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Sounds like he needs a bigger arsenal of excuses... "I need to get home; I have to feed the dog/make dinner tonight/have a Zoom meeting/promised my mom I'd call her at {time not far in the future}/go to a meeting."
(I suppose just running the guy over isn't possible. This guy doesn't sound like a "buddy," though-- he sounds like a leach.)
I agree, I think it’s rude the way he ambushes him. He’s rude in other ways too like bringing his dog over (pit) without a leash despite me asking him not to many times (I don’t trust the dog around our cats). The problem is the neighbor has done favors for him like working on his car, and he feels like he’s obligated to be polite. He’s not good at setting boundaries with others too though. I try to tell him there’s nothing impolite about saying he needs to go, but he finds it easier to use me as an excuse.
I'll always be puzzled by these husbands who are totally controlled by their wives. Yes, I know, the old saying, Never Say No To A Wife, but what's behind it all, really, in your opinion?
Anytime I call my controlled cousin, no matter what it may be, it's automatic: Let me talk to my wife first! ...
LOL. If it's automatic then has it never occurred to you that maybe your "controlled" cousin and his wife both think that most of your ideas and suggestions are whacky and off the wall but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that?
So he gets out of disagreeing or getting into an argument with you or getting himself into trouble because of you by saying he has to consult with the wife first. Thereby he's putting the onus on his practical wife to make the final decisions to accept or veto your suggestions to him about things that actually involve both of them and not just him alone.
A smart man lets his S.O. choose the color of the mailbox; where to have dinner; choice of movies; and dozens of other "who gives Mod cut." decisions.
In exchange, his partner is more likely to be amenable to doing things that he does care about.
Note: It doesn't hurt to feign interest in the color of the mailbox and let her "win" the color choice to score points for later.
Fake interest and “letting her win” is very obvious to a wife, especially since it usually involves a “deal”. The husband who doesn’t know how transparent his ruse is is not that smart.
I'll always be puzzled by these husbands who are totally controlled by their wives. Yes, I know, the old saying, Never Say No To A Wife, but what's behind it all, really, in your opinion?
Anytime I call my controlled cousin, no matter what it may be, it's automatic: Let me talk to my wife first! I've been painting mailboxes in my senior community, I ask one man what color he'd like to have it painted, he chose the colors and then: I better talk to my wife first! She rejected his choice of colors, and so I painted it what she wanted.
I was selling my house one time, the husband went nuts, seeing my garage with a workshop. Perfect! he said. The wife, rolled her eyes! No sale! Realtor told me later, don't you know, that's a wife's decision?
My Dad always dreamt of moving from M
N to CO, as he loved the mountains, wanted to be near them, and my mother: We need to stay close to family! No move to CO! My Dad really never wanted to have children, and? 3 children.
Because the wife is a bully who will make life a living hell if she doesn't get her way all the time. And the husband is a wimp and never stands up to her.
Fake interest and “letting her win” is very obvious to a wife, especially since it usually involves a “deal”. The husband who doesn’t know how transparent his ruse is is not that smart.
It’s not a ruse, it’s picking your battles. He is going along with the color to make her happy. Why will she care if she gets the color she wants?
Because the wife is a bully who will make life a living hell if she doesn't get her way all the time. And the husband is a wimp and never stands up to her.
There's actually quite a bit of that going around, too.
I am always cast in that role! He is not assertive enough and can't say no to people, so for instance we have one neighbor, who when he sees him coming down the street from work, leaps out into the road and stops his van and makes him stand there and talk for an hour (when he is exhausted and just wants to go home...there's no way to our house without passing that guy's house)...so he will say "I better get going or Ocnjgirl is going to be mad at me". When it's him that wants to leave, but he makes me the bad guy because he's not good at setting his own boundaries. So that guy thinks I'm a controlling B. Sometimes he will text him "are you allowed out?" I find it very annoying because I am not the type to keep him from hanging with his buddies.
Try developing the attitude my wife has regarding certain people - she really doesn't care what they think. Works for me regarding certain people. You don't like the guy anyway, so what if he thinks you're a controlling B?
Try developing the attitude my wife has regarding certain people - she really doesn't care what they think. Works for me regarding certain people.
Yes That’s good advice. I really don’t care cause I dislike this neighbor for several reasons, but it’s still unfair to cast me in the role of controlling shrew just to avoid feeling uncomfortable by being self-assertive. I suspect he used me as an excuse with other people too at times. Even with that neighbor and the dog being unleashed, he doesn’t want the dog here without a leash either but he won’t say that, he’ll say it’s me who doesn’t want the dog here unleashed.
Yes That’s good advice. I really don’t care cause I dislike this neighbor for several reasons, but it’s still unfair to cast me in the role of controlling shrew just to avoid feeling uncomfortable by being self-assertive. I suspect he used me as an excuse with other people too at times. Even with that neighbor and the dog being unleashed, he doesn’t want the dog here without a leash either but he won’t say that, he’ll say it’s me who doesn’t want the dog here unleashed.
He needs some new excuses, like someone else mentioned. And to grow a set regarding the neighbor's pit bull.
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A smart man lets his S.O. choose the color of the mailbox; where to have dinner; choice of movies; and dozens of other "who gives Mod cut." decisions. 
