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I understand his not wanting to tell the other parents at this point. You'd be surprised. Most parents don't tell other parents when they catch kids doing all sorts of things---from doing drugs, etc. It's because other parents are nuts and often blame the other kid instead of their own. (Just as you are blaming the OP's kid even though the other kid is significantly larger than the OPs child.)
Here's an example. I found out my child was getting high at his friend's house. Turns out everyone was getting high at his friend's house. The parents went to bed at 10pm every night like clock work. They didn't THINK! The older brother and the older brother's friends were the ones who introduced it to the younger brother and his friends. Throughout a period of a couple of years, an entire sports team was slowly introduced to marijuana at that house.
If I had told them, they would have viewed my son as the one who introduced it to their kid. I know this because they always view the other kids as the problem and just stop letting their kids be friends, never addressing the real problem was often their own kids. Instead of telling them, I simply restricted my son from going to their house---especially for sleep overs---and urine tested my son regularly. As a result, his friend spent a lot of time at our house where they were properly supervised. (I didnt' sleep some nights!)
Two years later, she catches her son getting high by himself before school. She calls me since my son was her son's best friend. She was truly looking for someone else to blame when there was no realistic reason to think my son was involved. I had been urine testing my son regularly for two years. I know my son never involved himself in it after I found out. She only mellowed out when I named every kid who was introduced to marijuana at her house---some of which were children of her friends who were visiting with their children at her house when it happened.
This was years ago. It all worked out. They're still good friends. I gave her guidance about the urine tests. The kids are all doing fine. If I had told her initially, it would have been a distaster.
As parents, we're responsible for what happens in our own houses. The OP isn't allowing sleepovers anymore. The OP ultimately had a serious talk with the boy. He has decided not to say anything to the parents FOR NOW.
So you knew the house was a drug hangout and kept quiet?? But made sure to help your own child??
As a parent, I am responsible for my children wherever they are. As a responsible member of my community,, I do not believe I would keep quiet about an entire sports team being turned on to drugs at someones home.
So you knew the house was a drug hangout and kept quiet?? But made sure to help your own child??
As a parent, I am responsible for my children wherever they are. As a responsible member of my community,, I do not believe I would keep quiet about an entire sports team being turned on to drugs at someones home.
At the very least, I would have sure sent the parents an anonymous letter or something....wonder if someone had gotten seriously sick or died as a direct result of what was going on and you knew but did nothing about it...I understand wanting not everything to be blamed on your child but I believe at some point you owe it to other parents to clue them in...
So you knew the house was a drug hangout and kept quiet?? But made sure to help your own child??
As a parent, I am responsible for my children wherever they are. As a responsible member of my community,, I do not believe I would keep quiet about an entire sports team being turned on to drugs at someones home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
At the very least, I would have sure sent the parents an anonymous letter or something....wonder if someone had gotten seriously sick or died as a direct result of what was going on and you knew but did nothing about it...I understand wanting not everything to be blamed on your child but I believe at some point you owe it to other parents to clue them in...
Absolutely....
I wonder how many of those kids are still using drugs today and who may have gone on to use stronger drugs?
Parents are responsible for what they know.
Most, don't want to "get involved" because they're afraid of what people will think about THEM.
I found out my child was getting high at his friend's house. Turns out everyone was getting high at his friend's house. The parents went to bed at 10pm every night like clock work. They didn't THINK! The older brother and the older brother's friends were the ones who introduced it to the younger brother and his friends. Throughout a period of a couple of years, an entire sports team was slowly introduced to marijuana at that house.
Eesh. Are parents expected to stay awake till all hours of the night to make sure their kids aren't smoking up? I would think that the place would reek of it regardless... or moreso that the parents smoked it themselves and were oblivious to the smell.
If the parents know and allow what is going on there is nothing else much you can do...but Hopes indicated that the parents were simply clueless....I have a teenaged son and when he has friends over, I know where they are and what they are doing. If he regularly had a whole slew of boys over at night, you can be sure I'd not be sound asleep and I would be checking things out when they left. You might not smell anything (and not everything smells) depending on the home and where things were going on....If they had a large finished basement with windows and the parents were sleeping on the second floor and rarely went down to the basement....it's possible to not notice....
At the very least, I would have sure sent the parents an anonymous letter or something....wonder if someone had gotten seriously sick or died as a direct result of what was going on and you knew but did nothing about it...I understand wanting not everything to be blamed on your child but I believe at some point you owe it to other parents to clue them in...
I didn't know the full scope of what was happening at the time I caught my son. It developed over time through stories I would hear from other kids.
Eesh. Are parents expected to stay awake till all hours of the night to make sure their kids aren't smoking up? I would think that the place would reek of it regardless... or moreso that the parents smoked it themselves and were oblivious to the smell.
They were sneaking outside. I agree, how could they not know though.
If the parents know and allow what is going on there is nothing else much you can do...but Hopes indicated that the parents were simply clueless....I have a teenaged son and when he has friends over, I know where they are and what they are doing. If he regularly had a whole slew of boys over at night, you can be sure I'd not be sound asleep and I would be checking things out when they left. You might not smell anything (and not everything smells) depending on the home and where things were going on....If they had a large finished basement with windows and the parents were sleeping on the second floor and rarely went down to the basement....it's possible to not notice....
That's the way I was----staying awake and watching every sound. I'd check in regularly too by popping my head inside the door.
I was always like that. I just became moreso like that after I knew there was marijuana experimentation.
I didn't know the full scope of what was happening at the time I caught my son. It developed over time through stories I would hear from other kids.
Her kids were good kids who happened to smoke marijuana. I wasn't going to destroy their reputations by spreadking it around.
Who said anything about "spreading it around"....notifying the parents (either directly or anonymously) is not the same as spreading rumors or gossiping to others. "Good kids" or not, they put their parents and other kids at risk (which I fully get that teens don't really grasp) by hosting drug parties on their parent's private propery.....I believe there is an obligation there if another adult is aware.
So you knew the house was a drug hangout and kept quiet?? But made sure to help your own child??
As a parent, I am responsible for my children wherever they are. As a responsible member of my community,, I do not believe I would keep quiet about an entire sports team being turned on to drugs at someones home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by World Citizen
Absolutely....
I wonder how many of those kids are still using drugs today and who may have gone on to use stronger drugs?
Parents are responsible for what they know.
Most, don't want to "get involved" because they're afraid of what people will think about THEM.
Her kids were good kids who happened to smoke marijuana. I wasn't going to destroy their lives by spreading it around.
The other kids's parents should have been more vigilant. I sure didnt' rely on someone telling me.
I figured it out what was happening from the very start. Dont' see how none of them could figure it out for themselves.
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