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I'm young, a recent college grad and I moved away from home, partly to be closer to my boyfriend, partly to attend a 3 year graduate-school program. I'm almost done with my first year of the program. I have a pretty good paying job here, which I like and I like my grad program.
Despite this, day-to-day, I'm really pretty freaking miserable. I feel trapped. Almost suffocated living here.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it. I know there's a lot of Cali haters... lol, but I miss it so much... While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
I know my situation could be a lot worse, I do, but I'm still feeling so sad. The thing is, whenever I think of moving back, I know it's not the "right" choice, just because my heart tell me it is. If I knew it was the right thing, I would have my car packed and be on my way back to San Francisco right now... but, I have a good job here, I'm getting a masters degree and if I stick through the next two years and THEN move, I know the "rest" of my life would go a lot smoother. If I move back now, quitting my job after a few months and move in with my parents, then what? What if I can't find a job? I don't want to leave where I am now to go 3 steps back in my career and I KNOW I won't be able to afford the cost of living in the Bay Area on my own.
I know the smart thing to do is to finish this program, but the thought of two more years here seems miserable. I don't like the suburb I'm in. There is hardly any nature in this state. It's boiling hot for most of the summer. There's no ocean. I hate the neighboring city (it's pretty freaking boring). I know I sound like negative Nancy and it's probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but I'm just feeling extremely homesick.
How does one cope with living in a city that they HATE...well, STRONGLY dislike? How can I make it through the next two years without going bonkers?
I did this. I too am from California. As a young adult, I also moved to a desert town I hated (still within CA, however) to be closer to my mom (she moved there for cheap housing).
I didn't miss where I was from in CA, however, I just didn't want to live in that desert town my whole life. I knew there was more to the country than that, and didn't want to live the rest of my life *knowing* there was more out there. I busted my butt to save money to get out of there. And just when I had enough money to leave....
I met my wife. She was a native of said desert town. I stayed another two years. Told her I'm out, or we both are. I told her I couldn't live there my whole life, though she would have been content with doing so at the time.
She relented, and now we reside on the Great Plains within sight of the Rocky Mountains, and we've been here nine years.
It's mostly better. I'm not quite rotting away. We've both found careers, money, home ownership, kids, a few friends (but not a terrible amount of them). Some of the wife's family has moved here too.
You just have to accept and know that you won't be there forever. Have one foot out the door, if only in your mind. Your heart is telling you the truth, whether you accept it or not.
-moving to a different suburb
-making some new friends
-reminding yourself that two more years isn't so very long, and many people follow a good job (or a spouse) to a town they don't like
And unless you're a child who was adopted when your parents were in their 60s, I wouldn't worry about it being their "last stretch."
If you're living in AZ (from the description you provided, I'd guess phoenix metro area) then I feel your pain as I hate that place as well. It's an overcrowded hell hole. However if I am right and you do live in AZ then there is amazing amount of outdoor opportunities within 3 hours. All the way from amazing canyons, to high desert, to ponderosa pined forest, to alpine tundra is at your doorstep to explore. Lots of public lands, national forests and recreational opportunities abound. You just got to get out of the valley more. Try heading up Prescott, Flagstaff, Sedona, etc more often. Even if I'm wrong about Arizona, the same applies to all desert states including New Mexico, Utah, Nevada with the possible exception of west texas (then I'd just move ).
2 years isn't that long of a time if you're working on something specific and have a goal. In the meantime, you could pick up a hobby such as mountain biking, hiking, backpacking, downhill skiing, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, kayaking, etc all within a 2-3 hour drive of almost anywhere in the desert. Weekend trips to a beach aren't impossible from most desert locations either. They also have pretty sweet lakes and reservoirs with "beaches" at all elevations and while not the ocean are very beautiful in their own right.
If you're that depressed about a place you maybe spending too much time indoors trying to avoid the heat which can cause depression in itself. If you HAVE to stay there to finish your program you need to get out and embrace the desert for all it has to offer and explore. There are many day trips to cool places (think abandoned mines, national forests, ghost towns) in the desert that it would be impossible to explore them in a lifetime, let alone two years. If you can't find nature in the desert, you're not looking very hard for it.
It would be better to move to wherever you want to after you have more $ saved up and your new degree as you'll be able to afford a better lifestyle there then. Gotta keep your eye on the prize and try to make the best of it.
Of course, I never listen to my own advice and whenever I'm miserable somewhere I just up and move. But then you're starting back at the bottom. Maybe you could look for jobs and a different school to transfer too in the state of your choice in the mean time.
I'm young, a recent college grad and I moved away from home, partly to be closer to my boyfriend, partly to attend a 3 year graduate-school program. I'm almost done with my first year of the program. I have a pretty good paying job here, which I like and I like my grad program.
Despite this, day-to-day, I'm really pretty freaking miserable. I feel trapped. Almost suffocated living here.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it. I know there's a lot of Cali haters... lol, but I miss it so much... While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
I know my situation could be a lot worse, I do, but I'm still feeling so sad. The thing is, whenever I think of moving back, I know it's not the "right" choice, just because my heart tell me it is. If I knew it was the right thing, I would have my car packed and be on my way back to San Francisco right now... but, I have a good job here, I'm getting a masters degree and if I stick through the next two years and THEN move, I know the "rest" of my life would go a lot smoother. If I move back now, quitting my job after a few months and move in with my parents, then what? What if I can't find a job? I don't want to leave where I am now to go 3 steps back in my career and I KNOW I won't be able to afford the cost of living in the Bay Area on my own.
I know the smart thing to do is to finish this program, but the thought of two more years here seems miserable. I don't like the suburb I'm in. There is hardly any nature in this state. It's boiling hot for most of the summer. There's no ocean. I hate the neighboring city (it's pretty freaking boring). I know I sound like negative Nancy and it's probably not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but I'm just feeling extremely homesick.
How does one cope with living in a city that they HATE...well, STRONGLY dislike? How can I make it through the next two years without going bonkers?
You can do one of two things. - Suck it up so that you can finish your masters degree and be near your boyfriend.
OR
Transfer to a graduate program that is closer to the state that you love and closer to your parents.
Things to think about - your boyfriend went to the university that was best for him, without consulting you. Not that he should have, but why would you follow him to an area that you do not particularly like? If it is because you are insecure about your relationship? Are you afraid that he will meet someone else?
If the two of you are "meant to be", it will happen. If not? It won't. Following him will not help.
Another thing to think about - graduate credits do not transfer the way that undergraduate credits do.You may be able to transfer three or six credits. Rarely more than two classes. So, if you are really unhappy, transfer now, and not later.
The third thing to consider is that when you are married -to this man - or to another - marriage often involves leaving our families of origin. People, men and women, have spouses who are in the military, have jobs that take them to un-glamorous places - but they go, because they are married.
You aren't married yet. So, if you hate where you live that much? Cut your losses and head back to California. But please know that for the rest of your life, unless you marry a man in your home town who feels the same way you do about that area - if marriage is something you want, you may not always be able to live near your family of origin.
From what you have said, I would transfer to another grad program. You don't seem ready to be away from your parents and home region, and you are not treating this move as a temporary adventure.
I hate the state I live in, I hate the desert (I live in the desert). I hate being away from my parents... I know this sounds lame, because I'm an adult, but I'm really close to them and they're old and it hurts to think that I'm spending the last stretch of their life living in a different state.
I moved away from California and I do really regret it. I know there's a lot of Cali haters... lol, but I miss it so much... While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
Have you ever heard the expression "Bloom where you're planted"? You're not where you are forever, but maybe you need to make more of an effort to see what's good about where you live. So you can't drive to the ocean--is there nothing cool within driving distance of where you are? In whatever spare time you have, look up restaurants, museums, events, something to look forward to. Make friends within your department and hang out with them. Or you can just suck it up, be miserable, and move when you get the opportunity.
When I was your age, I would have cut and run. But, from my older and somewhat wiser place now, I know how quickly two years goes.
In two years, you will be able to move back to California with a graduate degree and a great job reference where you worked for over 2 years (3?). You'll be in a great position to find a good job.
So, if you can wrap your brain around a 2 year plan and keep visualizing yourself finishing your degree and making sure you have a great job reference, and taking that back to California, it will probably make your time go easier in your desert town.
So, in your free time, check out the jobs in California that you would be qualified for in 2 years. Keep your end goal in mind.
I say this because you don't hate everything about where you are. If you hated the job and the graduate program, it would be a no-brainer. But, you don't hate everything. So, try to focus on the positive, see if you can find something else to do that you enjoy, and keep your end goal in mind.
I know that's easier said than done, but I think you'll be really proud of yourself if you accomplish it and you'll be able to interview for your new job after graduation with lots of enthusiasm and confidence.
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While cost of living here is much better, I long for the ocean, for green... I miss being able to take day-trips to San Francisco, I miss being able to drive to the ocean.
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