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women seem to want a confident, assertive man. this "game", if you want to call it that, results in weeding out the men who are not confident and assertive enough, right? so it seems like a successful strategy to me.
Too often, it's a self-defeating strategy. The woman may think she's weeding out the men who lack confidence. But for all she knows, that man she's interested in is confident enough to realize that she's not the only woman around and that he has other options besides her.
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Originally Posted by MissLucky
She has more than a dozen books on relationships and dating and I'm suspecting this is where she gets her silly ideas from.
These books create more problems then they're worth. Too often, they cause people to not trust their instincts.
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Originally Posted by onihC
Don't understand why women play those games, test men, see how far a man can go to deserve to breathe her air, see how much of a man/gentleman he is, etc. I asked, she didn't show interest (she was interested actually but did the woman thing of "testing"), so I moved on, as simple as that. Went with a girl who showed interest from the start.
Good for you. If a woman's not interested, fine. I'll move on. But if she is, why hide it or try to test me? It's a silly childish way to deal with a person. There was one girl I was really interested in. But when I asked her out, she told me why we would never be compatible. So I accepted that and moved on. Later on, I learned that she was interested and wondered why I didn't pursue her more aggressively. When I told her it was because of what she said to me, she was disappointed. I think she realized she screwed up.
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Originally Posted by betamanlet
Well despite all the claims of equality, very few women will make any efforts like actually do something like approach. They at best might "give signals".
They don't necessarily have to approach, but if a guy shows interest in you and you're interested in him, then there's no need to make him jump through hoops. He may easily decide you're not worth the trouble or that there's another woman out there just as good as you who won't waste his time like that.
Absolutely to the bolded above. Honestly, in the beginning I won't initiate diddly-squat (with a few exceptions - nothing is absolute). But if you call me I will return your call, not always right away, my days are swamped, I'll return your text. If I don't it's because I'm not interested - but I'll usually just tell a guy that.
But will you call/text the guy first after a while? I'm not just talking about returning a phone call but just calling the guy like that... if the woman NEVER takes the initiative to contact me and makes me do all the work then I'm gonna think she is not that intrested.
They don't necessarily have to approach, but if a guy shows interest in you and you're interested in him, then there's no need to make him jump through hoops. He may easily decide you're not worth the trouble or that there's another woman out there just as good as you who won't waste his time like that.
Exactly. Women who want the man to chase her and work to get her tend to be princessy, high-maintenance and self centric, aswell as thinking she is entitled because she is a woman and that the man has to prove his "worth" to her
> He may easily decide you're not worth the trouble or that there's another woman out there just as good as you who won't waste his time like that.
This is absolutely true and why I think allowing the man to lead is a good dating strategy (for someone like me). If a man sees me as "not worth the trouble" of pursuing, and if he thinks he can find someone else "just as good as me", then I already have all the information I need to know and I agree that we would be wasting each others time.
> He may easily decide you're not worth the trouble or that there's another woman out there just as good as you who won't waste his time like that.
This is absolutely true and why I think allowing the man to lead is a good dating strategy (for someone like me). If a man sees me as "not worth the trouble" of pursuing, and if he thinks he can find someone else "just as good as me", then I already have all the information I need to know and I agree that we would be wasting each others time.
I smell an air of entitlement in your post. If a man decides you're not the worth the effort, instead of just dismissing him, maybe you ought to ask why he's concluded you're no longer worth pursuing. Maybe you should take a closer look at yourself and your behavior to determine if you're not making him less interested than he was initially. As a guy, if I meet a woman that I'm attracted to and I see signs of mutual interest, I'll pursue her. But what I won't do is play silly mind games or jump through hoops. One of the qualities I look for in a woman is maturity. Playing hard to get just tells me she's immature and therefore not worth pursuing. The more you make it into a chase, the more you objectify yourself. Some men like to be challenged. The problem though is that makes the woman seem more like a trophy than an actual person and the more he has to work to "catch" you, the greater the risk he'll move on once he does finally catch you, cause the thrill of the pursuit will be gone. What no woman (or man) wants to hear but ought to know is that they're not the only fish in the sea. No matter how great you may think you are, the fact is that there's someone else out there just as great. And a truly confident guy knows this, which is why his self-respect will kick in and he'll tell himself it's not worth chasing after someone who plays games instead of being direct about she wants.
I smell an air of entitlement in your post. If a man decides you're not the worth the effort, instead of just dismissing him, maybe you ought to ask why he's concluded you're no longer worth pursuing. Maybe you should take a closer look at yourself and your behavior to determine if you're not making him less interested than he was initially. As a guy, if I meet a woman that I'm attracted to and I see signs of mutual interest, I'll pursue her. But what I won't do is play silly mind games or jump through hoops. One of the qualities I look for in a woman is maturity. Playing hard to get just tells me she's immature and therefore not worth pursuing. The more you make it into a chase, the more you objectify yourself. Some men like to be challenged. The problem though is that makes the woman seem more like a trophy than an actual person and the more he has to work to "catch" you, the greater the risk he'll move on once he does finally catch you, cause the thrill of the pursuit will be gone. What no woman (or man) wants to hear but ought to know is that they're not the only fish in the sea. No matter how great you may think you are, the fact is that there's someone else out there just as great. And a truly confident guy knows this, which is why his self-respect will kick in and he'll tell himself it's not worth chasing after someone who plays games instead of being direct about she wants.
Hmmm, I agree with you here. Although I also liked being pursued, it must be a 2-way street. Expressing interest and showing effort in return is an important part of building relationship. I didn't always understand that or cared, it came with age.
Men are more visual than women. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think a man can scan a room and decide very quickly which women he finds attractive enough to pursue. There's also women in the room that he has no attraction for at all (and never will). And then somewhere in the middle are the women that he is lukewarm about. That is, he might respond positively to her if she makes it easy for him. I think men make these decisions almost instantly based upon a woman's physical attractiveness.
I only want to be with a man who considers me in the first group. If that makes me entitled, then okay, I can live with that.
Men are more visual than women. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think a man can scan a room and decide very quickly which women he finds attractive enough to pursue. There's also women in the room that he has no attraction for at all (and never will). And then somewhere in the middle are the women that he is lukewarm about. That is, he might respond positively to her if she makes it easy for him. I think men make these decisions almost instantly based upon a woman's physical attractiveness.
I only want to be with a man who considers me in the first group. If that makes me entitled, then okay, I can live with that.
'
Excepting that, for me, there aren't too many women in the second group. The things that will turn me off are tattoos or piercings in something other than the ears.
Many men I dated complained about me not calling them. I heard the complaint often, actually. Those relationships faded away and I'm sure they moved on to find other women more suitable for them.
Meanwhile, I moved on to date men who were crazy about me and didn't view calling me as "work". It is a win-win situation. Everyone's happy!
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