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I agree 14 is too young. It's better not to encourage "dating". Who is paying for this dinner anyhow? Until they can pay for their own dates, to me they're too young even if they're 30.
I don't see why a 1 on 1 date with two 14 year olds is considered too young. His parents are driving, they will eat and talk. How is this different from two 14 year olds sitting together at the school cafeteria eating, talking, and holding hands?
Why do you want the boy to ask for YOUR permission? If you daughter has already asked you, and you ok'd it, then it seems to me he already has your permission.
I'd invite the boy AND at least whichever parent is planning on driving, to our home at least a week beforehand, and asking all of those questions in person, making sure everyone was perfectly clear about the expectations. Doing it over the phone seems a bit impersonal, and frankly, I'd want to meet the boy and his parents (at this age).
It seems this forums MOST strict parent thinks 14 is just fine...
With all the strictness Aidxen oozes and he/she is letting their 14 year old go on a 1-on-1 date....you all must be in shock...
A date, how cute!! I think you're doing it just right, asking the right questions and expecting the right information. She'll remember it for a long time to come.
woo hoo. My 14yo daughter has been invited out to dinner by her boyfriend of 2 weeks.
Here is what we are doing but I mentioned this at work and got a variety of responses from one person saying no way would they allow their 14yo daughter to have a 1 on 1 date with a boy under any circumstances to the other extreme where a person said that they didn't care. What would you do.
This is what we are doing. I have told my daughter that she must get the boy to call and ask my permission and that when he calls that he must explain the plan. Like who is driving, where is the diner, who is paying, how are they getting home. Then after he has spoken with me then I wish to speak to one of his parents. (I actually know that the plan is for his parents to drive but I want to meet them first to find out what they are like)
What would you do?
(Oh btw, unless there is a real show stopper, then she will be allowed to go)
YEARS ago when I was 14 and finishing my freshman year of high school like your daughter likely is, I got just such an invitation
My dad handled it EXACTLY the way you described above - made the boy call and be able to have a conversation with him about all the details too, lol. That kid must have been a nervous wreck afterwards knowing my dad! In any case, it was a very memorable "first date" and I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Sounds like you are handling the situation just fine
I think 14 is fine since a parent will be doing the driving. Not like they're going to go parking afterward.
Gives both of them a chance to practice some of the finer social skills.
I went on my firs dinner date at that age, right after my first school dance. Somehow I managed to retain my innocence for several more years after that.
Sounds like you have a good plan and everything should turn out OK,but personally i'd think dating at 14 might be a couple of years premature..
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins4lynn
IMO, 14 is too young for one-on-one dates. I'm ok with group dates at that age, with several boys and girls going out together and each paying their own way.
I too think 14 is a bit young. What they're doing now at 14 will be boring at 16. I'd stick w/ the group dates at this age. JMO
I personally wouldn't allow it ....yet...may I suggest this-
I think it would be nice if you invited the young man to come hang out some first with your daughter at home, while you are there. It could give them a chance to be around each other outside of school and their friends, They could visit in the den or backyard, where you can keep an eye out but not hover in their faces Y'all could also play some games together, chit chat, watch a movie, or have a snack or even dinner, as a group. Get to know him, And it would give you an opportunity to meet his parent(s) too. If he really likes you daughter, and if she is respectful of you , then it shoudln't be a problem for them to start off doing something like this ....first. My DD had to bring her young men around us first, before any one on one type of date. And there were some who never went farther
good luck!
I agree 14 is too young. It's better not to encourage "dating". Who is paying for this dinner anyhow? Until they can pay for their own dates, to me they're too young even if they're 30.
I don't think dating is something that needs to be avoided. It is a natural part of a teen's social life. I don't think parents need to make their kids grow up to fast, but I also don't think they should actively discourage them from growing up either. When the opportunity to date arises I don't think there is one set age for dating. 14 seems just as good as 15 or 16.
In the OP's situation the parents are both involved, the kids are planning an age appropriate activity. I don't thinking paying is the criteria I would use to determine if my child could date. BTW-I have 2 teen sons. One had dates at 14. The other is almost 14 now and although he is interested in girls he finds them "annoying".
All kids are different and an effective parent does not draw an arbitrary line in the sand and say that "When you turn X you are old enough for dating." It is not effective to treat all kids the same. Nor is it effective to say no to kids just so you can say no. There are enough reasons to legitimately say no to kids that parents don't need to manufacture their own.
IMO saying a 14 year old is "to young" for a date is like saying a 10 year old is "to young" for a scary movie. Some are, some aren't. It's your job as a parent to actually evaluate your own child and decide where yours falls.
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