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Your wife needs help and if she won’t go, you need to talk to a family therapist on how to deal with your wife’s toxic attitude. This is deeper than just the coincidencental dates of birth.
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Originally Posted by Mikala43
Your wife should probably get some counseling.
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Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
No, it's not normal.
(snip).
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Originally Posted by arwenmark
Get help for your wife before it is too late. She is poisoning your entire family.
I agree with these posters, and everyone else who says "This is NOT normal behavior".
Also, as others have asked "Why in the world are you allowing your wife to determine how often your family can see your child? Unless there is something that you aren't telling us (like your wife limits contact because your parents are alcoholics or drug addicts or something like that) YOU need to step up and say "Honey, our child is my child, too and I want them to see my parents more often."
Emergency, immediate couples counseling before it gets worse.
I think it is normal to feel a little bit like the wind was taken out of your sails when a close family member has an important event very close to yours. I have never felt that way but I have heard it a lot.
But the behavior of your wife and the extent she is taking it...that is way over board.
It isn't like you and your brother secretly planned to get your wives knocked up at the same time to take away her attention.
This can't be normal can it? Has anyone seen a situation like this?
I just found out today that my brother and his wife are pregnant with their second kid...they just hit the 12 week mark and the baby will be due early December. They have another kid who is 3. My wife and I have a son that is 15 months and are also expecting a second baby around early December.
My wife hates my brother's wife and thinks my parents favor her/them much more over us....that's probably because my niece gets to see my parents all the time and with my kid, my wife puts moratoriums on when my parents can visit our son..like every 2 weeks or so. To add insult to injury, my wife also dislikes my niece because she came from my sister in law.
Needless to say my wife is not only pissed they are having a second kid at all, but also that he/she will be born around the same time as our second one. She had a cute idea to announce to my family on father's day, but now she just wants me to text them or call them...not even tell them in person ! (They live 15 minutes away). She thinks now that our second kid will be irrelevant beause my brother's second kid will be the hot topic of the year from my parents' perspective.
So I ask - this isn't normal is it? Has anyone else had any family drama where kids from the same general family are born around the week? I try to tell her "just focus on our two kids", but I have the feeling I'm going to be the target of her envy and disappointment for a long time...as if I can control when other people decide to have babies.
Well, as an aside, WATCH out, that your own two don't learn her manipulation drama techniques for attention. I say, be ridiculous back: Wife, we will talk when S.I.L. commits murder. Wife, I will sit in brother's room and prevent them from having another baby so close to ours. Wife, I will go without you, since you have issues with niece.
Well, as an aside, WATCH out, that your own two don't learn her manipulation drama techniques for attention. I say, be ridiculous back: Wife, we will talk when S.I.L. commits murder. Wife, I will sit in brother's room and prevent them from having another baby so close to ours. Wife, I will go without you, since you have issues with niece.
Yeah that she dislikes the CHILD just because she dislikes the sister in law takes it to whole other level of disturbing.
This can't be normal can it? Has anyone seen a situation like this?
I just found out today that my brother and his wife are pregnant with their second kid...they just hit the 12 week mark and the baby will be due early December. They have another kid who is 3. My wife and I have a son that is 15 months and are also expecting a second baby around early December.
My wife hates my brother's wife and thinks my parents favor her/them much more over us....that's probably because my niece gets to see my parents all the time and with my kid, my wife puts moratoriums on when my parents can visit our son..like every 2 weeks or so. To add insult to injury, my wife also dislikes my niece because she came from my sister in law.
Needless to say my wife is not only pissed they are having a second kid at all, but also that he/she will be born around the same time as our second one. She had a cute idea to announce to my family on father's day, but now she just wants me to text them or call them...not even tell them in person ! (They live 15 minutes away). She thinks now that our second kid will be irrelevant beause my brother's second kid will be the hot topic of the year from my parents' perspective.
So I ask - this isn't normal is it? Has anyone else had any family drama where kids from the same general family are born around the week? I try to tell her "just focus on our two kids", but I have the feeling I'm going to be the target of her envy and disappointment for a long time...as if I can control when other people decide to have babies.
I really feel for you, Bud. I lived with a woman who found every excuse to be unhappy, and it was a living Hell. From what you describe, your wife is very controlling and a drama queen.
If you do not start standing up and putting your foot down, it is only going to get worse as the years go by. Been there, done that.
OP, when your parents come over, do they spend their time talking about your brother's child or making developmental-milestone comparisons to yours? Maybe your wife is angry because she sees this happening.
One of my sons has a cousin who is two weeks older than he is.
With another pregnancy, DH's sister and a sister in law were pregnant at the same time I was, though the due dates were not as close. All those cousins enjoy being with each other still, and they are in their 30s and 40s.
I know of two women, good friends, who found out they were both pregnant when they showed up at an obstetrician's office at the same time to start prenatal care. They also delivered almost simultaneously. The OB barely had time to finish one delivery before doing the other. They shared a room in the hospital, back before private rooms for all became the norm for postpartum care. It was almost like a plot for a sitcom.
I agree that OP and his wife could benefit from some counseling before their kids get older and caught up in the toxicity.
This indeed does not seem like a rational behavior but I should point out that you have a 15 month old AND your wife is pregnant again. Her state of mind could be rather fragile right now.
There could be something else behind such hatred of another family member but whatever you decide to do I’d advise you to be very cautious.
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