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You will never really "accept" the fact that you can't have children. BUT, it will be easier for you if you accept the fact that it might not be a good idea.
I think that there are a lot of women that have reached their menopause years and still want children. They don't really "accept" it or like it. They just build their lives around the fact that there won't be any children. This is what you need to do. Get on with your life. Build your interest around other things.
Exactly.
Volunteer at a place for needy children. Maybe be a foster parent. Surround yourself with children and maybe it will help. There are plenty of children already born who could use some love and guidance...help give it to them.
Actually, you couldn't be more wrong. My health prevents me from getting pregnant, so even if I was married I would still need treatments.
No. I'm right because your not being married is the reason you can't even have treatments. See your post below:
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
Has anyone ever NOT been able to conceive and not able to do IUI or IVF? How have you been able to move forward from this? I have had some health issues and now cannot conceive on my own. There is very little chance that IUI would work for me and I would have to go the route of IVF.
However, my insurance will not cover anything. I am single, so of course have not been trying, and because of that nothing is covered (I think that's b.s. since it's not my choice to be single).
Instead of arguing everything little thing, try accepting the deck is significantly stacked against you. Arging each point isn't the road to acceptance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
As far as not having the money, um there IS a difference. Having to come up with tens of thousands of dollars BEFORE having a kid is much more different than not needing the money to have one.
How many people have $40,000+ laying around when they start a family?
Not many, I don't think.
Do you have ANY IDEA what it costs for prenatal care and delivery? Up to approximately 20k. It's not uncommon for Americans to have unplanned children without health insurance. Unplanned. Since you are planning, you could have a head start. Instead, you're trying to find the cheapest way and giving up because you don't qualify.
Furthermore, I know quite a few people who have adopted through the foster care system and it didn't cost them a penny. Plus, the babies qualified for special services---health care, education, etc---because they were former foster children. And the adoptive parents still received monthly cash support to help raise their adopted child. Every state is different but there is affordable adoption out there for people who truly can't afford to adopt.
I think most parents underestimate what it costs to raise a child. I know I did. You're alone so underestimating could be to the detriment of your child. You won't be able to breastfeed and your child could be allergic to formula. My son's formula cost $700 a month because he couldn't have milk based or soy based formulas. Being a single parent makes it all the more difficult. What if your baby has serious health problems? How do you care for the baby if you need to work because you're single? With two parents, it's possible to adjust for serious life changes so one parent can stay home with the child if necessary.
And guess what? The government even requires two parents. Single mothers can't receive government assistance unless they can produce a father for the government to go after for child support. Since it seems you are looking everywhere for someone else to pay for your treatments or the cheapest way to have a baby, I think it's important for you to realize that other services won't available to you as a single mother who absolutely has no biological father because medicine helped you conceive.
I didn't start this thread to be told I am irresponsible for wanting to be a single parent.
As Padgett said, accepting it's not a good idea could help make it easier to move on with your life--what you're hoping to do or you wouldn't have started this thread.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTGirlNoMore
Perhaps anyone who thinks that and winds up a single parent should then give their child(ren) up for adoption?
Funny. Ever hear of speaking from experience? Leavingmass raised two children as a single parent. I was a single parent too prior to getting married. It's not like we PLANNED it! And we're telling you that it's hard. It's not something someone should seek out on purpose.
Bad things happen to many families. But people who end up single parents via death of a spouse or divorce aren't TRULY doing it on their own. If a spouse dies, there's life insurance and social security. If there's no life insurance, there's still social security. If parents divorce, there's child support. If a parent doesn't pay child support, there are social services. Someone who purposely becomes a single parent via technology doesn't have those safety nets.
As Padgett said, accepting it's not a good idea could help make it easier to move on with your life--what you're hoping to do or you wouldn't have started this thread.
Funny. Ever hear of speaking from experience? Leavingmass raised two children as a single parent. I was a single parent too prior to getting married. It's not like we PLANNED it! And we're telling you that it's hard. It's not something someone should seek out on purpose.
Bad things happen to many families. But people who end up single parents via death of a spouse or divorce aren't TRULY doing it on their own. If a spouse dies, there's life insurance and social security. If there's no life insurance, there's still social security. If parents divorce, there's child support. If a parent doesn't pay child support, there are social services. Someone who purposely becomes a single parent via technology doesn't have those safety nets.
Nobody ever takes into account how hard it is to raise kids alone. I think they see so many people doing it that it can't be that hard. It is. Excruciatingly.
There are no days off. There are no hours off. I watch home movies of the boys and I am exhausted and wondering how the hell I did it. I got lucky that it all worked out okay, but that is certainly not a guarantee.
I don't think things would have worked out for me and my children if I hadn't married. I'm just being honest. I have no illusions I could have done it on my own.
It was so much easier when they were little. As any parent who raised children to adulthood knows, it gets harder and harder as the years go by.
With everything we've been through raising our children, I look back and imagine doing it myself and I just can't see if I would have had the strength.
It was hard enough with hubby. My hat's off to you Leavingmass. Since did the single parent gig, I know your success is a major accomplishment.
I don't think things would have worked out for me and my children if I hadn't married. I'm just being honest. I have no illusions I could have done it on my own.
It was so much easier when they were little. As any parent who raised children to adulthood knows, it gets harder and harder as the years go by.
With everything we've been through raising our children, I look back and imagine doing it myself and I just can't see if I would have had the strength.
It was hard enough with hubby. My hat's off to you Leavingmass. Since did the single parent gig, I know your success is a major accomplishment.
You'd be surprised what you can do when you have no other choice
Honestly, I was blessed with good kids. They both have old souls and were always wise beyond their years. I used to worry that they grew up too quick, but it really is just who they are.
Sure we had our challenges, but all in all, I had it pretty easy and they didn't give me a ton of trouble at all. They were an absolute pleasure to raise. I was super strict because I didn't have any other choice, but our one rule was every day we had to laugh. Boy did they ever make me laugh
BE A FOSTER PARENT!!!!! It doesnt cost (i dont think) and if I'm not mistaken THEY PAY YOU! But the main reason I say this is I was a foster child and my brother went from group home to group home because of a shortage of foster parents. It's really a way to give back and 5 times out of 10 in the end you have the chance to adopt that child.
And I 100% do not think that you should have a partner to have a baby. I'm pregnant and my bf and I are together and all but if for whatever reason that would ever change I KNOW I would be a kick ass single parent. My mom did it and I sure turned out fine so hey dont knock it.
I think everyone has their own experiances and opinions but if the OP wants to be a single mother who are you guys to tell her she is irresposible??
And I 100% do not think that you should have a partner to have a baby. I'm pregnant and my bf and I are together and all but if for whatever reason that would ever change I KNOW I would be a kick ass single parent. My mom did it and I sure turned out fine so hey dont knock it.
I think everyone has their own experiances and opinions but if the OP wants to be a single mother who are you guys to tell her she is irresposible??
Your Mom did it but yet went from group home to group home? That is not doing it.
Your Mom did it but yet went from group home to group home? That is not doing it.
I meant my foster/adoptive mom
but thanks for the comment
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