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...into your mid-50s and still paying for college and grad school, scrimping and saving to pay for those adolescent drivers on your insurance policy, endless school expenses, clothing expenses, entertainment and dining expenses, haircuts, the list goes on and on...
...while your carefree, unencumbered, childless friends are truly enjoying married life with exciting vacations, private couples time, and plenty of disposable income.
Be very careful what you wish for.
I have to say that the childfree marriages in my life have been among the most enduring. I have two sets of aunts/uncles who never had kids and they were amazingly devoted to each other and happy in their marriages. I only have a couple of married friends who are childfree, but they are similarly devoted to their marriages in ways that I find very heartwarming. Almost make me reconsider being single. LOL
...into your mid-50s and still paying for college and grad school, scrimping and saving to pay for those adolescent drivers on your insurance policy, endless school expenses, clothing expenses, entertainment and dining expenses, haircuts, the list goes on and on...
...while your carefree, unencumbered, childless friends are truly enjoying married life with exciting vacations, private couples time, and plenty of disposable income.
Be very careful what you wish for.
The childfree people who brag (lie?) about this kind of stuff are almost as annoying (insecure?) as parents that would make rude comments to non-parents.
not to get too hung up on the semantics of it, but "childfree" and "not ready to take that step yet" aren't the same thing to me. 32 is not all that old these days, many people aren't even married at that point, and lots of people start their families in their mid and even late 30s. But "childfree" usually means an affirmative choice to not have children, or at least embracing the reality of not having kids if it's not possible for some reason.
I'm not sure you are "childfree" and I think it makes a difference because if you and your wife have affirmatively decided not to have kids, you give a different answer when people ask you about it. (Totally different topic about whether or not it's rude to ask that, but I digress). If you are truly childfree, embrace that fact and be public about it and tell everyone that you've decided to be childfree but look forward to being the "fun aunt and uncle" while enjoying your lives as unencumbered adults. Be enthusiastic about the choice and even if someone doesn't quite understand it personally, they will be able to see your enthusiasm and know that you are happy about the decision.
If you aren't ready *yet* just say so. Being significantly younger than your siblings does mean that your timing is different and there will be a gap. I'm not that much younger than my sister but my son is 7 years younger than her youngest. I have a friend whose older nephew is about 15 years younger than her youngest child. The family has embraced that age gap and everyone enjoys the new batch of little ones, including the older members of that same generation - they are almost like uncles rather than cousins and they love the dynamic.
The childfree people who brag (lie?) about this kind of stuff are almost as annoying (insecure?) as parents that would make rude comments to non-parents.
The childfree couples I personally know are neither bragging nor lying. Why would you say such a thing?
Yes. My husband and I were married 6 years (dated for 5 years before that) before we had kids. I was 32 and he was 35. We were the last of our friends group to have kids and the dynamics changed. We didn't have anyone to call to go out to dinner on Friday anymore...something we had been doing with those friends for years. Our kids are now 8 and 9. When the time is right for you and your wife to have kids you will. Don't have them because everyone else has them. Parenting is stressful enough and you don't want to have them before your ready....though who is ever ready for the wild ride that is parenting.
The childfree couples I personally know are neither bragging nor lying. Why would you say such a thing?
Because I have childfree friends across the spectrum as far as what their relationships and lifestyles are like.
Just pointing out that the stereotype of the "poor childfree couple" and the "urbane jet-setting childfree" can both be just that...a stereotype and not universally true.
In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.
Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.
Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.
We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.
Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
Are you in the Bible Belt? Anyway you need a better circle of friends, who wants to hang out with a bunch of "breeders" with their baby bags and minvans?
You are not only OK to not "go there" "yet" but to not go there at all!
OP, have you considered broadening your circle of friends? Nothing wrong with being friends with the childed, but you might enjoy having some childfree couples and singles in your social circle as well.
Are you in the Bible Belt? Anyway you need a better circle of friends, who wants to hang out with a bunch of "breeders" with their baby bags and minvans?
You are not only OK to not "go there" "yet" but to not go there at all!
Think for yourselves!
Ah yes, the 'breeder' comment.
Fighting tired stereotypes with tired stereotypes rarely, if ever, leads to a helpful place.
Not having kids, now or ever, does not require believe in negative stereotypes about parents.
Nothing about what I said condones boorish shallow comments from friends and relatives.
When I was a young dad I went to many social functions, uusually without the kids and although my wife shared photos of the kids with other moms, the dads never discussed children. We talked about current events or sports or our jobs. Maybe times have changed. There were guy subjects and girl subjects, the wives had their conversation and the guys had theirs. At any rate I wouldn't sweat it. If you go to concerts or a bar or club with your friends their kids won't be there. If you are at a party with music and drinking there probably won't be kids running around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
Things can change a great deal in 10 years.
In September 2007, I was still the "baby" of the family, even though I was three months away from my college graduation.
Fast forward to the present. I'm married to a great woman (both 32). All our siblings and most of our friends have kids now. For reasons I won't mention in this post, my wife feels she isn't ready to take that step just yet, and I respect that.
Unfortunately, every social function we attend these days serves as a clear reminder that we don't have kids: children running around, people grilling us on when we plan to have them, and so on.
We really feel like the odd couple, as we're one of the few -- if not the only-- childfree pairs at these occasions. It makes us feel isolated and different because we can't relate to half the stuff they talk about. And I can't seem to shake off this feeling of having "fallen behind" my peers because I'm not yet a dad.
Do/did you ever feel disconnected because you do/did not have children? How'd you deal with it?
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