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Revenge always has unintended consequences, as you will soon find out.
I wouldn't say always. Sometimes the score is evened and left that way.
To the OP: what are your options when revenge isn't possible? Do you just live the rest of your life in misery or do you actually make an effort to be happy? I have several enemies in the past whose names/faces I don't even know or can't remember, so there's no way I could do anything to them. The only thing left is to move on with my life.
I tend to believe that there is balance in everything. You may have thought of your bully as having defeated you, but had you ever stopped to think that you may have always been more powerful and stronger than him in other ways? Did you consider that he might actually have lower self esteem than you? He wouldn't try to steal your power if he didn't think you had any worth taking.
Nothing is more satisfying than watching a former bully being forced to eat sh*t with a spoon at his minimum wage job out of fear of being fired should you complain to his boss. It really is amazing how many of these former bully types fall into a depressing life as gas jockeys and other menial McJobs out of a lack of intelligence, education and/or any type of marketable skill.
Uhh, unfortunately, some victims of bullying and abuse also end up with menial jobs. I think it's unenlightened to judge someone based on what they do for a living.
This thread poses an interesting question: if revenge is not closer for the wronged party, can reparations by the wrong doer close the wounds in the wronged parties heart?
Like a bully coming back years later or wtv and apologizing at length + something else ? They say time heals all wounds, but in truth our technology has clearly shown us that not all wounds are merely skin deep. Some end up itched into the very core of our D.N.A. and transpose even to the next generation.
This thread poses an interesting question: if revenge is not closer for the wronged party, can reparations by the wrong doer close the wounds in the wronged parties heart?
Like a bully coming back years later or wtv and apologizing at length + something else ? They say time heals all wounds, but in truth our technology has clearly shown us that not all wounds are merely skin deep. Some end up itched into the very core of our D.N.A. and transpose even to the next generation.
I think a sincere, unsolicited apology can probably go a long way toward helping the wronged person heal.
However, if the bully is literally a criminal, and a repeat one at that (i.e. does not "learn his lesson" but instead simply tries to find new, sneakier ways to commit crimes), that person is less likely to worry about whom s/he has harmed so an apology is probably not forthcoming. Criminals use all sorts of excuses for their actions - the world is tough, they robbed so-and-so's house but so-and-so can afford it...just look at the car he drives, they stole from a company but that company charges outrageous rates and it's about time they "got theirs," or more ominous excuses - she asked to be attacked because of the way she was dressed. And so on. Such a person isn't likely to go back in time and apologize for having bullied someone as a child or teen.
BUT I have actually heard stories of bullies who matured, realized what jerks they'd been and at least shot the person an email or found some other way of non-intrusively approaching the former victim(s) to apologize.
Now...another element here is, the victim accepting the apology even if it DOES come depends upon a lot of things. How severely did the victim suffer from the bullying? Is the victim him/herself mentally unstable? What actually happened and what was blown out of proportion? (Not saying "blame the victim," I'm just saying there's nobody on earth who is 100% impartially accurate about every single memory.) How exactly was the victim hurt - did the victim actually lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, a job, etc. over the bullying? There may be some cases where an apology, even a sincere one, will never fly.
BUT getting "revenge" obviously doesn't work even by the OP's admission...he's not satisfied and has apparently only gotten the taste for bullying back from having sent hookers to this guy's door, and he plans on doing more. Who really knows where that will all stop...with the OP in prison, probably. So it seems to me (I could be wrong) that the OP's personality is such that no apology in the world would have satisfied him.
I felt like a weight had finally been lifted from my shoulders. I was on top at least. Years later, and I was no longer the little victim. David used "0s" and "1s" and a few tricks to slay Goliath.
All the Doctor Phil Woowoo crap the shrinks told me didn't help, but actually doing something did. And best part is...I didn't do anything technically illegal.
My advice to anyone who was ever victimized in such a way that they can't get it out of their system is simple: GET REVENGE. It will heal your wounds and make you a better person. Do what you need to do as long as it doesn't end up biting you in the rear like actually killing someone or physically hurting them. And remember to not forgive, and to not forget. There are over 9,000 ways to make someone pay.
I have a close friend who got into a conflict with his building manager, who was a bit of a bully. That building manager shut down my friend's construction in his apartment, designed to make it habitable for his ill wife. Eventually, he got the building manager fired from his own building and the other buidlign he managed. Now that building manager has a lot of time on his hands.
And my friend is a very gentle professional with a 150+ IQ (probably around 180).
With bullies as a child, I have had apologies and hugs at our high school reunions. It was miserable at the time. But they ate hay. With being bullied by a boss at work, retiring early and sticking them with my caseload felt great! That bully boss "retired" a year or so later. I am enjoying my 24 years more than she is her ten. It gets to be a matter of keeping sane and healthy when it happens at an older age.
I was bullied in junior high a lot, mostly taunts, which didn't really hurt me. But this one kid...he was a sadistic piece of filth who abused me for no reason. I would sit their, quiet, and he would come after me and punch me and I would just freeze up. I think it's because he reminded me of my abusive father and I would just shut down and not be able to defend myself. He once beat me, and I tried to fight him off but he was about, not joking, 80 lbs heavier than me and eight inches taller (I've always been short) and put his belt around my neck and choked me. He said he would actually kill me if I didn't kiss his feet in front of EVERYBODY. I did, I was so scared.
Well, he got kicked out of school and went to another one, and I went on with my life. I heard he did a little jail time for something unrelated and that was that...but it still hurt me. I felt so weak, cowardly, and powerless.
Twenty-five years later, and I was still thinking about him, and those years. My shrink said I should move on and remember I am a different person and all that other feel-good doctor Phil crap. It didn't work. I wanted revenge. I wanted to feel powerful and get back that power that was taken from me, but how?
When I was a child, being abused, living in an awful home situation and treated badly by everyone, what did I want more than anything else? Super powers. And I wanted a group of my own super-friends. If I just had an edge, abilities that could help me fight back. But of course, that was just fantasy...that is, of course, until the rise of the place where people like me can find out how to use the power of technology to destroy someone, ANYONE, and take back my dignity. That was, of course, until the rise of almighty 4chan.
Bliss. Pure. Simple. Bliss.
I felt like a weight had finally been lifted from my shoulders. I was on top at least. Years later, and I was no longer the little victim. David used "0s" and "1s" and a few tricks to slay Goliath.
All the Doctor Phil Woowoo crap the shrinks told me didn't help, but actually doing something did. And best part is...I didn't do anything technically illegal.
My advice to anyone who was ever victimized in such a way that they can't get it out of their system is simple: GET REVENGE. It will heal your wounds and make you a better person. Do what you need to do as long as it doesn't end up biting you in the rear like actually killing someone or physically hurting them. And remember to not forgive, and to not forget. There are over 9,000 ways to make someone pay.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold"-Old Klingon proverb.
I will not say exactly what I did but 1) it was not actually illegal, believe it or not and 2) he never knew it was me. But his life has just gotten a hell of a lot harder thanks to the advice of a bunch of troll-masters who let me know how to mess with people in ways I had never even considered.
Oh, the joys of the internet...
(click this vid, I can't embed, but it is worth it to watch)
I think the only way revenge would get you closure is for it to be done as a result of serendipity, not something that clearly has eaten up so much of your energy and emotional health.
There are two people I wouldn't mind having the opportunity to get revenge on, but I assume it will never happen, and really, that's OK. One of them is from so long ago I know the perpetrator would not learn anything from it, assuming he has not already been thrown in prison or died of a drug OD or murdered by a cohort. The other person has woven a net around herself, no need for me to do anything.
I haven't forgiven or forgotten, but there is no reason to forego living normally.
I was bullied just like the OP and let me tell you when people do you wrong you want revenge on them. One of my bullies was actually shot and he died in a gang shooting. I never forgave him because he was that awful to me. I also refused to attend his funeral. I despised him.
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