Lifelong single guys, what keeps you going? (men, woman, husband)

[LowonLuck]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

I've began wondering lately if marriage too is one of the casualties of cultural evolution and advanced technology. I'm trying to come up with reasons to even get married in the first place, other than tax treatment.

Why do we need a piece of paper from the government giving us permission to be in love and have children? I think a better solution would to hire a lawyer to write a marriage contract (each partner needs their own lawyer) and then seek religious ceremonies if you are so inclined.

Hate to say it. Hollywood started it. IMO all the celebs are air heads. It pains me to see myself accepting that maybe they were right, among the first to realize that marriage has died for many of us.

Men do not want marriage these days. I do not get it, but when they ask what does it get them and I cannot think of anything either.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist

That's because today's relationships are a zero-sum game: you're either doing the controlling or you're being controlled. By default, the woman is in charge. Since it's human nature to not want to be controlled, and those men either don't know how to exert control or have moral qualms about doing so, they choose to eschew relationships altogether. This way, it's their life and theirs alone, and they don't have to be vigilant 24/7 about standing their ground. Especially about trivial things, like clothes on the floor or dishes in the sink.

I also think that some men (and I guess women too) eschew relationships because they grew up in an authoritarian household, and living with anybody is a scenario they don't want to repeat.

I get this. Honestly if I was to get divorced... I would be 100% very careful about getting married again. I rushed in to getting married when I was in my early 20s not having a clue about what I wanted in life or really knowing my husband all that well and it has been a roller coaster ( one of the big huge scary ones).

My husband has some say in certain aspect of the housing design and style but I am talking about like 20%.

Perfect example is the apple tree situation. We were fixing up our backyard. My husband thinks flowers are a waste of time. His opinion is if you can't eat them why waste time watering it lol.

I was totally okay with buying fruit trees, berry bushes and doing a real vegetable garden. When we purchased the home I want this home because of the lot size. I wanted to at one point build a swimming pool. This was my vision for this property.

So we got this apple tree. My husband is thinking he is going to put in the middle of the yard so it can get better light and grow better so he starting digging the hole. I came out just as he planted the tree and told him to get it out of my pool lol! Long story short you got 2 adults yelling at each other over where to put an apple tree. I won and moved the tree.

After all the fussy about where to put the tree. The tree died over the winter as some animals in the backyard broke it and we still don't have a swimming pool ! However as I am 100% more persistant with what I want the chances of us having a swimming pool even if I have to dig the hole with a slove is much higher then us having an apple tree that actually produces apples in the middle of the yard. Once I build the pool if he wants an island area in it that he can grow an apple tree from I am totally okay with that. After all who would not like a handy snack after a long swin !

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Men do not want marriage these days. I do not get it, but when they ask what does it get them and I cannot think of anything either.

I'm past an age where I would want children. I'm living on the college money in my retirement that would have been spent on their education.

I would have gotten married back when I was of an age that having children would have been a possibility.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by LowonLuck

Men do not want marriage these days. I do not get it, but when they ask what does it get them and I cannot think of anything either.

You what I don't think it is all men ( just the ones I end up with lol ).
There are actually men that really want to have kids and larger families..... but their have a larger window of time to have kids. Women have more pressure to have kids sooner before it is too late. I know several women just about to hit 40 that have been trying hard to have the final kid.

[Lovehound]

And people like myself want to date women appropriate to my own age, so men who think like me realize at some point that all the women we're dating are past childbearing age.

It's not that we such men don't want children. Men like me are just not interested in dating child-women. (Women who are decades younger than us.)

I was sad when I realized I would never have children unless I stooped to shopping for a child-woman to marry.

[SomeGuyInFairfax]

True, they can be clownish but I nonetheless found myself reading a lot on the site, just to error-check my own thinking.

If there was a moderate MGTOW-like group it would surely be equally vilified, and that is unfair because it there is so much wrong with paternity and custody laws. The courts look at what's in the "best interest of the child" but that should not automatically mean the mother is in the best interest. And as for the guy paying child support for a kid not his own, it could even happen to someone who has been dating a single mother for a time and the child began to see him as a father figure. A court could decide that it is in the "best interest of the child" that he pay support.

The only real recourse men have is preemptive: don't get into situations, i.e., marriage or dating a single mother, where you could get burned if the relationship fails.

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I really wish there were a more moderate MGTOW-like group that would speak out for people like my old HS classmate who is paying child support for a kid he proved paternity was not his (and never married the mother) or for friends who can't see their kids without incurring legal bills to get even visitation. Having those clowns speak for that sucks.

[Maliblue]

Originally Posted by superk

For those guys who are pretty much relegated to being single forever, what keeps you going? What makes life interesting to you?

Serial dating relationships.

[Hawk J]

Originally Posted by klmrocks

I get this. Honestly if I was to get divorced... I would be 100% very careful about getting married again. I rushed in to getting married when I was in my early 20s not having a clue about what I wanted in life or really knowing my husband all that well and it has been a roller coaster ( one of the big huge scary ones).

My husband has some say in certain aspect of the housing design and style but I am talking about like 20%.

Perfect example is the apple tree situation. We were fixing up our backyard. My husband thinks flowers are a waste of time. His opinion is if you can't eat them why waste time watering it lol.

I was totally okay with buying fruit trees, berry bushes and doing a real vegetable garden. When we purchased the home I want this home because of the lot size. I wanted to at one point build a swimming pool. This was my vision for this property.

So we got this apple tree. My husband is thinking he is going to put in the middle of the yard so it can get better light and grow better so he starting digging the hole. I came out just as he planted the tree and told him to get it out of my pool lol! Long story short you got 2 adults yelling at each other over where to put an apple tree. I won and moved the tree.

After all the fussy about where to put the tree. The tree died over the winter as some animals in the backyard broke it and we still don't have a swimming pool ! However as I am 100% more persistant with what I want the chances of us having a swimming pool even if I have to dig the hole with a slove is much higher then us having an apple tree that actually produces apples in the middle of the yard. Once I build the pool if he wants an island area in it that he can grow an apple tree from I am totally okay with that. After all who would not like a handy snack after a long swin !

You will need 2 apple trees close enough to cross pollinate & produce apples.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax

True, they can be clownish but I nonetheless found myself reading a lot on the site, just to error-check my own thinking.

If there was a moderate MGTOW-like group it would surely be equally vilified, and that is unfair because it there is so much wrong with paternity and custody laws. The courts look at what's in the "best interest of the child" but that should not automatically mean the mother is in the best interest. And as for the guy paying child support for a kid not his own, it could even happen to someone who has been dating a single mother for a time and the child began to see him as a father figure. A court could decide that it is in the "best interest of the child" that he pay support.

The only real recourse men have is preemptive: don't get into situations, i.e., marriage or dating a single mother, where you could get burned if the relationship fails.

I agree with what you have above - I do not think the laws are fair. Though it is typical when the pendulum swings to the other side. This started as women having no rights and the guy walking away from families he created with no obligation.

A middle ground is needed.

[klmrocks]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

I'm past an age where I would want children. I'm living on the college money in my retirement that would have been spent on their education.

I would have gotten married back when I was of an age that having children would have been a possibility.

If you end up with a woman with grand kids you get the best taste of being around kids during the good times and not having to deal with the unfun stuff !