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OK, I have a question for you. Why do gay people tend to have heterosexual relationships before they have their first homosexual relationship? If people are in fact born gay, then they should know right from the start that they are not interested in the opposite sex.
Before you say it's not true. About 10 years ago I worked at one place for about two years, where most of my female coworkers were lesbians. Nine of them to be exact. Half homosexual, half were bisexual. It was a very slow work environment. So I had a lot of time to talk to them and get to know them very well. Every single one of them had had at least one heterosexual relationship in their past. Thats 100%, not a small number, and pretty typical of other gay people I have known.
So the question is, why does it seem that most people go from being heterosexual to being gay? Any answer for that?
If you read my original rebuttal you would have had your answer:
From my personal experience (and I find many other gay guys have similar experience) we have heterosexual relationships initially not because we are straight, it's because we are trying to deny our true feelings and push them aside for many reasons; including the fear of dealing with people like you judging us and being cruel. When I was a kid I was trying hard to be straight because I was afraid, but it does not work that way.
If you read my original rebuttal you would have had your answer:
From my personal experience (and I find many other gay guys have similar experience) we have heterosexual relationships initially not because we are straight, it's because we are trying to deny our true feelings and push them aside for many reasons; including the fear of dealing with people like you judging us and being cruel. When I was a kid I was trying hard to be straight because I was afraid, but it does not work that way.
This is exactly what I posted a little upstream in the thread.
But a bisexual man, one of those "middle grounders" could - and some have.
I agree with you...but I still think the incentive for bi men is to go with women and mess around with men on the side. Most bi guys want the social status that straight men have and don't want to give that up...so they just mess around with other guys on the down low.
Wouldn't you think that while someone has certain feelings growing up, they are bombed with anti gay feelings so they try to cover or ignore their nature feelings to "fit in"
Does this really really have to be explained.
Yes, I think it does. That may be a valid explanation as to why someone would not come out and openly admit to being gay. But I don't think it explains why they would actually get involved in a romantic relationship with someone they have no interest in or attraction to, unless they are at least exploring. It's not like society dictates that every person must be involved in a relationship, or they are considered to be gay. Even many heterosexuals go well into their late teens before having their first romantic relationship. It's not like a gay teenager couldn't wait until they are ready to come out, to have a relationship.
Anyway, these days most high schools (except maybe in the south, or some rural areas) will have a few openly gay students. It's not like there is going to be enough stigma attached to being gay, to force some kid to have a heterosexual relationship that he is not interested in. Even if he are not ready to come out.
When did gay people get a lifestyle? I always thought they had a life, just like non-gay people.
IMO "lifestyle" is used by those to make it seem like a choice, when in reality it is not. I know lots of gays and lesbians and cannot name one who says it is a choice.
Thank you
I HATE that term "lifestyle" when referring to gay folks. After all no one ever says "the hetersoexual lifestyle" because it's widely understood that not all straight people live the same lifestyle. The same is true for gays, although this fact has not danwed on some folks yet.
So I've always been curious about this issue and wanted to get some feedback from others. I have an old friend (30years) who is gay and he once told me that he believes that homosexuality is lifestyle choice for many in the GLBT community. I'm sure, of course, that genetics/DNA may predispose some/to homosexuality, but assuming it is a lifestyle choice for others, to what extent do you believe it could be a result of their failed efforts or inability to connect with women romantically or intimately, or at least partly due to it. Like my friend, he said that he was exposed to porn at adult video stores (arcades) at a very young age and that exposure turned him off to being attracted woman ever since. So, it is possible that many men's lack of obtaining girlfriends, getting laid, or have no/limited romantic and intimate experience encourages them to accept homosexuality as a socially acceptable alternative lifestyle to satisfy their basic human need for intimacy???
This is a serious question, particularly with the recent social acceptance of a GBLT community, is it acceptable for guys to consider the gay/bi lifestyle if they can't or don't want to deal with the issues of rejection, approach anxiety, forever friendzoned, etc. that comes with modern dating hazards??? Like many here on this forum seeking answers to they lonely hearts?
And, FYI, I had a couple of homosexual experiences in my early 20s but it was just experimental and that experience helped confirm my hetero sexual preference and have never had any interest in gay encounters since. Just in case you thought I was trolling...
Thoughts??
Well there is no way to tell for sure. One of the common beliefs is that homosexuals are born that way. I wouldn't know because I'm not homosexual. I think every individual is born different. I do believe that people have very minimal if any control over what turns them on.
Now, you do choose what you do about your feelings, that part is always a choice. I personally think that sexuality shouldn't be boxed the way it is right now.
Seeing how there are all kinds of people, there may be some people who are as you described, "gay by circumstance", or gay because of *insert reason* However, it must be understood that you will face rejection no matter what group you seek out. Rejection is just going to happen. Male seeking male does not reduce chances of rejection, if anything it is going to increase the odds of rejection in this current society.
I am wondering how you ended up having your experiences. I personally already figured that I was heterosexual and would never allow any homosexual experiences. I'd have to be raped. Then things would get really ugly.
The nearer to the middle someone falls in the spectrum, the more open they are to relationships with either sex.
Therefore, I do personally believe that some folks living a homosexual lifestyle are choosing to go that direction as opposed to going more toward the heterosexual side.
These middle grounders could in fact choose homosexuality as a way to avoid the opposite sex, especially if there have been traumas of some kind involving the opposite sex. Not that it happens a majority of the time, but it happens.
Or possibly he was gay trying to be straight. His failed relationships are a big clue.
He might be bi, or he might be gay. It doesn't matter much, does it? But the failed relationships are a big clue.
Relationships fail for a variety of reasons...
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