Why is it so hard to make good friends in Portland? (Eugene: college, live in)

[Beer_and_Sticks]

Originally Posted by ccjarider

And what pray tell is "fair housing and economic opportunity"? Who defines these things? Who pays for these things? Who defines success when measuring these things?


These things have NOTHING to do with someones's ability to make friends.

Agreed. Dude is mad that he isn't showered with attention and praise, to which I reply "Good luck where ever you're going, BYE"

[Leisesturm]

Originally Posted by ccjarider

And what pray tell is "fair housing and economic opportunity"? Who defines these things? Who pays for these things? Who defines success when measuring these things?


These things have NOTHING to do with someones's ability to make friends.

Sigh. Always thinking about your wallet. Why not actually read a persons post before jumping to conclusions. Relax CC, no one is coming for your money. And where, pray tell, did I say anything economic had to do with making friends? What I said was that a mature, emotionally healthy adult does not worry about making friends first in a new city, they worry about finding a job and finding a place to live! The friends will come, or they won't, but you won't be homeless if you take care of the basics. Capiche? Or is that too obscure?



Awesome human beings (like yours truly) make friends anywhere. There are no "unfriendly" cities. There are no "friendly cities". It's going to be hard 'making friends' past ones k-12 years or much past High School or College. Those are the friends you carry for life. The next cache of friends will come from your employment. Church or some kind of hobby circle are obvious. The posters who characterize cities as 'unfriendly' do not ever mention being churched, employed or in academia. Why would they think random strangers would want to befriend them?

[Leisesturm]

Originally Posted by Beer_and_Sticks

Agreed. Dude is mad that he isn't showered with attention and praise, to which I reply "Good luck where ever you're going, BYE"

You got the wrong guy, see. I ain't goin' anywhere, see.

[Beer_and_Sticks]

Originally Posted by Leisesturm

You got the wrong guy, see. I ain't goin' anywhere, see.

Wasn't referring to you, friend I was referring to the person in this thread complaining that PDX is awful because the food sucks, can't make any friends, and expects to be complimented and appreciated regularly in order to establish or maintain friendships.

You can stay.

[Adamson865]

Originally Posted by LongLeggedOne

U got that right, Im trying to leave this place asap. Its no overexaggeration. I also like when people take an interest in what I'm doing. I like to be complimented. I dont get that here.

Reminds me of a quote from the movie "Wall Street": You win a few; you lose a few; but you keep on fighting. And if you need a friend, get a dog.

[fusion345]

The reason it is so difficult to make friends in Portland is that it is very 'tribal.' I've lived here since high school, left for the East Coast to pursue a career and the back as a young adult. It really depends on where you live. Some established neighborhoods are full of people who feel they 'don't need any new friends.' I lived in one established neighborhood for 16 years and made only one friend. I was actually told by two people that, although I am a nice person, they just don't have room for any new friends in their life." I ended up throwing in the towel in that neighborhood and moved across to the West side where I have lived for another 16 years, have many friends, priceless neighbors and a full life. Again, it depends on the neighborhood. They all do seem to have their very own distinct personality.

[ben young]

If he ,she ,it joins ANTIFA will have many friends.All dress the same { black ,masks,backpack } ,a club, bottle full of urine is optional.
All meet at the Elk statue on Friday night for a peaceful protest...Good times for all.

[DrMacroEcon]

I believe there are several reasons for this. First of all, Portland hipsters who moved here seven years before you did think that they own the city and, because there have been changes happening because of migration, they blame it on newcomers as a whole and then take it out on individual people.

The second reason is that Portland has more of a communal culture, whereas places in the Northeast have more of an individualistic culture. Thus, it only takes one or two people in a group of friends to veto a certain person and see to it that they don't come back. It takes a paradoxical bravado and tact to be able to enter successfully, and it can always fail for one reason or another. Because you are always changing something within a group dynamic by entering, you are probably stepping on at least one person's toes, if not more. All in all, many groups will just "play it safe" and not invite too many people to join.

Thirdly, within hipster culture, social status is the "currency." They don't care who works the longest hours, who has the best jobs, or who has the most money. The coolest people are in the bands that play at popular house parties, followed by the hosts of said house parties, followed by the people who hang out with the band, followed by the people who know where the coolest things are going on, etcetera, etcetera. People are constantly looking to "play up" rather than make new friends on their level or "below." Friends are good for all of the normal reasons, of course, but they connote status to a greater degree than other cities, I think.

Fourthly, Portland is a polite city, contrasted with Boston, which is more direct, bordering on outright rude. In Portland, you may go to a party, talk with someone who secretly doesn't like you for twenty minutes, have them give you a vague notion that they might want to hang out, and then tell you they're busy four times in a row. It seems like people reject more in Portland, but in Boston they would leave you at the party to go talk to a friend after five minutes and never converse with you again.

Finally, because of the collectivist type culture in Portland, people are constantly wondering what other people think of them because, they, themselves, could be subject to a veto. So, kind of like in middle school, people don't want to be seen with the "wrong" kind of person, just like they might be very nervous about doing the wrong thing in any other sort of way. Relatedly, because social currency is so important, and because rejections happen all the time, people are hypervigilant, taking the "shoot first" mentality, rejecting another person if there is any possibility of something going wrong. This is also true in dating, which can be highly annoying. Well, these are my observations at least.

[texasdiver]

Basically since I graduated from college and grad school decades ago the only new friends my wife and I have made have either been through our jobs, our kids (parents of their friends, coaching youth soccer, etc.), or clubs (sailing and scuba diving).

That has been the same living here in the Portland metro as it was in Texas or Alaska.

[blazenjames]

Most Native Oregonians have the same friends since high school, have never lived anywhere else, think Oregon is the best place in the world and blame their problems on Californians or others who have moved to the State. Don't live in Oregon if these are the kinds of people who annoy you. There are many other places where it's better.