People who force food on others: why? (mom, issues, weight)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Culture. To offer someone food in many cultures is expected, to not eat it is a direct insult to the host. As a few other posters have said, you being hungry or not isn't the point, you are supposed to be gracious, take the food, eat a few bites at least, express how great it is, then move on. Nobody expects you to eat it all. In fact, eating it all will mean more food is piled on your plate because the first serving obviously wasn't enough.
Yes, this is h#ll for those of us (like myself) that can't just eat on command, especially because of allergies or sensitivities, or times when we choose to eat differently (like abstaining from meat on Friday.) Many hosts do not understand, and as mentioned, will take it personally. In those cultures, food is life, and often you are not many generations removed from lean times where this type of hospitality kept communities going when things got really hard.
I remember once, babysitting for a family, where the father was Arab. He made it a point to tell me there was chocolate cake, if I got hungry. Well, I wasn't hungry, and I didn't eat any chocolate cake. Not because I didn't like it, or anything like that...I just simply didn't eat any chocolate cake.
When they came home, and he saw that I had not eaten any chocolate cake, he was ANGRY and frustrated with me. It was at that point, I realized they had made the cake specifically for me, and that he was likely insulted that I had not touched it. OK. Lesson learned. lol
Culture. To offer someone food in many cultures is expected, to not eat it is a direct insult to the host. As a few other posters have said, you being hungry or not isn't the point, you are supposed to be gracious, take the food, eat a few bites at least, express how great it is, then move on. Nobody expects you to eat it all. In fact, eating it all will mean more food is piled on your plate because the first serving obviously wasn't enough.
Yes, this is h#ll for those of us (like myself) that can't just eat on command, especially because of allergies or sensitivities, or times when we choose to eat differently (like abstaining from meat on Friday.) Many hosts do not understand, and as mentioned, will take it personally. In those cultures, food is life, and often you are not many generations removed from lean times where this type of hospitality kept communities going when things got really hard.
Bull. For one thing, this thread has nothing to do with cultural food issues. Furthermore, you wouldn't insist that somebody politely eat a strawberry shortcake when they're highly allergic to strawberries... or would you?
More problematic, at least in my view, are those who think they know best WHAT others should eat in terms of diet, health, and longevity and shame or bully them to change their eating habits to conform to their own. But that's another thread for another day...
More problematic, at least in my view, are those who think they know best WHAT others should eat in terms of diet, health, and longevity and shame or bully them to change their eating habits to conform to their own. But that's another thread for another day...
I used to be one of those people. I thought it was my JOB to do that as a wife. I even was paid $75 from Woman's Day once when they asked for ideas on "tricking" your family into eating more healthfully. I wanted my then-husband, who had high cholesterol and whose father had died of a heart attack at 49 to drink 2% milk instead of whole.
After the old carton was empty, I bought 2% and poured it into the whole-milk carton to see if he would notice. He didn't. I sent in that tip and they published it along with the usual grind-vegetables-into-the-family-meatloaf tip.
Of course, this was all part of a much larger problem. I thought it was my job to fix him in other ways. Get him to stop drinking and gambling. Get him to be able to keep a job. Turn him into a better human being. Eventually I got to the point where I was willfully putting extra fat into his food because I WANTED him to drop dead when I realized he wasn't willing to be fixed to my standards, but that's a whole other story.
I'm all better now. When I met my current partner, who had already had a heart attack years before we met, had high blood pressure, and yet ate high-sodium, high-fat crap every day and very few vegetables, I made sure I didn't revive that old sense of grandiosity that I could fix him or that it was my job to do so. I ate what I wanted to eat, and he ate what he wanted to eat. Some of those things were the same, and some were not. Now he is dying of something that has nothing to do with his diet anyway.
As for the ex, he had a quadruple by-pass last year, and then he turned around and gained another 50 pounds afterward. He's diabetic from his diet and his drinking. He's only 66 and already had a hip replacement after he fell down drunk one Christmas Eve and broke the hip. We've been divorced for more than 20 years, and I'm SO glad I learned it wasn't my job to fix his diet or other bad habits or I'd still be banging my head against that wall.
Meanwhile, ex's younger brother who was a vegetarian for decades keeled over and died of a heart attack at 60. It just doesn't matter. Let people eat whatever they want. If you feel the urge to change someone else's diet, become aware that the problem is not them. It's you.
Meanwhile, ex's younger brother who was a vegetarian for decades keeled over and died of a heart attack at 60. It just doesn't matter. Let people eat whatever they want. If you feel the urge to change someone else's diet, become aware that the problem is not them. It's you.
We're all going to die at some point. I know a few health nuts - the kind who jog in the snow - who had heart attacks in their 30's and 40's. Had a 49 year old neighbor drop dead of a heart attack in his garage. He had just gotten married and built that house. There are no guarantees in life except none of us are going to live forever.
The danger is...people who believe you can prolong your life by eating a certain diet or doing x, y, or z come to believe they have control over life and death. I'm sure it's a rude awakening to learn that they don't and it's largely up to chance.
I was having dinner. One person who helps a relative of mine came by with a big plate of high-fat food that I didn’t like anyway. She put it in front of me, told me that she made it for me and that I had to eat it, right then and there. I took a bit and told her that I wanted to save some for other family members and she got mad.
Oh, this explains more in Post 7. I didn't read down. Sorry.
- diabetic (no deserts)
- Muslim (no pork)
- Jewish or Old Testament Christian (no shellfish)
- sensitive to dairy (no or very limited amount of cheese and/or milk) (this is my own limitation)
- vegan or vegetarian (not always by choice, friend who had a baby was forced to go this route for intolerance to meat)
- insert your food allergy here
Otherwise, you would be well aware that it is perfectly legit to decline offered food for reasons that don’t have a thing to do with the chef.
^^This! I have an IBD and after first being DX, I was GF, DF, fiber free, soy free, spicy free. People would still insist that I just eat what they made. Even my family was skeptical about my change in diet and didn't believe it had anything to do with how I felt. It's been 5 years, they don't question me anymore. My 2 friends know about my disease and will tell me, I'm not sure if you can eat this or not. Early on I had a friend say, "Just eat a little," "It can't be the food"..blah blah blah.
^^This! I have an IBD and after first being DX, I was GF, DF, fiber free, soy free, spicy free. People would still insist that I just eat what they made. Even my family was skeptical about my change in diet and didn't believe it had anything to do with how I felt. It's been 5 years, they don't question me anymore. My 2 friends know about my disease and will tell me, I'm not sure if you can eat this or not. Early on I had a friend say, "Just eat a little," "It can't be the food"..blah blah blah.
Wow that is a lot of things to try to avoid. It must be difficult for you to eat anything that you haven't prepared yourself. Just general grocery shopping must be a pain and time consuming because you have to read every label. I imagine you make most of your food from scratch even things like marinades and sauces. I'm thinking about all the things in my fridge and pantry with soy and spices. Yikes! Seems like everything today has a soy warning on it.
Wow that is a lot of things to try to avoid. It must be difficult for you to eat anything that you haven't prepared yourself. Just general grocery shopping must be a pain and time consuming because you have to read every label. I imagine you make most of your food from scratch even things like marinades and sauces. I'm thinking about all the things in my fridge and pantry with soy and spices. Yikes! Seems like everything today has a soy warning on it.
True! I'm not celiac just gluten sensitive. I just started using sauces on my chicken. Yes totally boring, boring diet, but if I get a flare, that's enough for me to be stricter.
I quit making Sunday Lunch for Dad because I couldn't eat what I prepared for him. But I do cook for him and take it over, he is next door, 93, we live on 10 acres.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I met my current partner, who had already had a heart attack years before we met, had high blood pressure, and yet ate high-sodium, high-fat crap every day and very few vegetables, I made sure I didn't revive that old sense of grandiosity that I could fix him or that it was my job to do so. I ate what I wanted to eat, and he ate what he wanted to eat. Some of those things were the same, and some were not. Now he is dying of something that has nothing to do with his diet anyway.
