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As i've mentioned in other posts, my wife and I married a couple of months ago and she has two boys - 4 & 7 - whom i've known for several years, although I just officially took the "daddy" title.
They've always had the habit of eating dinner in front of the TV kind of cafeteria style, but I really think everyone should eat together at the dinner table. My family did that growing up and I have memories of that "family time" without the TV glaring cartoons or a sitcom in the background.
I've begun trying to implement this new policy to mixed reviews Their mom has been supportive and the 4-year-old deals with it, although he does inject some occasional pouting as a show of his displeasure.
The 7-year-old tends to be a bit more protesting, even to the point that he won't eat if there's something on he wants to watch. I make him sit there, but he's pretty strong-willed. I even DVR whatever they're missing so they can watch it later, but still there's pouting and protesting.
So, some advice would be welcomed....anyone have similar dinner table battles? Am I being excessively strict? Should I just forget the table thing? I think it may become a real "line in the sand" kind of discipline issue, which really wasn't my intent...i'd just like everyone to have dinner together...seems so simple
Stand in there. Don't give in on this one. They don't know it yet, but 20 years from now, they will think that is the best thing you ever did for them, and brag to their friends about their dad, and they'll raise their kids that way, too.
No, you're not being unreasonable. Just make the family dinner a very positive time and the older child will likely come around.
I think it's wrong to make food or dinner time an issue because it can lead to eating disorders or a fight at the dinner table just negates everything you're trying to accomplish. Better just have a great dinner, let him see that he's the one missing out.
Stand in there. Don't give in on this one. They don't know it yet, but 20 years from now, they will think that is the best thing you ever did for them, and brag to their friends about their dad, and they'll raise their kids that way, too.
Thanks all. I do wonder though, how to handle the 7-year-old during his no-eating protests. His resolve and stamina is surprising...a few nights ago, he actually sat there until he fell asleep. "Dinner time" had long passed, but he held firm...and I know he really likes what we had for dinner that night. All of this over an episode of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", which was Tivo'd for his enjoyment after dinner...all he had to do was eat at the table with us first.
We used to have the TV on during meals but sat at the kitchen table. It was such a distraction that we turn on music, or turn it off while we eat. I think it is important to have that time to sit together, face each other, and talk. You are not expecting too much. You could DVR their favorite shows so they can watch later, if they behave during dinner.
Thanks all. I do wonder though, how to handle the 7-year-old during his no-eating protests. His resolve and stamina is surprising...a few nights ago, he actually sat there until he fell asleep. "Dinner time" had long passed, but he held firm...and I know he really likes what we had for dinner that night. All of this over an episode of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", which was Tivo'd for his enjoyment after dinner...all he had to do was eat at the table with us first.
It's hard to keep it positive with that going on
I think you need to out-resolve him. Maybe the rule should be peanut butter sandwich if he wants to eat with the television and he'll have to miss out on great dinner conversations and discussions besides good food. No deserts for him either if he wishes to pick his way.
I think he'll get tired of being left out, you don't have to battle him but set the terms so that his winning isn't really winning anything. I think you can give him an option but set the terms of his option so they won't be what he wants in the end.
We used to have the TV on during meals but sat at the kitchen table. It was such a distraction that we turn on music, or turn it off while we eat. I think it is important to have that time to sit together, face each other, and talk. You are not expecting too much. You could DVR their favorite shows so they can watch later, if they behave during dinner.
This is an important part. Has the child been allowed to watch his shows even though he behaved this way?
In my household, we always sit at the table to eat. It just is. Because they have never had this structured dinner time routine, the child is just pushing to get his way, it has little to do with the tv show though.
Maybe try asking him/her? to participate in getting ready for dinner. Some kids really enjoy being helpful, especially if they get to have some participation rights, like we make your favorite dinner tonight, and make it some sort of fun to get the table ready.
My kids know that if they don't sit at the table, they just don't get to eat. Plain and simple is that eventually he will give in to eating at the table. I even make my children eat snacks at the dinner table because I don't like crumbs and what not all around my house.
This is just a new change, and maybe some gentle reminders and plenty of preparation of the new way and it will become a new way of life. Change is hard for everyone, even 7 year olds.
I was a single mom for 3 years and I have to admit I was so tired some nights that I could have cared less where we ate. Some nights it was struggle enough to just get food out much less have everyone eat around the table.
When I remarried my older two were 5 and 8. It was a struggle to get them back to the table every night. Instead of making it an issue every evening, we started out by saying the new rule is that we will all sit down together on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. No exceptions. They balked a little at first but it worked. After a few months they started enjoying dinner at the table. The older two are now 20 and 17 and it is rare that we are all home at the same time for dinner but when we are they always want to sit at the table.
Take it in stages and don't push too hard. They will come around. On whatever nights you chose, make in non-negotiable. Either you eat at the table or you don't eat. It usually only takes one or two nights of going to bed hungry to make one a little more understanding of the rules. Oh, and make sure you and your wife are both in agreement on this (and everything else for that matter). The old "divide and conquer" is a killer in a blended family. Stay on the same page and the kids will come around.
Do you have a set dinner time each night? If you do, maybe you could try saying "The tv will go off from 6:00 -6:30 (or however long your dinner lasts) every night so we can enjoy dinner together." Then let him know that he can join you for dinner at that time or he can sit in the living room with the tv off and be hungry. Make sure he knows that the tv will be off during that time regardless of whether he eats or not. Let him know that after dinner time he can watch the show that you taped for him if he joins you for dinner. If he refuses to join you, then no tv the rest of the night. If this is a new rule, it will take some time for him to adjust. Make sure you remind him each night when it gets close to dinner time so he will remember.
I don't think you are being unreasonable. Tv is such a distraction from real life. My children are only allowed to watch one hour of tv during the week and two hours on the weekends. They are 11yo and 15yo.
Maybe dinner is not the issue, TV is. Is TV so centralized as a fixture in their lives that they can't walk away from it for 30 minutes?
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Their mom has been supportive and the 4-year-old deals with it, although he does inject some occasional pouting as a show of his displeasure.
