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WOW!!!!!!
It really makes you wonder when you have a moderator that writes a false accusation like this. You wonder about their motivation, their (lack of) integrity, and their judgment. You wonder how they are allowed to continue to make decisions for the forum. And you wonder if they should be allowed to continue to make decisions in the same capacity moving forward. Maybe city-data needs to think about making some changes.
To put the final nail in the coffin proving just how far out of line you really are, let's see you defend your false claim:
For the men of this forum that are actually in this situation (and I'm sure there are dozens of them), what do we do if our ex wives won't financially support our children? What recourse do we have? Surely you have the answer to this question after writing such an outrageous post.
On the off chance that you aren't just discussing this topic as a hypothetical/political debate of sorts and you are actually in this kind of situation, my suggestion is to get a good lawyer. I am not in your state, but you mentioned is was Massachusetts. If you do a Google search for Massachusetts divorce lawyers for men quite a few pop up. I really don't know how good they are, but you are best off with a lawyer who specializes in men's rights. I recommend you get references from the ones you pick.
Also, if your ex isn't providing food, shelter, health insurance, clothes, etc, then call CSP. Perhaps talk to a teacher at their school about it as they know the procedures for doing so. If they are being sent to school in ratty old clothes with no lunches, get documentation on that too.
On the off chance that you aren't just discussing this topic as a hypothetical/political debate of sorts and you are actually in this kind of situation, my suggestion is to get a good lawyer. I am not in your state, but you mentioned is was Massachusetts. If you do a Google search for Massachusetts divorce lawyers for men quite a few pop up. I really don't know how good they are, but you are best off with a lawyer who specializes in men's rights. I recommend you get references from the ones you pick.
According to every lawyer that I've ever spoken to (many, over a dozen), there is nothing that will be done to Mom that won't financially support her kids. Also according to every Judge. The 'remedy', which is really no remedy at all, is to impute Mom's income. However, imputing Mom's income does not require Mom to financially support her kids, all it does is lower Dad's child support obligation. Which in itself seems extremely hypocritical and backwards. If the system really cares about financially supporting children, why would Mom's shirking of her financial responsibility cause the system to give less money to the children?
Quote:
Also, if your ex isn't providing food, shelter, health insurance, clothes, etc, then call CSP. Perhaps talk to a teacher at their school about it as they know the procedures for doing so. If they are being sent to school in ratty old clothes with no lunches, get documentation on that too.
In other words, 'let them eat cake.'
Or in this case, 'let them call CPS'. No solution at all. What happens if the ex is providing food, shelter, health insurance, clothes, etc.....just with Dad's money and not her own? Furthermore, CPS isn't going to force Mom to financially support her kids, either.
According to every lawyer that I've ever spoken to (many, over a dozen), there is nothing that will be done to Mom that won't financially support her kids. Also according to every Judge. The 'remedy', which is really no remedy at all, is to impute Mom's income. However, imputing Mom's income does not require Mom to financially support her kids, all it does is lower Dad's child support obligation. Which in itself seems extremely hypocritical and backwards. If the system really cares about financially supporting children, why would Mom's shirking of her financial responsibility cause the system to give less money to the children?
In other words, 'let them eat cake.'
Or in this case, 'let them call CPS'. No solution at all. What happens if the ex is providing food, shelter, health insurance, clothes, etc.....just with Dad's money and not her own? Furthermore, CPS isn't going to force Mom to financially support her kids, either.
You keep saying "let them eat cake" but what do you propose? What advise would you give? I am just telling you what I've seen work.
I am going with this is personal for you as you seem to be a bit emotional about this (which is understandable if this is personal/your family). I am not sure why it's not working for you in your situation with your ex (maybe it is your state laws) and I am sorry for your frustration. I am also sorry if I sounded cold initially (I just thought this was a friendly debate).
Like I said, the men in my divorce support group that did challenge things when they were unjust got results. But it was though legal channels. It might be something unique to your case? Have any of the lawyers told you why you can't get more custody or reduce support if you are paying too much? I looked up the MA state law on this and it says (unless you are unwed) then dad has equal rights with mom in child custody. Massachusetts also seems to use a form to calculate support so things are split along uniform lines between the parents, so it should just be a matter of refiling it if there is a change.
CPS can't make anyone pay, you are right, but they will make a record of things if your ex wife isn't doing her job. I am telling you, you can't pay for food, clothing and shelter on child support alone (not unless the mother never worked when married/was a SAHM and the dad is paying 100% support). The state grossly underestimates things (or budgets for a shoe string). And your state's child support form is based on the assumption that both parents are contributing to this bare bones budget amount. So if mom is contributing nothing, there will be signs and neglect because dad's half isn't going to be enough.
That, in turn, you can use in court. I've seen it done. You need to make a paper trail. You will also want to start making detailed records of everything you do for the kids. Prove you are more of a primary care giver if you are/that you are paying for everything for the care of your kids.
I did more Google searching. If you are on Facebook, there is a Massachusetts Father's Rights Group there. I would suggest looking into them since they will be best able to give you support and advice for your state's laws.
Last edited by WalkingLiberty1919D; 08-11-2019 at 04:32 PM..
You keep saying "let them eat cake" but what do you propose? What advise would you give? I am just telling you what I've seen work.
I am going with this is personal for you as you seem to be a bit emotional about this (which is understandable if this is personal/your family). I am not sure why it's not working for you in your situation with your ex (maybe it is your state laws) and I am sorry for your frustration. I am also sorry if I sounded cold initially (I just thought this was a friendly debate).
Like I said, the men in my divorce support group that did challenge things when they were unjust got results. But it was though legal channels. It might be something unique to your case? Have any of the lawyers told you why you can't get more custody or reduce support if you are paying too much? I looked up the MA state law on this and it says (unless you are unwed) then dad has equal rights with mom in child custody. Massachusetts also seems to use a form to calculate support so things are split along uniform lines between the parents, so it should just be a matter of refiling it if there is a change.
CPS can't make anyone pay, you are right, but they will make a record of things if your ex wife isn't doing her job. I am telling you, you can't pay for food, clothing and shelter on child support alone (not unless the mother never worked when married/was a SAHM and the dad is paying 100% support). The state grossly underestimates things (or budgets for a shoe string). And your state's child support form is based on the assumption that both parents are contributing to this bare bones budget amount. So if mom is contributing nothing, there will be signs and neglect because dad's half isn't going to be enough.
That, in turn, you can use in court. I've seen it done. You need to make a paper trail. You will also want to start making detailed records of everything you do for the kids. Prove you are more of a primary care giver if you are/that you are paying for everything for the care of your kids.
I did more Google searching. If you are on Facebook, there is a Massachusetts Father's Rights Group there. I would suggest looking into them since they will be best able to give you support and advice for your state's laws.
I don't think you are doing it on purpose, but it doesn't really seem like you are listening. The point is that women are not required to financially support their children, men are. As an absolute statement, perhaps you can point to outliers and make an argument that some women that are not custodial parents face some consequences for not paying some of the time. But when Mom has residential custody and receives child support, it's true in 100% of the cases. There is nothing that I can do about it. There is nothing that you can do about it.
And yet, men are forced to financially support their children, women are not.
The question, is why?
That's not true and even though you keep repeating it, it's still not true. Nor is your claim that the presumptive custodial parent is the mother. My son is living proof of that he has had full custody of his son for over 3 years.
WOW!!!!!!
It really makes you wonder when you have a moderator that writes a false accusation like this. You wonder about their motivation, their (lack of) integrity, and their judgment. You wonder how they are allowed to continue to make decisions for the forum. And you wonder if they should be allowed to continue to make decisions in the same capacity moving forward. Maybe city-data needs to think about making some changes.
Well, good news. You can stop wondering! I didn't post as a moderator, because if I did, we'd be in one of my assigned forums, not this one, and my post would be in red. I am posting as a member of City-Data, just like you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic
To put the final nail in the coffin proving just how far out of line you really are, let's see you defend your false claim:
For the men of this forum that are actually in this situation (and I'm sure there are dozens of them), what do we do if our ex wives won't financially support our children? What recourse do we have? Surely you have the answer to this question after writing such an outrageous post.
I don't know. I've never been in that situation. My brother was, and he just paid his child support. His ex-wife was a junkie, and so he allowed his ex-MIL to have custody and he paid her directly. There was no point in wasting time trying to get a junkie to pay for something other than drugs.
But that's not what I responded to with what you claim is a false accusation. You said:
Quote:
Nevertheless, the fact remains that Mom is not required to financially support her children. She may do so voluntarily because it's the right thing to do, but that's not the same thing as being required to.
That is simply not true. I was required to support my child. Her father was required to support her, too. He didn't, but I knew from the beginning that he wouldn't and that my required percentage of 65% or whatever it was would be more like 95%. I did what I had to do because being a parent was more important to me than maintaining an angry, toxic relationship with her other parent.
I can tell you a strange one. My little brother, a jerk, married a woman who had a 5 year old girl. They divorced when she was 10. The divorce court made him pay support until the girl turned 18, because the girl considered him her father. I had never heard of that before, But he gets no sympathy from me. He has been married 4 times. All the divorces were his fault.
Location: Free State of Florida, Support our police
5,861 posts, read 3,300,267 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Floorist
I can tell you a strange one. My little brother, a jerk, married a woman who had a 5 year old girl. They divorced when she was 10. The divorce court made him pay support until the girl turned 18, because the girl considered him her father. I had never heard of that before, But he gets no sympathy from me. He has been married 4 times. All the divorces were his fault.
I had an ex gf who had a young daughter. The father was no longer in the picture.She said if we got married she wanted me to adopt her daughter. That scared me away. As much as I cared for her I was not her father and I didn't want that responsibility. Nor did I want to be financially responsible for a child that was not mine.
I had an ex gf who had a young daughter. The father was no longer in the picture.She said if we got married she wanted me to adopt her daughter. That scared me away. As much as I cared for her I was not her father and I didn't want that responsibility. Nor did I want to be financially responsible for a child that was not mine.
My brother never adopted this girl. I could understand if he had.
Location: Free State of Florida, Support our police
5,861 posts, read 3,300,267 times
Reputation: 9146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Floorist
My brother never adopted this girl. I could understand if he had.
I hear you. I have seen those cases where it was found out later on that the husband was not the father but they still made him pay anyway. After my first go around I vowed never again to be put in a bad position.
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