Lifelong single guys, what keeps you going? (men, parent, marriage)

[BrassTacksGal]

Originally Posted by Raena77

Why can't he live with her?

Because he's not disabled or ill. He doesn't need to the enormous payment for a place he doesn't need.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

Just remember that it's cliché to discuss men's thinking with their big head or their little head, a convenience or juxtaposition between anatomy and language, but women have the EXACT same ability to think with their gonads instead of with their brains.

In this respect of gonadal thinking vs. cerebral thinking, the exact thought patterns may differ between women and men, but the end result is the same: letting your hormones make a decision that overrides your brain's analytic ability to make an informed decision.

And I'll admit to have done that. Luckily none of my bad decisions ended in marriage or fatherhood.

I didn't use the cliche. I just agreed with the person who wrote it as being a smart step to reducing the chance of losing half your assets.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

Just remember that it's cliché to discuss men's thinking with their big head or their little head, a convenience or juxtaposition between anatomy and language, but women have the EXACT same ability to think with their gonads instead of with their brains.

In this respect of gonadal thinking vs. cerebral thinking, the exact thought patterns may differ between women and men, but the end result is the same: letting your hormones make a decision that overrides your brain's analytic ability to make an informed decision.

And I'll admit to have done that. Luckily none of my bad decisions ended in marriage or fatherhood.

...

Some times mistake change your life in a good way.

Ya ... I am not so sure about that thought process.

Okay I had challenging marriage ... but no matter what happens I am actually glad I got marriage and had that experience.

Okay I did not exactly "plan" to get pregnant when I did... but I have a child that I adore and would not give up in a million years.

I accidently ended up in my profession ( had no idea about it when I was younger)... but it pays well.

I accidently walked in to that store and discovered something amazing that is now a staple fashion accessory.

Some of my bad decisions may of bad decision have blown up in my face ... and some of them ... actually ended up being seemly bad decisions.... but turned out to have positive out comes.

[Auraliea]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I didn't use the cliche. I just agreed with the person who wrote it as being a smart step to reducing the chance of losing half your assets.

And I agree as well.

I generally have a black/white and prudent mindset. My friend and I were having a conversation about this yesterday. He was telling me not to be afraid of taking risks. I simply responded that you can take risks, but assess the situation carefully first. THEN decide whether or not you feel it is worth it. Too many people jump in head first without any type of logical reasoning and it baffles me how many people fall into the same trap (in a general sense.) Sometimes it helps to learn from other people's mistakes.

If we do not learn from our history, we're doomed to repeat it.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by Auraliea

And I agree as well.

I generally have a black/white and prudent mindset. My friend and I were having a conversation about this yesterday. He was telling me not to be afraid of taking risks. I simply responded that you can take risks, but assess the situation carefully first. THEN decide whether or not you feel it is worth it. Too many people jump in head first without any type of logical reasoning and it baffles me how many people fall into the same trap (in a general sense.) Sometimes it helps to learn from other people's mistakes.

If we do not learn from our history, we're doomed to repeat it.

Exactly!!!!

[klmrocks]

Certain people speak like there is some sort of universal truth and answer for everything which is totall nonsense as far as I am concerned. How does anyone know for certain what is going to happen in advance. I am pro taking risks. Yes of course review the pros and cons .... but you can just sit there letting life pass you by.

I think not trying and never knowing what could have happen is much worse then trying and making a mistake.

Life some singles guys just a reminder you are not dead .... so why give up? If you actually want to stay single well there is nothing wrong with that either. Things happen fof differenr people at different points in life. We dont all have to follow the same patterns to be happy.

[Mikala43]

I think some are thinking in extremes.


While I put much weight into choosing a spouse, I have hardly been considered someone who let's life go by.

Your partner in life is a huge choice to determining your happiness in the future, and should be viewed with that type of gravity. Discussions about finances, children, religion.... whatever is IMPORTANT. I didn't marry my late husband until I was 35 (we had already been together for 8 years). Granted, that's longer than most to make up your mind.

I certainly understand the unexpected happening. I lost my first husband days after he turned 43.

Otherwise, life passes you by? Maybe mine did, but if so it did it while I up and moved to Hawaii in my youth, bungee jumped, shark dived, white water rafted. Travel through Asia. Party with my friends. My list is long and I loved every minute of it. The best part? Now the good part of our life starts, all the hard work now means lots of time to play.

People jump to such large conclusions. People are complex, so just because they seem one way, in one area, you can't apply that to their whole lives. I suppose if you do not put much importance on marriage, then you can make more frivolous choices, and there is nothing wrong with that.

But men have a tendency to not look at the big picture when choosing a spouse, and I have advocated here a lot that they should.

You see tons of threads where guys say they don't care if she makes lots of money or what her career is. I do not think that is wise. I believe if they cared more broadly, then you wouldn't have as many guys complaining about being fleeced in divorce.

I can't speak for anyone else, but that has been my main point. I stand by that.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I think some are thinking in extremes.


While I put much weight into choosing a spouse, I have hardly been considered someone who let's life go by.

Your partner in life is a huge choice to determining your happiness in the future, and should be viewed with that type of gravity. Discussions about finances, children, religion.... whatever is IMPORTANT. I didn't marry my late husband until I was 35 (we had already been together for 8 years). Granted, that's longer than most to make up your mind.

I certainly understand the unexpected happening. I lost my first husband days after he turned 43.

Otherwise, life passes you by? Maybe mine did, but if so it did it while I up and moved to Hawaii in my youth, bungee jumped, shark dived, white water rafted. Travel through Asia. Party with my friends. My list is long and I loved every minute of it. The best part? Now the good part of our life starts, all the hard work now means lots of time to play.

People jump to such large conclusions. People are complex, so just because they seem one way, in one area, you can't apply that to their whole lives. I suppose if you do not put much importance on marriage, then you can make more frivolous choices, and there is nothing wrong with that.

But men have a tendency to not look at the big picture when choosing a spouse, and I have advocated here a lot that they should.

You see tons of threads where guys say they don't care if she makes lots of money or what her career is. I do not think that is wise. I believe if they cared more broadly, then you wouldn't have as many guys complaining about being fleeced in divorce.

I can't speak for anyone else, but that has been my main point. I stand by that.

Sorry ... I guess you really dont get it. I got engaged at 23 and married like a month after I turned 24. I am around the age you got married at now. Can you even remember being 20??? Everything is new green exciting. I invested 3 years prior in a relationship with someone who ended up " not being sure" about what he wanted. I was furious and vowed to never be involved with anyone flaky like that again. I figured you meet someone you love them you got to be all in or not at all. After few years of casually dating I met someone who was completely different. We had a very intense and romantic courtship and he asked me to marry him. It was everything it was suppose to be.... until reality set it. I would never stick it out past 2 years without being engaged.

[Auraliea]

Originally Posted by klmrocks

Sorry ... I guess you really dont get it. I got engaged at 23 and married like a month after I turned 24. I am around the age you got married at now. Can you even remember being 20??? Everything is new green exciting. I invested 3 years prior in a relationship with someone who ended up " not being sure" about what he wanted. I was furious and vowed to never be involved with anyone flaky like that again. I figured you meet someone you love them you got to be all in or not at all. After few years of casually dating I met someone who was completely different. We had a very intense and romantic courtship and he asked me to marry him. It was everything it was suppose to be.... until reality set it. I would never stick it out past 2 years without being engaged.

No one here is discrediting your experience or your life. Mikala, I, and a few other posters just have a different view. So there is nothing to get. I could easily say you "don't get it," from out POV either. If how you lived worked out for you, that's fine. However, we choose to observe and act accordingly first. I have witnessed quite a few things backfire in people's faces because they didn't make calculated or reasonable choices.

Many classmates I know fell into the trap many teens fall into because they didn't think before they acted. I knew very early on I didn't want to jump into a relationship/marriage because I didn't have the maturity level or financial means to have a child at the time (I know not every relationship leads to children but things change and accidents happen.) I still don't. Before I even consider any thing like that, I want to establish first, romance later. A lot of people I know got into relationships/marriages, had children first, THEN went to school and got a job. Lot of those people are divorced/separated now and struggling.

I didn't want that for myself and certainly not for a child. If things turned out differently for you, awesome, kudos to you. However it does not work like that for the majority. I rather plan and prepare first.

That's all we're saying.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by Auraliea

No one here is discrediting your experience or your life. Mikala, I, and a few other posters just have a different view. So there is nothing to get. I could easily say you "don't get it," from out POV either. If how you lived worked out for you, that's fine. However, we choose to observe and act accordingly first. I have witnessed quite a few things backfire in people's faces because they didn't make calculated or reasonable choices.

Many classmates I know fell into the trap many teens fall into because they didn't think before they acted. I knew very early on I didn't want to jump into a relationship/marriage because I didn't have the maturity level or financial means to have a child at the time (I know not every relationship leads to children but things change and accidents happen.) I still don't. Before I even consider any thing like that, I want to establish first, romance later. A lot of people I know got into relationships/marriages, had children first, THEN went to school and got a job. Lot of those people are divorced/separated now and struggling.

I didn't want that for myself and certainly not for a child. If things turned out differently for you, awesome, kudos to you. However it does not work like that for the majority. I rather plan and prepare first.

That's all we're saying.

Why even argue the point? As acting implusively and failure to act can both lead to disappointing outcomes. As evidence by this thread as many areas of this forum failure to cease the day ... the opportunity to be in a relationship with someone also leads to displeasure and loneliness.

Also it is a bizarre and an unreasonable idea to suggest that women who want to actually give birth to their own childen should wait until their 30s to start working on that game plan.

All this conversation suggests to me is that anyone reading anything on these forums should not take any advise on these forums relating to relationships or psychology too seriously.

You may be just as likely to get an accurate answer using a magic 8 ball.