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OP knew his wife had bad reactions to his family (and I'm not giving his mother or sister-in-law a pass – everybody's got issues) and even to him before he married her. He's posted about it before – look for his story from before they were married about her reaction to his making her cookies when he didn't invite her to taste the dough at the right moment.
The saddest part is that now there will be two kids caught up in this dysfunction.
I don't know what you're going to do about this, OP, but you'd better do something. I think you walked right into this with your eyes open.
As fumbling said right off, your wife is not normal.
A friend married a head case like her, she tried to cut him off from all his old buds and she moved far away after his premature death so his mother would have difficulty seeing the grandkids.
Some people's massive insecurities are just not conducive to normal relationships.
To add insult to injury, my wife also dislikes my niece because she came from my sister in law.
Needless to say my wife is not only pissed they are having a second kid at all, but also that he/she will be born around the same time as our second one. She had a cute idea to announce to my family on father's day, but now she just wants me to text them or call them...not even tell them in person ! (They live 15 minutes away). She thinks now that our second kid will be irrelevant because my brother's second kid will be the hot topic of the year from my parents' perspective.
OP knew his wife had bad reactions to his family (and I'm not giving his mother or sister-in-law a pass – everybody's got issues) and even to him before he married her. He's posted about it before – look for his story from before they were married about her reaction to his making her cookies when he didn't invite her to taste the dough at the right moment.
The saddest part is that now there will be two kids caught up in this dysfunction.
I don't know what you're going to do about this, OP, but you'd better do something. I think you walked right into this with your eyes open.
Not trying to double-post, I read only the first page of this mess before posting.
I had a girlfriend who had histrionic uber-reactions for imagined slights. She once went off on me when I called her from a hotel pay phone--this was in The Olde Days before cells--to let her know I was rolling along on schedule on a trip home. Accused me of having a rendezvous with a secret girlfriend etc.
I was young then, I'd never had to deal with someone that disturbed. Since then I've learned a lot about Borderline Personality Disorder and she fit that diagnosis like a glove.
She was crazy as a wharf rat, God knows how her son turned out, he was having massive tantrums at age 10 even then.
Since I have only your interpretation of the situation, it is difficult to know if this is normal behavior, specially since she is pregnant. Your wife may have a very good reason to dislike the sister in law. You also said your parents favor your brothers family over you and your wife, but blame it on visitation bounties set by your wife. It is apparent to me, that you are siding with everyone, except your wife. No wonder she is pissed.
his wife is his family.
his children are his family.
they have to come first and be made the highest priority, his marriage and his home with his children.
If we are to take the OP's statements here as fact, and there is no reason to doubt them with what we know, the wife is WRONG. In civilized society we do not reinforce and support that which is wrong. If we are close enough to the situation we take the effort to correct those things and make them better, we don't simply accede to demands that are counterproductive to having good relationships and we don't isolate children from extended family at the whim of someone's irrational behavior, even if that someone is their mother.
Deleted since someone else already posted the links.
I agree with the people who say OP has to choose between the family he created with his wife and his birth family. Grandma sounds like a heartless drama queen, demanding that the then-GF dance attendance on the Golden Child brother and his wife -- not to mention their OMG-NEW-HOUSE!!!!! -- while her father was dying of pancreatic cancer.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 06-04-2018 at 01:40 PM..
his wife is his family.
his children are his family.
they have to come first and be made the highest priority, his marriage and his home with his children.
I absolutely agree with all your posts.
When my in-laws were creating drama, my husband and I went to a marriage counselor. She agreed my husbands parents wanted to break up our marriage.
She stressed that the number one important priority for our children was to stay married and to be happy as a couple. She said grandparents are not a substitute for an intact home.
Your wife needs help, & why DO you let her put moratoriums on your parents visits?
I have two nephews, (brothers) whos wives had babies two weeks apart, they were delighted, because it meant they could grow up together & go to school together etc.
I think this is the norm. I know plenty of people, family & friends, who's family members had children with in weeks/months of each other and they were all very excited about it as the cousins or whatever would be close, grow up together etc.
But then there wasn't any hostility or hatred there to begin with.
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