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Just curious, but how are things going with your boyfriend? How are things really going in your graduate program? I ask because I can't help wondering if either or both might be coloring your feelings about where you are in life right now and that's translating into "I have to get out of this place!" One thing that suggests this to me is your comments about missing your parents so much; often, people find themselves wanting to go home to a safe place with family to take care of them when other things are unstable in their lives. So, you might give some thought to what is really bothering you. It may not be desert living so much as something else going on in your life that needs attention and fixing.
Best wishes!
That's a good point... things are going Okay... I just miss my friends from college. I've had a very hard time making friends outside of school. A lot of people in my program are quite a bit older than me, not all of them, but quite a few. The thing is, I feel the best when I'm in class interacting with students. I also work with people who are quite a bit older than me and that makes it difficult. I do completely agree with you. I feel silly because I'm a college grad. and I miss my parents so much... I just miss the town I was born in...
I just know the right thing to do is stay, as much as I don't want to...
I guess my dilemma is... should I finish my degree, not quit my job and suck it up, finish what I started, being miserable for two years? or take a big risk and move back to California with no current job prospects, but knowing that is where I want to be?
I know that I am on a good career path, especially for someone my age and if I were to finish these two years I would have a much better shot at a good job in California. BUT two years seems to be so long...
Finish your grad program and go from there. You can stay in touch with your friends and family, and make the best of your time there with your boyfriend and kitties. Focus on what you do have and what you can do, not what's not there. It's a couple of years, not a lifetime.
Thanks for the advice, I DEFINITELY didn't research Arizona enough before moving here. I was young, in love and got into the graduate program at in-state tuition. I got a good job in my field and the rest was history... I think looking at it as a temporary adventure would be best. You are also completely correct about the grad. degree... most of my classes probably wouldn't transfer at all. That's why it might be better to just suck it up and finish the two years, even if I hate where I'm living. I also feel like I'm suffering from the "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" syndrome. I never really appreciated living in California until I left. Now all I do is stare at cacti all day... ugh. I miss the ocean!
"marriage often involves leaving our families of origin. People, men and women, have spouses who are in the military, have jobs that take them to un-glamorous places - but they go, because they are married." -- this is also definitely very true... I just think in my ideal world I would live near my family forever. I'm just very close with them.
You have your solution already. Good luck, you are doing a smart thing for your future!
When your schedule allows, take weekend trips to the more interesting parts of Arizona - the other-worldly desert just outside of Tucson is spectacular, and spring is coming soon. There used to be an old western movie set/town there - Old Tucson - if it's still around, check it out. There's also a desert museum.
You already mentioned liking northern Arizona much better than the Phoenix area, so plan a trip up to the red rock country near Oak Creek Canyon.
Also, try to get hold of old copies of "Arizona Highways" magazine, which featured very colorful photography, and could offer good ideas for exploration of your temporary abode.
I also lived in a place I did not like very much for three years when I was about your age and just out of college. Fortunately, it was near enough to my hometown that I could go home on weekends frequently. It would have been hard to manage without those escapes to a warmer, cleaner, smaller, greener, friendlier, prettier place which included my family and old friends. Fortunately, a job opening in my profession appeared in my hometown after those three years, and I didn't hesitate to go for it (and get it). I have never regretted coming back home.
So start planning a spring break trip home to SF, and another for the summer, if you can swing it. Or, could your parents visit you? It might be fun to show them around and visit some of Arizona's beauty spots.
And yes, you'd be fine going to Meet-Ups by yourself - that's one of the things they are for. Be open to friendships with people of different ages, too - you may find yourself having more in common with those older than you than with your age-peers.
Good luck to you - stick it out if you can do so without being absolutely miserable most of the time. Keep your eyes on the prize...
I've been in AZ about a year and the homesickness has never gotten this bad. I completely agree that it's a great thing to keep being here because I have a lot going for me. I also know that it's NOT smart to move back in with your parents and quit a grad program because you feel "homesick" especially because my parents live in the Bay Area and it's expensive... I just need to find a way to find happiness here.
Does anyone have any good advice on how to meet friends outside of class/ school? An age factor has been a big problem for me. I haven't been really able to connect with people, since I hang out with people who are a lot older than me on a day-to-day basis...
Well, it kind of depends on what you mean by "a lot older." Once you get out of college, you're not going to be constantly surrounded by people of your age and your stage of life the way it was when you were in school. That's just adulthood. I've got friends who are 10 years older or 5 years younger, married, divorced, with kids, etc. If you've got things in common and enjoy their company, age doesn't matter so much.
See if your school offers any sort of socializing opportunities (like student groups or clubs,) or suggest study groups or coffee with your classmates. Someone already suggested meetups, or find something that you're interested in and volunteer or get involved. It's an election year, you could always volunteer for a candidate or a cause to meet people.
When your schedule allows, take weekend trips to the more interesting parts of Arizona - the other-worldly desert just outside of Tucson is spectacular, and spring is coming soon. There used to be an old western movie set/town there - Old Tucson - if it's still around, check it out. There's also a desert museum.
You already mentioned liking northern Arizona much better than the Phoenix area, so plan a trip up to the red rock country near Oak Creek Canyon.
Also, try to get hold of old copies of "Arizona Highways" magazine, which featured very colorful photography, and could offer good ideas for exploration of your temporary abode.
I also lived in a place I did not like very much for three years when I was about your age and just out of college. Fortunately, it was near enough to my hometown that I could go home on weekends frequently. It would have been hard to manage without those escapes to a warmer, cleaner, smaller, greener, friendlier, prettier place which included my family and old friends. Fortunately, a job opening in my profession appeared in my hometown after those three years, and I didn't hesitate to go for it (and get it). I have never regretted coming back home.
So start planning a spring break trip home to SF, and another for the summer, if you can swing it. Or, could your parents visit you? It might be fun to show them around and visit some of Arizona's beauty spots.
And yes, you'd be fine going to Meet-Ups by yourself - that's one of the things they are for. Be open to friendships with people of different ages, too - you may find yourself having more in common with those older than you than with your age-peers.
Good luck to you - stick it out if you can do so without being absolutely miserable most of the time. Keep your eyes on the prize...
Very true... I think planning small trips would be a very good idea for me. I'm planning on going to Flagstaff this weekend. I also want to try and figure out a way to go home more often. It's just difficult because weekends are my time for homework and trips seem "wasted" if I just go back to California to do homework, but I think it's better than nothing. I don't know why, but I've been really nervous about spending the summer months here. It's my second summer in AZ and the heat gets so bad that it becomes almost oppressive. I'm the type of person that HATES going from air conditioned office, to air conditioned car, to air conditioned house. Sure life would be a LOT worse if the air conditioning didn't exist, but I just like spending most of my time outside in fresh air and it's just miserable for me when it's so hot! People warned me about how HOT AZ summers are, but I, of course didn't listen or care... now here I am
I just battle wanting to get in my car and going back home and then figuring it out from there. I just know that's not the "smart" thing to do.
Well, it kind of depends on what you mean by "a lot older." Once you get out of college, you're not going to be constantly surrounded by people of your age and your stage of life the way it was when you were in school. That's just adulthood. I've got friends who are 10 years older or 5 years younger, married, divorced, with kids, etc. If you've got things in common and enjoy their company, age doesn't matter so much.
See if your school offers any sort of socializing opportunities (like student groups or clubs,) or suggest study groups or coffee with your classmates. Someone already suggested meetups, or find something that your interested in and volunteer or get involved. It's an election year, you could always volunteer for a candidate or a cause to meet people.
That's true! Some of the people I've made the best connections with are quite a bit older than me in my classes. I wouldn't say they're a LOT older... but between 10-15 years. I've actually been looking into volunteering for a candidate I really like...
I think I need to sign up for a few meet-ups and a yoga class or something this weekend. Hopefully if I can fill my schedule, things will get better. I think it's worth the money for a yoga-class to at least try and see if things will improve.
Yoga might help with your mental state, too. I have a friend who lives in Tucson, and she jokes that she's had to adopt "farmer's hours" to be able to be outside. She gets up really early and goes for walks or spends time outside before the heat gets going.
It's okay that you don't love where you are, but you can be proud of yourself that you left your comfort zone and you took a chance. That's a big deal and a good thing that you won't look back on and regret.
I would finish the program then move. I actually went through a similar time and had a 6 year plan. That was started when I was 24. I didn't like where I lived and wanted to move to HI. Had to finish grad program though and gain some work experience so I could actually find a job and afford the area I wanted to move to. It all worked out and I moved at 30 with a good job. I think that was way better than just winging it. In fact, I see sooo many people who move to HI without a plan or career and even though they love it, they can't afford to stay and either move back to where they came from, become homeless, or struggle with multiple jobs and can't enjoy themselves anyways.
You are young and have time. We live in Kauai part time and San Diego part time so I know SoCal as well and its not cheap either. Finish your education, get a good job (where you are or in SoCal). The reward of moving somewhere you love after working for it feels a lot better than just winging it.
And you will be able to actually enjoy where you want to live instead of stressing over money all the time.
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