The Power of Place; where you live does matter (Phoenix: new house, school)

[MotleyCrew]

I hope you find your spot too, Twiggy! My husband and I were stuck in a place we were very unhappy in for over 15 years. I would not wish that on anyone. You find that you put down roots after a time and it is hard to pull them out and move on, but we are so glad we did find the courage to come to AZ.

[TurcoLoco]

Originally Posted by ArizonaBear

Hence my leaving the Wash DC area back in 1978, never to return.

Women who thought they were too good unless a man had $$$

So, Mr. Bear, where exactly have you met your woman?

[wan2Batraveler10]

Thank you so much. I'll be heading to the library to get this book. Perhaps it can help me. I knew where you live had an effect upon you, It's refreshing to know somebody else feels the same

Mary

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

A new book is out entitled, "Who's Your City" and it expresses a whole different way of looking at the place (city) you live in.

According to the author Richard Florida, cities have different personalities with many different positive and negative aspects. He says like people tend to "cluster" and if you are unhappy where you live now, you probably are not in the right cluster where you belong. Where you choose to live will affect everything in your life from your job choices, your mate choices, the people you associate with and your future children.

I have read the book and find it fascinating. I always believed a person could be happy anywhere and the place would not basically change them at all.

I now think I was wrong. Truly we should stop telling posters who are unhappy here that they are dumb. Maybe they really are smarter than us cause they know Phoenix is not what they need in a place. And they are choosing to move somewhere else........

[Elmonellie]

I absoultely think that a "place" can affect a persons level of happiness or satisfaction.

I also wouldn't call someone dumb for not being happy in Phx. I do however find it curious that some people stridently say how much they HATE Phx but can't find the wherewithall to move to a better fit. I understand finances, but money in the end can be replaced. Staying in a place you bitterly complain about for 10 years is to me very odd behavior...and I wonder if these kind of people don't find themselves "unhappy or unsatisfied" in other locations, or other areas of life.

Complain away. It's a public msg board. But if you've lived in Phx for more than a few years and have "reasons" to be trapped here...they are reasons of your choosing.

[Valley Native]

There's also another aspect to consider: natives and long term residents who have lived here all or much of their lives tend to have some gripes about the massive changes that have taken place over the years. However, the difference between their complaints and many of the transplants is that long termers and natives usually offer some solutions ... while many newcomers just like to bellyache, and offer nothing except negative opinions.

Take the traffic issues for example. The threads & posts which label Phoenix drivers as stupid, reckless speed demons are often started by the newcomers. My question is: why do so many transplants move here and stay here if they're so unhappy with the place? Didn't they do research and spend some long visits here before they relocated??? They seem to thrive on misery and making everybody around them miserable. It wouldn't be so bad if they would offer some positive solutions or alternatives to their gripes.

[StuckPA]

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

A new book is out entitled, "Who's Your City" and it expresses a whole different way of looking at the place (city) you live in.

According to the author Richard Florida, cities have different personalities with many different positive and negative aspects. He says like people tend to "cluster" and if you are unhappy where you live now, you probably are not in the right cluster where you belong. Where you choose to live will affect everything in your life from your job choices, your mate choices, the people you associate with and your future children.

I have read the book and find it fascinating. I always believed a person could be happy anywhere and the place would not basically change them at all.

I now think I was wrong. Truly we should stop telling posters who are unhappy here that they are dumb.

I've known this all along and I think the people that criticize me for it are the dumb unenlightened ones...the ones who say 'it's just you' and 'you're just miserable and won't be happy anywhere'. Wrong. I have been more content in other places.

[azkylady2]

Originally Posted by ArizonaBear

Hence my leaving the Wash DC area back in 1978, never to return.

Bad weather
Women who thought they were too good unless a man had $$$
Rusty nasty cars that were only 4 years old

Thinking back on it: I left DC for additional reasons but was not consciously aware of them at the time.

OTOH: California of 30 years (despite is serious problems back then) was 1,000% better than the DC area.

And; for me at least, I have done pretty well here in Arizona.........most of my problems here I brought upon myself hindsight being 20/20.

I was just wondering if you had a daughter would you advise her to be with a successful man or a man with no education or money? If she had a great career would you want her to support a man making much less or find an equal? This is nothing new in any state, in the past it men were judged much more on what they could offer when they ask a ladies hand in marriage, I think we have come along way from where we use to be. Not far enough for some men I guess.

[Ponderosa]

I'm not buying into the theory in total. It seems unassailable that groups of people have traits that make them more suited for certain areas. On the other hand, I've been around the block a time or two and I see plenty of people who have personality flaws which make them suitable for nowhere. They can't adapt, can't change, can't accept, can't compromise and can't understand that their unhappiness has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with personal foibles. While we have some "fish out of water", I think we also have a few of the other type on the forum.

I also theorize that people who fit the above complain and bemoan their circumstances, while doing nothing to change them, as a way of avoiding a harsh self-assessment.

[borborygmi]

Originally Posted by azkylady2

I was just wondering if you had a daughter would you advise her to be with a successful man or a man with no education or money? If she had a great career would you want her to support a man making much less or find an equal? This is nothing new in any state, in the past it men were judged much more on what they could offer when they ask a ladies hand in marriage, I think we have come along way from where we use to be. Not far enough for some men I guess.

I'd advise her to marry someone because she loved him. But hey, that's just me; maybe I'm old-fashioned. I believe that if you get married, it should be for the right reason- and there's really only one. The financial security of a person ought not to factor into the equation. That's no measure of an individual's quality, if you're any sort of decent human being. The idea of a woman deliberately "looking" for someone well-heeled to take care of her has always struck me as a faux-pathetic excuse for marriage, and frankly I have zero respect for a woman who knowingly does that.

This is coming from someone who graduated from medical school, has done quite well financially, and has deliberately gone out of my way to avoid such gold-digging "types" who disgrace their gender. I seriously hope you wouldn't fall into that category. Judging from this post, though, you'd likely just reinforce my already hardened opinions.

[TurcoLoco]

Originally Posted by azkylady2

I was just wondering if you had a daughter would you advise her to be with a successful man or a man with no education or money? If she had a great career would you want her to support a man making much less or find an equal? This is nothing new in any state, in the past it men were judged much more on what they could offer when they ask a ladies hand in marriage, I think we have come along way from where we use to be. Not far enough for some men I guess.

I know you were asking AZBear but I am bored and wanted to comment on this Q as well:
I wouldn't want or ask her to do anything. It is her life, her choice, that is the bottomline. What would weigh in on her choice would be part her personality(mind & heart), part her education (family and life in general) and part 3rd party influence (family, friends, pimp, etc.).
Of course, depending on her age, her choice might differ but one thing I would not want to do is to influence anyone in anyway when making such a critical decision.
God forbid the guy turned out to be a jerk, guess who she is going to hate?
If she made a bad choice (we are all human after all), that would also mean I failed as a parent.