attention to their child as much as they do, which is not that much. It's really sad.
This isn't exactly the same, but my wife was a Nanny (still is very part time) and would deal with neighborhood (SAHM) mom's sending their kids to play with her charges, then saying, "I'm just going to pop out to the target quickly do you mind?"
What really ticked the mom who hired her was when she'd go away for the weekend with her husband and a parent would try and finnagle a sleepover, basically free babysitting. She was finally told to start charging the other mom if it came up.
This isn't exactly the same, but my wife was a Nanny (still is very part time) and would deal with neighborhood (SAHM) mom's sending their kids to play with her charges, then saying, "I'm just going to pop out to the target quickly do you mind?"
What really ticked the mom who hired her was when she'd go away for the weekend with her husband and a parent would try and finnagle a sleepover, basically free babysitting. She was finally told to start charging the other mom if it came up.
This isn't exactly the same, but my wife was a Nanny (still is very part time) and would deal with neighborhood (SAHM) mom's sending their kids to play with her charges, then saying, "I'm just going to pop out to the target quickly do you mind?"
.
Some people think if there is a nanny or au pair in the home, that they can horn in to get some free childcare. I've seen this happen before, too. But nannies are quite expensive, and they are hired to care only for the children of their employer.
I had an au pair for a year and she wasn't even allowed to care for anyone else's child, per the terms of the agency she worked for.
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Good for that mom!
