Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Long story short, I am now the black sheep of my family because I've been with a girl for almost 3 years and there's certain aspects of her personality my family dislikes. She has also been insulted by them behind her back numerous times so every time she's around (or we are), they put up a facade and pretend like everything is hunky dory. We're all moved out at this point so it's not that often that we all see each other.
I'm not really going to get into all the details, but both of us are having a lot of struggles in life right now whereas the rest of my family is blooming. Here are some examples:
-Brother and his wife get a new house in the summer. My Mom is furious because my GF doesn't have the time to see it or is unaware she would feel uncomfortable over there. His wife has been nasty to my GF in the past though everyone looks at his wife as the second coming of Christ. When I'm with the rest of the family, all they ever talked about was the house. Even on my birthday, my parents had me over with my brother but instead of all that was going on about me, they talked about the house 90% of the time. we were ignored most of the time. My Mom harasses me about my GF not seeing the house all the time (I've seen it 4-5 times by myself).
- Brother and his wife are having a baby next April. My GF's father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is on his death bed. Her family may be losing the house he lives in. On top of that, we're both really busy with work and I'm going to grad classes 4 times a week at night. My mom is complaining that my GF hasn't sent them a congratulatory note or any acknowledgement....
- Because of my GF's father probably having his last THanksgiving this year, I decided to spend the whole holiday with her family. My mom still put up a fight. To show the double standard, my sister spent the holiday with her fiance's family the whole and she did not put up a fight on that front.
- My mom finds it appalling that my GF simply doesn't like my brother's wife, despite them being cordial enough in front of each other.
Overall, sounds like my family (mom in particular) is trying to make situations that cause conflict between my GF and I. It's destroying me emotionally.
No real question here, but more of a rant to get things off my chest.
You are blaming your wife because you didn't deal with your family issues earlier. Having children multiples unresolved family issues. Stand up to your family.
This can't be normal can it? Has anyone seen a situation like this?
I just found out today that my brother and his wife are pregnant with their second kid...they just hit the 12 week mark and the baby will be due early December. They have another kid who is 3. My wife and I have a son that is 15 months and are also expecting a second baby around early December.
My wife hates my brother's wife and thinks my parents favor her/them much more over us....that's probably because my niece gets to see my parents all the time and with my kid, my wife puts moratoriums on when my parents can visit our son..like every 2 weeks or so. To add insult to injury, my wife also dislikes my niece because she came from my sister in law.
Needless to say my wife is not only pissed they are having a second kid at all, but also that he/she will be born around the same time as our second one. She had a cute idea to announce to my family on father's day, but now she just wants me to text them or call them...not even tell them in person ! (They live 15 minutes away). She thinks now that our second kid will be irrelevant beause my brother's second kid will be the hot topic of the year from my parents' perspective.
So I ask - this isn't normal is it? Has anyone else had any family drama where kids from the same general family are born around the week? I try to tell her "just focus on our two kids", but I have the feeling I'm going to be the target of her envy and disappointment for a long time...as if I can control when other people decide to have babies.
This can't be normal can it? Has anyone seen a situation like this?
So I ask - this isn't normal is it? Has anyone else had any family drama where kids from the same general family are born around the week? I try to tell her "just focus on our two kids", but I have the feeling I'm going to be the target of her envy and disappointment for a long time...as if I can control when other people decide to have babies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelorn
Here's what will happen: Your wife's attitude just poisons everything.
No, your wife's behavior is absolutely not within the range of "normal", not even remotely normal. Your wife came to you with her issues of jealousy from the first day you met her, IMHO. Not only will you suffer her disappointment and vitriol but your parents, your brother, his wife and their precious children will as well. You are all are innocent bystanders of her jealousy and I just hope she doesn't pass it on to your children, it would be dishonorable.
Maybe counseling or therapy would help her but who is going to even slightly suggest to her that she would benefit from such intervention, hmm?
For your sake (and your family's sake) I hope your wife gets struck by the proverbial bolt of lightning and wakes up to the important issues of her life such as being married, a wife, pregnant and having a baby. Right now her health (mental and physical) and the health and well being of your second baby are paramount to anything else but I don't think your wife will be thinking along those lines.
Best wishes OP, you have a lot on your plate right now.
So, my father's birthday was the second week in June. Myself, my sister and my eldest brother all had babies due on his birthday, none of the three grandchildren were born on his birthday but within one to two days of his birthday. From the first we knew of this, nobody was jealous or angry about it but rather we were thrilled that we would be celebrating all of our children's birthdays along with our beloved father.
No, no drama at all, it's just the way we are.
Yes, I realize it is not exactly the same as your situation...but close enough.
For your sake (and your family's sake) I hope your wife gets struck by the proverbial bolt of lightning and wakes up to the important issues of her life such as being married, a wife, pregnant and having a baby. Right now her health (mental and physical) and the health and well being of your second baby are paramount to anything else but I don't think your wife will be thinking along those lines.
You might want to read the threads where Grandma and Brother's Wife had it in for the OP's wife from the very beginning, long before they were married or had children.
There has been bad blood for nearly five years and it started with the OP's birth family. He threw his wife under the bus when he created this thread to gin up support for his own weak behavior. So thanks for playing.
since i have only your interpretation of the situation, it is difficult to know if this is normal behavior, specially since she is pregnant. Your wife may have a very good reason to dislike the sister in law. You also said your parents favor your brothers family over you and your wife, but blame it on visitation bounties set by your wife. it is apparent to me, that you are siding with everyone, except your wife. No wonder she is pissed.
I agree with Fluffy on this. Reading the earlier posts wherein there was trouble as soon as he brought this woman into his family (and they actually lived with them at first, I gather), you can tell that the OP's family had issues with her right away, and the OP should have realized this was not going to end well.
Who's right? This has gone on so long that I don't see any good ending. The OP may have to choose between peace at home or his birth family.
Long story short, I am now the black sheep of my family because I've been with a girl for almost 3 years and there's certain aspects of her personality my family dislikes. She has also been insulted by them behind her back numerous times so every time she's around (or we are), they put up a facade and pretend like everything is hunky dory. We're all moved out at this point so it's not that often that we all see each other.
I'm not really going to get into all the details, but both of us are having a lot of struggles in life right now whereas the rest of my family is blooming. Here are some examples:
-Brother and his wife get a new house in the summer. My Mom is furious because my GF doesn't have the time to see it or is unaware she would feel uncomfortable over there. His wife has been nasty to my GF in the past though everyone looks at his wife as the second coming of Christ. When I'm with the rest of the family, all they ever talked about was the house. Even on my birthday, my parents had me over with my brother but instead of all that was going on about me, they talked about the house 90% of the time. we were ignored most of the time. My Mom harasses me about my GF not seeing the house all the time (I've seen it 4-5 times by myself).
- Brother and his wife are having a baby next April. My GF's father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and is on his death bed. Her family may be losing the house he lives in. On top of that, we're both really busy with work and I'm going to grad classes 4 times a week at night. My mom is complaining that my GF hasn't sent them a congratulatory note or any acknowledgement....
- Because of my GF's father probably having his last THanksgiving this year, I decided to spend the whole holiday with her family. My mom still put up a fight. To show the double standard, my sister spent the holiday with her fiance's family the whole and she did not put up a fight on that front.
- My mom finds it appalling that my GF simply doesn't like my brother's wife, despite them being cordial enough in front of each other.
Overall, sounds like my family (mom in particular) is trying to make situations that cause conflict between my GF and I. It's destroying me emotionally.
No real question here, but more of a rant to get things off my chest.
You are blaming your wife because you didn't deal with your family issues earlier. Having children multiples unresolved family issues. Stand up to your family.
this is spot on, best advice, cuts to the chase.
a man who can't stand up for his wife, can't stand up to his family is the one responsible for destroying this marriage.
here is the litmus test: the wife says "honey let's go to therapy to work this out, because it is a huge problem in our marriage that you side with your parents and do not stand up for me as your wife."
does he say "yes let's go to therapy I care about our marriage and working things out and setting healthy boundaries with my family. Your feelings are important to me, and I want us to work together as a couple to make our marriage strong."
or does he say "you're the one with the problem, nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with my family, no way am I going to therapy. stop making me choose between my parents and you, that is what the problem is and that's your problem, not mine, and not my family's"
Look, I gotta go run some errands so I'm not gonna read through this entire thread. As the child of an unreasonable mother who has some kind of undiagosed personality disorder, I'm going to urge you to rethink your marriage entirely and enlist some kind of therapist. I'm 42 years old, and I can assure you that the damage that was done to me by my mother was immense, and she isn't even as crazy as your wife sounds.
I'm happy and successful, but I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that my mother does not understand how functional love works. I never had children because deep down I was terrified I'd parent like she did. I've never married or had much in the way of long-term relationships because I never emotionally trusted anyone. The ones I did have were dysfunctional in the extreme. There's more, but those are the salient points.
Your wife is not well and she is creating a toxic environment for your child to grow up in. You have a part in this too though - you have been very passive it sounds like. Take a stand for functionality and the welfare of your child and lay down some boundaries. If for some inexplicable reason you want to remain in this marriage you MUST enlist the help of mental health professionals. And if your wife balks at this, I'm going to say quite plainly that you must take your child and leave her.
DOCUMENT everything. Consult a lawyer on what the bounds are of legal vs. illegal. Make sure your own nose is clean. But the status quo here is unacceptable, and if you treat it as if it IS unacceptable you are failing your family and, most depressingly, your child.
So this is the same woman who goes weeks without brushing her teeth, and pitches screaming tantrums if she's not invited to taste the cookie dough in exactly the right way at exactly the same time?
Those incidents were what are known as "red flags." If you marry someone with bizarre issues, you marry the issues too. I wish you (and especially the children) the best of luck. Your lives are going to be sheer hell.
So this is the same woman who goes weeks without brushing her teeth, and pitches screaming tantrums if she's not invited to taste the cookie dough in exactly the right way at exactly the same time?
Those incidents were what are known as "red flags." If you marry someone with bizarre issues, you marry the issues too. I wish you (and especially the children) the best of luck. Your lives are going to be sheer hell.
I haven't read the other threads, only the quotes herein but this^^^^? The quoted threads make the OP seem immature, spineless and clueless as well.
The family may have treated her poorly from the jump because they could see how horrid she is, no?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
