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Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,489 posts, read 8,820,291 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by {geek}
@OP, you'll meet someone when you least expect it. Love finds you, not the other way around. Get yourself a fun new hobby where you're able to meet new and interesting people and chances are, you'll meet someone special.
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I agree with this. I never actively looked for a date. I just lived my life and enjoyed my job and hobbies. My husband just sort of fell into my lap because of a mutual interest in computers and gadgets and from hanging out at a website for people who enjoyed the same things. One thing led to another and here we are...an old married couple.
I agree with this. I never actively looked for a date. I just lived my life and enjoyed my job and hobbies. My husband just sort of fell into my lap because of a mutual interest in computers and gadgets and from hanging out at a website for people who enjoyed the same things. One thing led to another and here we are...an old married couple.
I don't really agree. Most people I know that are in at least a long term relationship, ONE of them was the pursuer. One of them was looking and won the other one over, whether it be looks, personality, whatever. I do not believe you just fall into it. You may think your husband just fell into your lap, but he noticed you and he went out of his way to pursue something with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Gosh I agree with this. I think the online venue is FAR less stressful, but that's just me.
As I've mentioned, it's because I get so few responses, I must be somehow convincing myself that I like this girl because who knows when my next date will be. Instead of staying objective and skeptical, I believe the words out of her mouth and I take certain actions to mean more than they obviously mean. It's also because I feel like you both know why you're there, and there's date pressure/awkwardness from the very start. You never get to meet just as an acquaintence or friend first, you're meeting as a date and potential partner. I also feel mature enough to be able to handle seeing someone it didn't work out with on a regular basis after the fact. I don't get weirded out by someone's presence, and I don't fear or avoid confrontation (if you haven't noticed that already). I'd feel a lot better if I could've communicated with this last girl, even if it were a screaming match. I'd feel more like I got out there what I wanted to say and at least I'd hear something from her. That's just how I see it.
Again, I know what kind of people I like, and I know what qualities I'm looking for in women. I feel I will just get myself out there more other ways and just meet new people the "old fashioned way" as some of you older folks call it. These women I'm stressing out over are CLEARLY not the types of women I want to go out with. Some MAJOR personality traits I look for are honesty and straightforwardness. These women have been anything BUT honest or straightforward. Online dating isn't doing for me what I set out to do, which was to find specific qualities in women that are important to me simply because if I want to get a date, I have to send out hundreds of emails to see what I get back. Otherwise it feels like I'm wasting my money on the site, yet I'm wasting my money on these women anyway (can you say conundrum?)
Anyways, I'm not trying to make it complicated, I'm an intelligent person, I think, I analyze. Of all the women I hear complain about men being stupid, I'm sure the same women are saying I'm too complicated. Whatever.
I joined a random softball team and played with them for the first time today. I'm busy moving and other things the next couple weeks, but I'll be joining other random groups or something soon. Online dating is just too open-ended for things I'm NOT looking for. Like women who don't know what they want, women who lie, women who aren't what I'm looking for, women I'm utlimately only going out with simply because she's one of 50 who responded to my email. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, BLINDFOLDED. Forget about it, it's not worth a dime or a minute of my time.
You know, I never understood all of this online dating activity. Call me old fashioned but I like to go out and meet women and talk on a personal level. You see what she looks like, she sees what you look like.
Too often people post "phony" pictures.
I know people are often phony in public as well, but...
I'm not knocking it, but I don't see myself trying it.
Then again, I'm not really trying to date anyway, I just want to have me some fun and be free.
You are a rare breed. Most men just don't go up to a strange woman and ask her out. It would be nice if it happens. I know people are going to post on here that they get 5 dates a week meeting men in the grocery store, but I don't know anyone who has had that happen.
But I do agree about meeting public vs online. There are too many strange things online. Like...what ARE they looking for? You can have a fairly innocuous profile, be educated, no drugs, a nice picture, in shape, and they will pass you over. And you look at WHO passed you over, and you think, wow, what is this?
cdubs, I am a woman, and I get few responses and of those responses, I get about one date every 3 months. That's if they don't stand me up. It used to be that the average person was of good caliber, a decent person. Now, it is as if the common stock are what you see on reality TV.
cdubs, I am a woman, and I get few responses and of those responses, I get about one date every 3 months. That's if they don't stand me up. It used to be that the average person was of good caliber, a decent person. Now, it is as if the common stock are what you see on reality TV.
You know, Nebulous, you're not gonna like what I have to say, but I'll say it anyway. I noticed you have a picture up and took a look. Having a messy bed behind you is hardly the best presentation (in case you have similar pictures on the dating sites)... That, combined with the attitude you always show here, is hardly very appealing... And you're a good-looking woman - that's not the problem. Just think about it.
You know, Nebulous, you're not gonna like what I have to say, but I'll say it anyway. I noticed you have a picture up and took a look. Having a messy bed behind you is hardly the best presentation (in case you have similar pictures on the dating sites)... That, combined with the attitude you always show here, is hardly very appealing... And you're a good-looking woman - that's not the problem. Just think about it.
Wake up, nebulous. Brush your teeth, take a shower and start getting dressed
You are a rare breed. Most men just don't go up to a strange woman and ask her out. It would be nice if it happens. I know people are going to post on here that they get 5 dates a week meeting men in the grocery store, but I don't know anyone who has had that happen.
nebulous,
You obviously don't understand why people employ online dating. It isn't about not being able to just go up to a woman and strike up a conversation. Online dating is more about meeting women you might not normally meet. In our everyday lives, there are limits to the people we'll meet. At work, school, through friends and family, the places we go, etc. After a while, you run out of new people. There are parts of my city I've never been to because I've never had occasion to go there. But for all I know, the perfect person for me lives there. Online dating giving a meeting place for the two of us. It doesn't guarantee that we'll be right for each other. But anything that enables me to meet someone I might not have met otherwise is probably a good thing. Don't judge a tool by the people who use it.
Those of you who know, I've been online dating for about a year now (my 1 year subscription ends June 30). I've met around 15 women or so, and had some stressful endings with about 4 of them. I've seen a therapist about it, and the most recent "issue" showed me I'm not quite as far along as I hoped to be, but felt I've made improvements.
One of the things we discussed that got me thinking was this statement he made to me: "Dating will always have struggles, but it's the struggle that makes us appreciate the right person even more when we do find them". We also discussed my disgust with the flaky ingore rejection, and "what does it speak to these women who do this?" He basically told me we go through this struggle because finding someone to be happy with is important to me.
After careful thought and consideration, I realized that it is NOT that important to me. Not having other dates lined up, not emailing any other girls the last couple weeks, I feel totally free of the stressful burden of online dating, and let me tell you....I feel so much better. It feels really good to not be thinking about someone else and whether I'll ever talk to them again, what I'm going to do for the next date, what my next move will be, how she'll react, etc. Finding someone to be in a relationship with is NOT worth all this, and I'm sure many of you who have found success will disagree, but I don't think it's worth it for me.
I'm also completely throwing in the towel on online dating. I am considering asking some girls out that I know in person, but online dating is no longer a part of me or my life. I thought about why I was doing online dating and what I was trying to accomplish. Ultimately I joined because I felt like I could narrow down my search to target specific types of girls that I would be interested in based on personality and interests. I have now looked back and realized that I have done everything BUT be specific and narrowing in my options. I've had to broaden them farther than I've liked.
I've looked back at these women and I realize how annoying or btchy they were on some of these dates, and I now understand I would probably not have enjoyed being with them anyway. So why did I like them so early on? I know now that I did it because my response rate on match was SO LOW that if a decent looking girl who had an ounce of personality would respond to me, I felt like she was a VERY GOOD OPTION which was considered a RARE opportunity to go out with. Doesn't matter how you try to explain it, whether it's the huge ratios of men to women, the pickiness of thousands of dudes emailing girls, my looks, my personality, my height, my pictures, WHATEVER, none of the reasons matter except for the fact that my response rate is incredibly low. I sent out 50 thought out, friendly, sincere, but brief emails out and I get maybe 3 back. I've run out of girls to email so I've expanded my search to women I wouldn't like anyway. What's the point of that? That's the opposite of what I set out to do. Honesty and straightforwardness is something I hold very important in someone I date, and clearly that's not what these women have been about.
Pair all that with just the overall better feeling of not being invested in a dating scenario, I just feel really good about getting rid of online dating from my lifestyle. I wanted to thank many of you for the kind words, the slap in the face, and any help you've tried to give me (sorry if I became hostile in some responses), but I appreciate all of it. This feels really good and I don't doubt this is absolutely the right decision for me. Best of luck to all.
I went thru simular experiences with my online dating a while back ; I gave myself some time off of trying to secure dates and focused my energies on developing my relationship with God for the past few years and it has been very fulfilling . Hes also sent some great friends my way which helps takes the edge off of the dating scene.
The right one is the last one you meet. Sort of like you find something that's missiing in the last place you look. I met my wife of 7 years online and did the dating thing for about 2 years before that. All the bad dates
were worth it to find the right one in the end plus I have a LOT of funny date stories to tell.
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