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Quit whining about your family - you honestly sound younger than you are. It's fine you don't want kids...but you do know that for most people it is HIGHLY typical to have kids...expected. Whenever you do ANYTHING unexpected people will tell you about it...especially when it is an entire life stage that you're skipping.
You can do whatever you want with your life but don't think that keeping a neat house will stop the comments. Your parents especially probably expected grand kids - that is a BIG thing they won't get from you. Never compare your pets to kids - unless talking to your other childless friends - it just won't fly.
You'll just have to put up with it - once you're in your 40's and too old to have kids the talk will slow down so just another 10 years and you're home free - seriously.
Nobody has to defend their lifestyle to anyone. When it no longer matters to you what others think about your pet choices, you'll know you have grown very wise and content. Just smile at those who consider it their business, and then stroll away without giving them explanation. You own them none. If they don't like you for it, who cares. They aren't worth it.
Honestly...not having children is a personal issue. But, that is a lot of pets for such a small home.
Perhaps having so many pets seems like a compensation to some of your relatives.....Sure, it isn't their business....but when has that ever stopped the Mom's and Pop's of the world from expressing their concerns.
Just stop interacting with the folks who are making you feel bad. If they won;t even visit your home, then stop visiting theirs. Stop allowing them to have a say by putting yourselves in their company.
People allow others to make them feel badly....Choose not too.
Last edited by JanND; 05-24-2017 at 07:19 AM..
Reason: edit text
I recall a co-worker saying to me, "I'll admit it, 99% of having kids is hell, but the other 1% is priceless." I replied "Gee, with cats the percentages are just about reversed." I wear my decision to Never, Ever Have Kids, made at the age of 12 (I'm now 67), as a badge of honor. I have never regretted it for one nanosecond, nor did my late wife who had made the same decision at about the same age. It's obviously just my opinion, but in my observation my cats and dogs have given me considerably more pleasure, and considerably less trouble and grief, than most people get from their children. For that matter, I had three Beta fish who gave me more pleasure than most people seem to get from their children. When I see the interaction between most parents and their children, I'm typically thinking "Explain to me again why you decided to ruin your marriage and your life in this manner?" I've never actually had anyone challenge me about my decision to have pets and not children, or the extent to which I dote on my pets (I did have one secretary say "I want to die and be reincarnated as one of your cats"), but anyone who does is going to get an earful.
A very dear friend of my Mother's said the same thing to me a year or two before he died suddenly and unexpectedly..... so now, even after 30 years, I always have a cat named Charlie..... glad it is a more or less unisex name now as my current Charlie is a beautiful 12 year old tortie-tabby girl.......
Quote:
Originally Posted by newtovenice
two medium to large dogs
two cats
+more pets
in 1300 sq feet????? with NO YARD
Sorry, that's too many animals in too small a space. No wonder people are commenting to you about it. I love animals, but I doubt I'd visit, there's no space. Those animals need more space. If you had 4 kids (your example), you'd need a bigger townhouse.
I have
two 70 lb dogs (8 and 12 years old)
three 25-30 lb dogs (1-1/2, 6 and 7 years old)
one 10 lb dog (1-1/2 year old)
two 10 lb cats (3 and 12 years old)
in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1400 SF ranch and we are not overcrowded in the least, although there is also a nice deck and fenced in backyard that all have access to at will..... the cats have their own room away from the dogs and all have their favorite spots to hang out..... Oddly enough, my bed is is a heavy favorite for most of them.....
and since when can children of the same sex not share a bedroom??
Looks like you're over your self imposed limit by at least one plus however more you have in that huge tank. The detail you put into describing your menagerie (in humanlike terms) and its care sounds a bit compulsive as does the combination of critters. Possibly it's these things that keep family and friends away rather than the animals themselves. I see that pet expenses are often discussed; are you also complaining of not having enough money or time to get away?
Have any of these people come to visit in the past and stopped coming as the situation grew? There may well be reasons that you, being there constantly, are not aware of. Things like clutter, noises and odors.
And your title is really misleading - nothing in your tale says anything about anyone shaming or criticizing you for not having children.
OP, I don't understand that either, why would you insist that 6 is your limit when you list 7 pets plus the ones in the tank?
How many pets are you allowed to have in your townhouse? Do you have HOA rules or city laws concerning the number of pets?
I've had many pets as well, but in a single family home with a large yard where they could get fresh air and exercise.
We don't have kids. We are in our mid 30's, both of us have full-time jobs, no college debt other than mortgage,
Good income, frugal in our spending... we just decide not to have kids at this time or ever. My husband and I are animal lovers so needless to say, we welcomed many animals into our home.
We have 6 pets plus a 55 gallon tank with some koi, plecos and 2 oscars. The non-scaly pets are 2 medium to large dogs, 2 cats, a bunny, a blue tongue skink and a golden hamster. Everyone gets fed premium to above quality food, toys, vet care, one on one time, etc. All except the skink and the hamster are rescues who were abandoned at a young age by owners or born as a stray.
Our house is 1300 square feet, 2-story townhouse. My house is vacuumed and mopped weekly. Litterboxes are scooped daily, cages are cleaned weekly, counters and tables are wiped, etc. My dogs are trained and well behaved, gets plenty of walks, listens to recall commands and friendly with visitors who comes by.
And yet, I still get blasted by mean comments from a lot of people, those who never stepped foot into our home. Comments like, "wow, so you don't have a house for people to live in anymore?" Or "you have a zoo in there" or "what is wrong with you?" Even when we only had 1 cat at the time, these were the same comments received by the same people.
Many imply that we are hoarders, which I find to be such a disrespectful insult because we really do put in the time, money and effort to care for our pets. Our home is clean. We have more than enough space and room for the pets and anyone else who wants to stay over for a night. To be compared to people who compulsively collects animals while unable or refuse to provide the basic of care to their animals, I don't even know how to react without wanting to yell at that person.
The most hurtful part of it all, is that most of these mean comments come from most of my family, including my parents, who always taught me as a young child to care for my animals and to be responsible. Now, they are telling me to stop wasting my money on them because they are just that, animals.
I'm sorry for this rant. We had always supported my sisters when they needed help with their kids. We would babysit for them, take them to the park, buy them gifts, go to birthday parties. ... we really do care for our nephews and nieces and they love us dearly as well. Their parents, however, would make those mean comments to us in front of the kids.
When I had to put down my senior cat, the response I received was, "finally!" When I had to do it again with my bearded dragon, the response was, "why did you even take a lizard to the vet?"
Again, these comments come from people who refuse to come to the house. We invited them to see and judge for themselves but they never come by, even though they live less than 10 minutes away. Those who do come visit us, have coffee with us, my friends and neighbors do not say such things. Actually, they would give us compliments or play with our dogs and cats.
If we had 4 kids running around instead of some pets, I guess that would be more acceptable to people like my family. Whereas parents are proud and happy bragging to others about how great their kid is, I feel we could not do that with our furbabies without running the risk of being unfairly criticized. I agree that human children are not the same as the furry kind, but I'm not telling bad parents what to do, why do they feel it's their business to tell me how and what we should have in our home?
Sorry for the rant. I had to let this out. Fyi, 6 is our limit. We are not taking in anymore animals, even after the hamster and my oldest dog (7 years) may pass in the next 3 years.
Is this the whole story? Because I don't see any mention of anybody criticizing you for not having kids.
Quote:
If we had 4 kids running around instead of some pets, I guess that would be more acceptable to people like my family.
Whether or not they have ACTUALLY said this or not, who cares?? You're 30+. Get a grip and stop being consumed by what you imagine people think about you.
When it comes to them being salty about your pets, try looking at it this way - Do you think that you having a lot of pets keeps them up at night? No. 23.5 hours of the day, minus the 10 minutes when they see fit to give you their opinion about your home, most people (especially if they are busy raising children) are too absorbed in their own lives to be honestly super concerned with what you are doing - as long as you're safe and happy and doing no harm to yourself and others.
You are likely correct in your assumption that your family places more value on its children than on your pets. Do you not realize that your own parents probably placed more value on your life than on the family pet's? Stop pretending that they are sick for feeling that way! If you value aspects of your relationship with your family and want to continue, then nut up, grow up, and accept who you are. When they say rude or accidentally cruel things about your pets, you can tell them calmly that it hurts your feelings or you can say simply "You are entitled to your opinion" and drop it. It's a dignified response that should shut them up while you change the topic.
There seem to be a lot of people who think you can either be a pet person or a kid person.
I've not personally known it to be an either/or thing.
Exactly. And lately it seems like people are expected to choose sides like it is some kind of rivalry.
I recently had a co-worker bring in their infant to work to show everyone. When he asked another one of my co-workers if she wanted to hold the baby, she said, "No thanks, I'm an animal person."
WTH is this? Are you betraying your pets if you hold a baby? I think it would have been fine if she just said, "No thanks", but that last bit I found pretty weird.
I recently had a co-worker bring in their infant to work to show everyone. When he asked another one of my co-workers if she wanted to hold the baby, she said, "No thanks, I'm an animal person."
That's weird, but it's also weird to pass around a young baby amongst casual acquaintances like it's a sack of potatoes, so good for her to just say no.
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