Here we go.....again.... (boy, child, 14 year old, learning)
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OMG.... as I said , I realize that I probably need to "let go" a little bit, my gosh! I should know better because all of you are of course, much better parents.... wow! I don't really understand why people are so freaking critical of other people, honestly!
I don't hover around my children when they are outside, I let them play, I let them resolve issues on their own (unless there is need for me to intervene), I am not a "helicopter parent" as some are implying.
I agree, yes, they need to be more independent. I am working on it.
I did the same as mentioned above when I was a child, I was outside with the neighborhood kids all of the time, with no supervision.
Although some will argue that times are not different, that it is just heard of more so, I do believe that times are vastly different.
The older kids are showing the younger kids things on their cell phones, their laptops,etc...
My daughter who is not 8 yet, asked me why the kid down the street has a picture of his friends' "boobies" on his cell phone??? nice.
Yes, we live in a very nice neighborhood, that doesn't mean that the older kids aren't doing what the large marjority of other older kids are doing..
It is these things that I don't need my young kids seeing but if I am not out there , I have no idea what is going on, that is the issue.
I would have kindly asked the kid to put his cell phone away or save it for his friends, not for the younger ones in the neighborhood.
Am I right?
I know that one can't get things done inside if they are outside with their kids,but at the same time, that is part of my problem. I don't see that as bad parenting though, I see it as a parent who just needs to loosen the strings somewhat, I am fully aware of that.
Obviously, coming to these boards for sound advice really doesn't happen much. I would never speak to anyone who asked me for advice the way some of you feel the need to do, it is good to know though,that there are so many other much better parents out there than myself.
For god's sake people, you aren't perfect either.
You are absolutely right. You know your children. You know your neighborhood. You know what is happening. You sound like a very good parent, who is very involved with your children. You will let go gradually and when it is appropriate. Keep listening to your inner voice. It is a lot of work to be a good parent but it also pays well - hugs/kisses/kids who turn out really well. Keep up the good work!
There's no way I'd allow an 8 year old to play with a 14 year old. A 14 year old has no business playing with little kids. They should be with kids their age. I'd put my 8 year old out and tell her that if so-and-so came out and did things that he shouldn't be doing, bring your friends over and play around our house or close by.
I don't understand this attitude. People do not have to be the same age to be friends.
My guys (16, 13, 11) LOVE the little kids who live next door and across the street. The play together when everyone is outside together and I don't think there is anything inappropriate about it. Their mother has even said that she likes when my older boys are playing with her boys (who are MUCH younger at 3,5) because she can go inside to go to the bathroom/get a drink because they won't let the little ones run into the street.
We also live in a neighborhood where the boys play football in the park on the corner of our street. The older boys are usually in charge. They are "all time quarterbacks" and play with all the neighborhood kids ranging in age from about 8-18. Sometimes there are even a few younger kids (usually brothers of older boys). It's what makes our neighborhood more of a community.
No. It really isn't the same thing. Not even close.
Seeing pictures of some unknown, adult posing in a porn magazine is one thing (not something we want our 8 year olds looking at, but it happens). Seeing the "boobies" of a neighbor girl on another kid's cell phone is a different thing entirely - pictures like that can have very damaging, long lasting consequences to all of the parties involved...
I don't think you should hover over an 8 year old (or a 14 year old for that matter) but, in this day and age, you really do need to know what your kids are up to.
I would put seeing the boobies of neighborhood girl in the category of something that we don't want to happen, but it happens. It passes (like gas) and the kids move on to something else unless the adults make it into a monumental issue.
I don't understand this attitude. People do not have to be the same age to be friends.
I'm not asking you to.
When a 14 year old is showing pictures from his cellphone of neighborhood girls with their shirts pulled up, that 14 year old has no business playing with those little kids.
When a 14 year old is showing pictures from his cellphone of neighborhood girls with their shirts pulled up, that 14 year old has no business playing with those little kids.
I agree that I would not want an 8 year old playing with the 14 year old YOU described above. However, your original post stated
"There's no way I'd allow an 8 year old to play with a 14 year old. A 14 year old has no business playing with little kids."
Meaning that no 14 year old has any business playing with any 8 year old. Big difference (and not just semantics).
I would put seeing the boobies of neighborhood girl in the category of something that we don't want to happen, but it happens. It passes (like gas) and the kids move on to something else unless the adults make it into a monumental issue.
I know, it's just kids playing around, being silly, having a little fun. Right?
Not really.
Pictures like this have gotten kids suspended from school and kicked off of teams. Some have even had criminal charges brought against them (posession of child porn). Others have attempted or committed suicide when humiliating photos have been passed around by their so-called "friends".
Even when kids do "get over it" and "move on", pictures like this have the nasty potential of coming back to bite them years later, when they least expect it.
I know, it's just kids playing around, being silly, having a little fun. Right?
Not really.
Pictures like this have gotten kids suspended from school and kicked off of teams. Some have even had criminal charges brought against them (posession of child porn). Others have attempted or committed suicide when humiliating photos have been passed around by their so-called "friends".
Even when kids do "get over it" and "move on", pictures like this have the nasty potential of coming back to bite them years later, when they least expect it.
That's not what the original conversation was about. The conversation was about the harm that could come to the 8 year old who sees the pictures. What is REALLY going to happen to that child? It's not what I would want for an 8 year old, but there will probably be no longer term harm from it than there was from kids seeing softcore porn years ago.
The legal implications of such pictures are another issue that I won't debate here. They do exist, but that is not what we were discussing.
Seeing photos on someone's phone may not hurt the 8 year old seeing them, but they are of other neighborhood girls; kids they all play with. Any 14 year old who is taking pictures of neighborhood girls and showing them around to those girl's playmates, should NOT be playing with those neighborhood kids. They should be spending their time with kids their own age.
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