Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Was Midvalley Oregon; Now Eastside Seattle area
13,062 posts, read 7,500,158 times
Reputation: 9788
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by leastprime
Never, ever, refuse gratis food. {gratis = offer without expectations in return.}
Not "polite" to refuse offered food.
If I witness a person refuse food, my opinion drops a couple of notches of that person.
Exactly. People are trying to be nice and offer food. Even the "are you sure" question is meant to be nice because they know a lot, perhaps most people, will play the overly polite game (we learned as kids not to appear greedy) and say no the first time.
Because sure as shooting, there's another thread on the internet somewhere about someone complaining because someone brought in cookies or whatever, and they didn't get offered one.
Exactly; it's a common social interaction. "Cookie?" "No, thank you." "Are you sure?" "Well, maybe just one!" It's convention; not a human rights violation. Some people just look for reasons to be offended and play the victim; seems to be a popular pastime these days!
Culture. To offer someone food in many cultures is expected, to not eat it is a direct insult to the host. As a few other posters have said, you being hungry or not isn't the point, you are supposed to be gracious, take the food, eat a few bites at least, express how great it is, then move on. Nobody expects you to eat it all. In fact, eating it all will mean more food is piled on your plate because the first serving obviously wasn't enough.
Yes, this is h#ll for those of us (like myself) that can't just eat on command, especially because of allergies or sensitivities, or times when we choose to eat differently (like abstaining from meat on Friday.) Many hosts do not understand, and as mentioned, will take it personally. In those cultures, food is life, and often you are not many generations removed from lean times where this type of hospitality kept communities going when things got really hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner
Very true. When I visited my ex-husband's country, we visited a family with a beautiful place by the water, it was so delightful... then came the meal. I have no idea what it was, but it was a kind of congealed mess. I kept whispering to my MIL that I just could not eat it and she kindly said "please, you must." I was pregnant too! I've blocked it out, but I think I did take a few bites. I still feel so bad about it! These were lovely people, and their country is known for its excellent etiquette, especially around food and guests. It's good to research the special foods served to foreign guests and be prepared. I was there before the age of the internet and many books on the subject, so I was unfortunately unprepared.
Bingo! In cultures where there have historically been food scarcity, making sure everyone has plenty to eat and leaves full becomes part of the culture of being a good host. I have experienced this eating among Persians and Filipinos. They will keep feeding you until you say you are full and even then, they will try to encourage you to eat more.
Bingo! In cultures where there have historically been food scarcity, making sure everyone has plenty to eat and leaves full becomes part of the culture of being a good host. I have experienced this eating among Persians and Filipinos. They will keep feeding you until you say you are full and even then, they will try to encourage you to eat more.
In Italian culture, too; "Mangia, mangia!" Also in the southern United States.
Exactly; it's a common social interaction. "Cookie?" "No, thank you." "Are you sure?" "Well, maybe just one!" It's convention; not a human rights violation. Some people just look for reasons to be offended and play the victim; seems to be a popular pastime these days!
Some people are just plain tired of being bullied. When you have to say no 4 or 5 times, that's bullying. I experience this frequently at my job. Since all the Christmas junk is started to arrive in the office, it's an ongoing daily fight. It's exhausting.
No is no. "Are you sure" is not required, it's just someone forcing their will onto someone else. Someone doesn't want to be told no, so they push.
I have experienced it even more with alcohol. Yes, I'm sure I don't want a drink, thank you.
That's is really obnoxious. People can't drink for religious or health reasons, including addictions. Everyone knows that by now. There is no excuse for trying to push alcohol on people.
A few people who I know will make food for someone, without being asked, and try to force the person to eat it. Even if the person never asked for it, never stated that s/he likes it and may not even be hungry. Then the food-forced gets angry.
If you do this to people, why do you? Why make food for someone without knowing if the person likes it, and then getting angry at the person if the person doesn’t eat it?
I don't know anyone who makes and forces food on other people unless there's a reason. Perhaps the person who receives the food is ill, or they had a death in the family or perhaps its Christmas or thanksgiving or something and people just give food to their neighbors.
Preparing food takes time and costs money. if someone makes that food for someone else, they should make sure they know the culinary preferences or allergies of that person.
I personally wont eat stuff from people whose cooking i don't like. If I am gifted something I don't like I take it and either bring it to work or throw it in the trash.
I don't understand the part with "forcing" the person to eat it. Beats me.
If all the crap from the holiday (none of which did I partake) weren't enough. Food bully came in the other day with a pastry they said they got "just for me". They wanted to split it with me. I politely declined. I had to decline three more times before they stopped asking me to take half the pastry. Then they ate it all and blamed me because it gave them an upset stomach! But wait, I'm not done.
The next day they came in with a little white bag, with two more of the pastries I had refused the day before and again tried to give one to me. Again I said no thank you. Four times, I said no before they took them out of my face.
Those of you who think this is "nice" behavior haven't got a clue. It's not "nice", it's harassment. And it's exhausting having to keep up this boundary all the time.
If all the crap from the holiday (none of which did I partake) weren't enough. Food bully came in the other day with a pastry they said they got "just for me". They wanted to split it with me. I politely declined. I had to decline three more times before they stopped asking me to take half the pastry. Then they ate it all and blamed me because it gave them an upset stomach! But wait, I'm not done.
The next day they came in with a little white bag, with two more of the pastries I had refused the day before and again tried to give one to me. Again I said no thank you. Four times, I said no before they took them out of my face.
Those of you who think this is "nice" behavior haven't got a clue. It's not "nice", it's harassment. And it's exhausting having to keep up this boundary all the time.
I agree! Maybe you should just take it and say "Thanks! My mom/son/whoever really loves these!" Then stick it in your bag and turn back to your work. With any luck you'll shock them speechless. Oh, they'll call you ungrateful but maybe they'll get the message.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
