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Therapy is for chicks. They wanna talk about it when something is bumming them out. Never mind that. All therapy can do is convince you to fix you. You're a man - convince yourself.
You're 18. Your head is halfway up your a$$ already even if you're a "normal" 18 year old. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you it's normal to hate women, but I'm not gonna tell you it's unusual either. At some point you'll be comfortable enough with yourself to where you can reconcile the malice and distrust and accept them for what they are: flawed human beings just like men are.
I don't hate women first of all. Nor i think i humans are perfect
Thank you for your wisdom
But don't you think you're being a bit unfair to tar all women with the same brush? Sure lots of marriages end in divorce but lots don't. It seems like you are just afraid to make an emotional investment in a girl you like so you want to kill your attraction rather than try to become "emotionally stronger" as you out it. You are afraid of being used up and spat out and I totally get that, but you're not the only one with such fears. On the other hand if you truly want to be alone forever then more power to you. Life is about taking chances and risks (unfortunately) because of the chance they may pay off. Why not focus on being the kind of man women will want to be with and will want to commit to? You seem like a very intelligent, polite and articulate guy and that's a huge plus.
When you mix these feelings with OCD brain then you would get the perfect recipe for disaster. Because these fears repeat themselves whenever i think about love or women. Imagine how frustating that would be ?
On one hand you want to believe there are amazing women out there but somehow your brain find itself uncomfortable to believe it and give you compulsions to repeat the negative thoughts about women and stay away from the. Its very complicated and depressing and that is why i wanted to just get rid of these desires.
Plus. I always have constant fear of losing my parents and my OCD works as a fuel to further that fire. My brain never stops obesessing about things. I can handle anything but the death of my parents. And that is why i avoid having emotional bond with anyone. When my uncle died i decided to avoid everything which i am emotionlly attached to or could possibly become like a woman or a child. I cannot handle losing someone i love. Death of my uncle tored me apart when i was 15.
Being single at any age can be challenging in a world that seems to place so much importance on finding the love of your life and becoming a couple. The whole world seems to be geared up to support you in this quest. There is very little support given to those who are consciously choosing to be spend time alone, learning to enjoy their own company and the creativity it sparks. There is almost a sense of failure or that there is something wrong with un partnered people. I experience it many times when my own friends accuse me of bring gay or loser....
a really bad divorce or death of a partner can do it. but the human heart is tough it can do a come back. i just saw film las vegas all about this subject.
And you think i would consider this idea ?
Are you kidding me ?
But atleast the thought of being an engineer make me happy while the thought of being in relationship with a woman make me scared.
Reality Check: Psychologists who study happiness generally find that people are really bad at predicting what will make them happy. I suspect that's doubly true for younger folks. We're wired for biological survival, not happiness. Happiness takes a certain amount of mental training.
Without harming something which defines your gender obviously. My parents would hate if I took such drastic step and so do my freinds. What would they think about me.... And I have to pretend to be happy for my parents as long as I am alive. Their smile worth everything in the end for me.
So no. I don't think I could do that to myself... Anyway. Thanks for your input and merry Christmas
Why would you tell them? Look, the answer is there but you don't want it because you're playing games.
Why would you tell them? Look, the answer is there but you don't want it because you're playing games.
I am not playing games. I knew about this long time ago. But i want to be happy for the rest of my life and there is no way i could be if i take such drastic actions. You know it, i know it, so there is no point of doing it.
Look. I have no plan to bother you guys anymore. I am just caught up in my brain and have no idea what i am doing and what i would like to do.
Reality Check: Psychologists who study happiness generally find that people are really bad at predicting what will make them happy. I suspect that's doubly true for younger folks. We're wired for biological survival, not happiness. Happiness takes a certain amount of mental training.
Really ?
Yes, i have no idea what future holds for me. But predicting something is not bad i guess.
Happiness takes a certain amount of mental training.
Happiness is just a model we make in our mind. It is just an illusion. Animals don't look happy. DO they ?
So why us humans believe in such thing ?
You do have a point though.
The answer, my friend, is to become the kind of person a woman would want to spend the rest of her life with. Then you don't have to worry about whether or not she needs you because she'll want you.
Not really. People change. People don't know themselves in the first place half the time. People's attention shifts from the thing they initially want to some other random thing they want. Trying to please and conform to others is a fool's errand.
Your assertion is correct in a general sense -- if you are positive, confident, self-possessed, centered, responsible, etc., then you will tend to attract people who want those things rather than people with codependency issues. But it's no guarantee, because weak people can be attracted to strong people too, and because it still doesn't cover people's baggage and subconscious desires and the fact that other people change and evolve (or devolve!), too. Or have hidden problems that you don't immediately recognize.
I am tired to death of the version of The Speech that I have heard my whole life from women. It follows the general form, "You're a wonderful human being, and a sweet guy, BUT ... [fill in the blank with some aspect of myself that renders me intolerable / betrayable / leavable nevertheless]" (variant 47B of the "it's not you, it's me" speech). It always involves some fundamental itch in the other person that I can't (and shouldn't try to) scratch. In one case, it was "BUT you don't respect me" -- but she felt that way about her mother, extended family, coworkers, and friends, too. So I get ditched emotionally because she can't or won't see herself as the common denominator in all that. Truth was I respected her immensely and gave her a lot of free passes out of a desire to see her best self. In another case it was "BUT you're not my idea of virile manliness" -- this despite a long string of abusive relationships with Bad Boys she is viscerally attracted to, and how has THAT worked for her?? But she's already imprinted relationally and sexually on lug-heads.
Neither of these women even knew what to DO with kindness, gentleness, respect, caring -- and they self-sabatoge any relationship that provides it for them. Clearly I need to try to find less damaged people or consider why I might be attracting them but frankly I have come to think it has very little to do with anything in me that I have any control over. What else WOULD such women be attracted to -- strongly attracted to initially and then ultimately, not a sustainable attraction? If I had really understood this thirty plus years ago and selected for women by first vetting their childhoods for relative stability and health and positivity, my life would have had, maybe, a different story arc. But what 20 year old kid really understands such things? Life is absurd that way. It is not a kind world for people who just want simple, stable, reliable relationships that arise organically and where the positives in the other person can be taken at face value without a bunch of psychoanalysis. Feh!
So ... definitely, become the change you want to see in the world, but don't expect the world to necessarily value it once you become it, either. In fact, don't have any expectations at all, if you value your sanity.
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