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Thank you. This is great. It pretty much reinforces my opinion that babies need some help falling asleep instead off just leaving them to cry for a prolonged period of time until they give up on their parents and fall asleep on their own.
Additionally, it's not about US after all. It's about our children. I put my child before my own need for sleep (within reasons of course).
Thanks from me too! I think the line about setting my expectations to getting less sleep has helped me. I'm one of those people who really needs my 7-8 hours, but that just can't happen right now. The past couple nights I've felt very calm, if not happy to get up multiple times to feed the twins, change them, and rock them back to sleep. I made a couple changes to be able to get more sleep for myself - I've been allowed to work from home Tuesdays and Thursdays (we have a nanny in the house all day) so at lunch, I take a nap those days. Plus we've moved up bed time and get them ready a little after 7 p.m. and I'm in bed by 8:30, then get up at 6 a.m., so with 9.5 hours, minus the time I'm up for feedings, I'm probably getting 7 hours. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time during the week for anything else, but they're only babies once and it's too important a job to screw it up!
My son didn't start sleeping all night until he was well over 1 and my daughter doesn't (she'll be 9 months Sunday). I want her to but i'm not getting my hopes up. I think it has to do with her wanting to nurse for comfort. Whatever the reason, she probably won't sleep all night until i stop nursing.
Thanks from me too! I think the line about setting my expectations to getting less sleep has helped me. I'm one of those people who really needs my 7-8 hours, but that just can't happen right now. The past couple nights I've felt very calm, if not happy to get up multiple times to feed the twins, change them, and rock them back to sleep. I made a couple changes to be able to get more sleep for myself - I've been allowed to work from home Tuesdays and Thursdays (we have a nanny in the house all day) so at lunch, I take a nap those days. Plus we've moved up bed time and get them ready a little after 7 p.m. and I'm in bed by 8:30, then get up at 6 a.m., so with 9.5 hours, minus the time I'm up for feedings, I'm probably getting 7 hours. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time during the week for anything else, but they're only babies once and it's too important a job to screw it up!
It is amazing how you feel once you change your expectations isn't it? I love it and am glad that it's helped you as well.
It truly does make motherhood much more enjoyable and you cherish that time you have with them as little babies much more than you cherish your sleep. Add to that....napping during the day and going to bed earlier is a perfect solution. After all, our babies get to sleep when they want to and can, so what's wrong with us following their example? hehehe
Thank you. This is great. It pretty much reinforces my opinion that babies need some help falling asleep instead off just leaving them to cry for a prolonged period of time until they give up on their parents and fall asleep on their own.
Additionally, it's not about US after all. It's about our children. I put my child before my own need for sleep (within reasons of course).
You're welcome.
On the cry it out issue....I think I have a different definition of cry it out than what most seem to have. To me it means you leave the child alone and let them cry until they either fall asleep exhausted or get physically sick.
To let them fuss for a short time as they adjust is quite different in my experience.
If you are teaching them to self soothe the best way possible, you are not letting them cry it out.
Fo example with the OP and the 8th month old. Perhaps mom wants to try to use a stuffed animal that baby likes to sleep with to help her go to sleep on her own.
When it's bedtime, mom nurses but stops before the baby drifts off. Then she puts the baby in bed still awake and gives her the animal. Mom takes a few moments to talk softly to the baby about the sweet animal cuddling up to her, rubs/pats her back(or tummy) and tells her night night. Mom should still be near enough to be ready to resume talking, patting and handing the animal back to her daughter.
Sure the baby might cry at first because she's not nursing, however that doesn't mean she is being left to cry on her own. Mom is right there letting her adjust to the first change-not nursing to sleep. Mom doesn't have to pick her up to let her know she's safe and secure, she just needs to talk to her and give her some reassuring touches.
Then as she begins to learn to settle down without being nursed, mom moves further away from the baby until she has made it outside the room. Mom should return to reassure the baby each time the baby begins to fuss and should focus on the stuffed animal for the soothing. This can all be done very easily without it leading to the baby fully crying.
As moms we all have times our babies cry until we can get to them. It happens for all manners of reasons and often times they have stopped when they hear our voices or even just by the time we get there . It could be we're in the other side of the house when they start or in the bathroom or in the shower or need to wash our hands first.
Just apply the same thought process to getting them to sleep at night. If we don't go right to them the second they start to fuss they might settle down right back on their own. If they don't then it's our cue to step back in and reassure them. The intervals of time between will vary with each child. Some may be fine for only a minute or two at first, others may work with 5 minutes or 10 minutes.
If mom returns often enough and then begins spacing out those intervals more she won't get to the point of letting her child cry it out simply because she keeps coming back. Very easy to keep that from happening.
Sure the baby might cry at first because she's not nursing, however that doesn't mean she is being left to cry on her own. Mom is right there letting her adjust to the first change-not nursing to sleep. Mom doesn't have to pick her up to let her know she's safe and secure, she just needs to talk to her and give her some reassuring touches.
I basically agree with this. I think that cry-it-out means leaving baby to cry alone for the purpose of self-soothing. Helping your baby learn other means of soothing while you are there and comforting her is not cry-it-out. Your baby crying until you are able to get there is not cry-it-out either. I do not believe in having my baby cry-it-out, but that doesn't mean that my baby never cries or that I give her everything that she wants when she wants it either.
I've heard that the "cry out" method is for babies older than 6 monts and that in the first 6 months, they only cry if they truly need something - hungry, need a diaper change, etc. and that they don't make the connection between crying and getting attention early on. I'll definitely try the method hypocore posted - is 6 weeks too early for that, in your opinion? Or is it better just to wait until they're 6 months or so?
I tell myself crying won't kill them when I can't get to them soon enough. One twin will cry and tears roll down his cheeks! The other one has no tears. But if he's hungry and I'm in the shower, for instance, he goes from zero to tears very fast. They both seem to know when I'm either in the shower, or about to eat - both things seem to trigger meltdowns!
On the cry it out issue....I think I have a different definition of cry it out than what most seem to have. To me it means you leave the child alone and let them cry until they either fall asleep exhausted or get physically sick.
To let them fuss for a short time as they adjust is quite different in my experience.
If you are teaching them to self soothe the best way possible, you are not letting them cry it out.
Fo example with the OP and the 8th month old. Perhaps mom wants to try to use a stuffed animal that baby likes to sleep with to help her go to sleep on her own.
When it's bedtime, mom nurses but stops before the baby drifts off. Then she puts the baby in bed still awake and gives her the animal. Mom takes a few moments to talk softly to the baby about the sweet animal cuddling up to her, rubs/pats her back(or tummy) and tells her night night. Mom should still be near enough to be ready to resume talking, patting and handing the animal back to her daughter.
Sure the baby might cry at first because she's not nursing, however that doesn't mean she is being left to cry on her own. Mom is right there letting her adjust to the first change-not nursing to sleep. Mom doesn't have to pick her up to let her know she's safe and secure, she just needs to talk to her and give her some reassuring touches.
Then as she begins to learn to settle down without being nursed, mom moves further away from the baby until she has made it outside the room. Mom should return to reassure the baby each time the baby begins to fuss and should focus on the stuffed animal for the soothing. This can all be done very easily without it leading to the baby fully crying.
As moms we all have times our babies cry until we can get to them. It happens for all manners of reasons and often times they have stopped when they hear our voices or even just by the time we get there . It could be we're in the other side of the house when they start or in the bathroom or in the shower or need to wash our hands first.
Just apply the same thought process to getting them to sleep at night. If we don't go right to them the second they start to fuss they might settle down right back on their own. If they don't then it's our cue to step back in and reassure them. The intervals of time between will vary with each child. Some may be fine for only a minute or two at first, others may work with 5 minutes or 10 minutes.
If mom returns often enough and then begins spacing out those intervals more she won't get to the point of letting her child cry it out simply because she keeps coming back. Very easy to keep that from happening.
I don't think your example is what I would call "cry it out" either. Your method is much more gradual.
I was asking PP because it seemed as leaving for 10 minutes, then like another 10 minutes...that seems like a long time. The baby doesn't know that his mother is in another room. Once she is not near, she must as well dissappear completely, it's all the same to him. The baby must hear mommy's voice or feel the presence...
I'm not saying that we shouldn't allow crying at all, I actually think that sometimes having a good cry is good for a baby, but the mother must be near, a baby shouldn't feel left alone, because he doesn't know the elements of time and space yet.
I've heard that the "cry out" method is for babies older than 6 monts and that in the first 6 months, they only cry if they truly need something - hungry, need a diaper change, etc. and that they don't make the connection between crying and getting attention early on. I'll definitely try the method hypocore posted - is 6 weeks too early for that, in your opinion? Or is it better just to wait until they're 6 months or so?
I tell myself crying won't kill them when I can't get to them soon enough. One twin will cry and tears roll down his cheeks! The other one has no tears. But if he's hungry and I'm in the shower, for instance, he goes from zero to tears very fast. They both seem to know when I'm either in the shower, or about to eat - both things seem to trigger meltdowns!
I'd think 6 weeks is still a little too early to know exactly what your babies need, especially as twins. To me, by 6 weeks I've just barely learned to distinguish the different cries and their likely meanings for a couple of my kids. haha
My oldest was happy as could be to be by herself in her crib. She'd wake in the middle of the night just to wake up and she'd play with her crib toy that hung on the side for a little while, then go back to sleep. And this was before she could roll herself over and such. She'd merely learned she could make noise by batting it with her hand and kicking it with her feet.
My second was much more challenging. She did NOT want to go to sleep alone. I ended up rocking her to sleep for quite a long time frame...well past 2yrs bascially, yet I simply accepted that was what was necessary for her from at a very young age. I considered it her and my alone time together and learned to cherish it. Many times I'd sit beside her bed and rub her back for a bit too. It was quite often that I'd wake up and find her in my bed during the middle of the night, after she graduated from the crib. Sigh.
My third was in between the two as far as most times she was fine and dandy falling asleep all by herself but other times she wanted/needed to be rocked/cuddled, so we did. She would attach herself to certain stuffed characters, but never the same one for long. Laa Laa, then Elmo, then Barney....etc. I've quite a little collection of miniature stuffed things from her.
Now, my fourth. haha From day one there was no way he(my only boy) was going to sleep anywhere without someone else right up against him. Which meant me for quite awhile since I was nursing. We eventually figured he couldn't regulate his body temp as well as the others and got colder easier, so he really needed that body heat from us since he was born in early January. He refused to take a pacifier, he never got an attachment to any kind of lovey either, so getting him to self soothe was a challenge. We eventually passed that hurdle though!
It just takes time and patience and understanding that them wanting you all the time isn't such a bad thing....most of the time anyway. haha
My second was much more challenging. She did NOT want to go to sleep alone. I ended up rocking her to sleep for quite a long time frame...well past 2yrs bascially, yet I simply accepted that was what was necessary for her from at a very young age. I considered it her and my alone time together and learned to cherish it. Many times I'd sit beside her bed and rub her back for a bit too. It was quite often that I'd wake up and find her in my bed during the middle of the night, after she graduated from the crib. Sigh.
That's how my DS is and always was. He always needed me to fall asleep. I never really minded it, because it gave me the opportunity to bond with him and unwind together.
I guess I never quite understood the whole concept of self-soothing. Eventually ALL children fall asleep on their own. Some sooner then later, but I hardly see any teenagers wanting his mama to fall asleep. This time of "motherly need" is so short, why rush it?
I'd think 6 weeks is still a little too early to know exactly what your babies need, especially as twins. To me, by 6 weeks I've just barely learned to distinguish the different cries and their likely meanings for a couple of my kids. haha
My oldest was happy as could be to be by herself in her crib. She'd wake in the middle of the night just to wake up and she'd play with her crib toy that hung on the side for a little while, then go back to sleep. And this was before she could roll herself over and such. She'd merely learned she could make noise by batting it with her hand and kicking it with her feet.
My second was much more challenging. She did NOT want to go to sleep alone. I ended up rocking her to sleep for quite a long time frame...well past 2yrs bascially, yet I simply accepted that was what was necessary for her from at a very young age. I considered it her and my alone time together and learned to cherish it. Many times I'd sit beside her bed and rub her back for a bit too. It was quite often that I'd wake up and find her in my bed during the middle of the night, after she graduated from the crib. Sigh.
My third was in between the two as far as most times she was fine and dandy falling asleep all by herself but other times she wanted/needed to be rocked/cuddled, so we did. She would attach herself to certain stuffed characters, but never the same one for long. Laa Laa, then Elmo, then Barney....etc. I've quite a little collection of miniature stuffed things from her.
Now, my fourth. haha From day one there was no way he(my only boy) was going to sleep anywhere without someone else right up against him. Which meant me for quite awhile since I was nursing. We eventually figured he couldn't regulate his body temp as well as the others and got colder easier, so he really needed that body heat from us since he was born in early January. He refused to take a pacifier, he never got an attachment to any kind of lovey either, so getting him to self soothe was a challenge. We eventually passed that hurdle though!
It just takes time and patience and understanding that them wanting you all the time isn't such a bad thing....most of the time anyway. haha
Thank God for the Baby Bjorn! I've found that when I need to do things around the house, I put the fussy/awake twin in it and go about my business (even working in the yard) if the other is asleep. It's a nice way to be close, keep a baby happy, and get something accomplished. They're both just starting to look at the little animals hanging from their bouncy seats, so I would think they may start occupying themselves a little bit with things like that, or watching the mobiles over their cribs.
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