Single Mothers..Are we doomed (wives, attractive, divorces, conversation)
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I've never met a single mother who made excuses for having a child. But they know that people will be wondering how they came to be a single mom. So if you hear one say she was drunk and slept with the wrong guy, that's not offered up as an excuse. It's simply an explanation. What these women want is understanding and acceptance. If you can't or won't accept them as they are and all they come with, they simply ask that you move on and not waste each their time or yours. Also, this idea that single mothers expect praise and admiration for choosing to raise a child on their own is something I've never come across. They know they made a mistake and they know people will judge them for it. They took responsibility for their actions and are now doing their best to raise a child in less-than-ideal circumstances. The women some of you have described, the ones who say they're a great catch and that a good man would recognize that, not all single mothers fall into this category. They know that plenty of good men will still pass on them and they totally understand the reasons. Frankly, I think it's the stereotypical single moms who give the whole group a bad image. As with any group, it's best to take people on a case-by-case basis.
Well I do. Contrary to the mathematically challenged and those who don't understand basic biology, there are a lot fewer "fathers in the dating pool" than there are single mothers. Why?
Hi NotARedneck,
Then there is the linguistically challenged who may miss the meaning of the word roughly. The real issue is the custodial parent which is by and large women. I would still consider that there are many men in the dating pool who do pay child support and are otherwise in a child's life. I doubt that there is a large number of men who have fathered 10 children with 5 different women. Yes there are some.
This explains why so many of these single mothers are so disappointed and mystified about how things went for them. Their attitude was: "I was such a good catch. Why didn't he stick by me, get a good job and be a decent honest person? He should have done it for me."
Oh goodness that was certainly far from my situation! My ex was basically a controlling selfish jerk that felt that the world should revolve around him. He never made a move to do better, job-wise, until we split up and he had no more meal-ticket to rely on. He has even told me...he never would have made it where he was today, if I had stayed with him and not given him the push he needed. Of course, he's since fallen on hard times with this economy, and though I feel bad for him, he's still the same self-centered control freak that he always was. I was better off the very day I moved into my own home. We simply were not meant to be. He may be a good catch for a different woman than I (he has remarried and they seem far better suited) but I never for a minute wondered "why".
Whatever...I already excluded widows earlier. And yes, your mother, and mine too should have picked better mates if they have a problem being judged for their poor decisions leading to single motherhood. but, it is what it is.
I didn't see in your post where you excluded widows, but then again it was verrrry long winded, so pardon me if I missed that. Face it, dude, relationships can change. To think otherwise is naive. That has nothing to do with decision making. The day that people have this magic crystal ball and can see into the future regarding their mate is the day we'll achieve world peace. you don't know how he/she is going to be ten years from now. People change. Poor decision making would be to stay together only for a kid to avoid single motherhood. Your logic and undeserved judgments are obsurd. The fact that you think single mothers are accustomed or "conditioned" as you put it to praise makes me think you were perhaps intoxicated when you wrote that rather long post. In addition, you think way too highly of yourself...but I guess someone has to. Thank goodness in the grand scheme of things your opinions really don't matter.
Oh goodness that was certainly far from my situation! My ex was basically a controlling selfish jerk that felt that the world should revolve around him. He never made a move to do better, job-wise, until we split up and he had no more meal-ticket to rely on. He has even told me...he never would have made it where he was today, if I had stayed with him and not given him the push he needed. Of course, he's since fallen on hard times with this economy, and though I feel bad for him, he's still the same self-centered control freak that he always was. I was better off the very day I moved into my own home. We simply were not meant to be. He may be a good catch for a different woman than I (he has remarried and they seem far better suited) but I never for a minute wondered "why".
And you never had the slightest inkling that he was like that when you signed up?
I have known so many decent guys who have trouble getting to first base. What do they do wrong?
And you never had the slightest inkling that he was like that when you signed up?
I have known so many decent guys who have trouble getting to first base. What do they do wrong?
You'll also notice that women will have their longest relationships with the ones they think are the biggest jerks, or even abusive ones, because there's more drama involved. "Decent guys" are boring to the average woman.
And you never had the slightest inkling that he was like that when you signed up?
I have known so many decent guys who have trouble getting to first base. What do they do wrong?
I think most people have an inkling of each other's faults. Whether or not the two of you are truly ready to compromise, live with the faults, and function as one, is rather hard to know in advance. If I did not think we were going to make it, I assure you I never would have married him. And I know he feels the same way.
You'll also notice that women will have their longest relationships with the ones they think are the biggest jerks, or even abusive ones, because there's more drama involved. "Decent guys" are boring to the average woman.
Bullsh*t. God can we get more sour grapes here????
No matter what kind of husband he was with ME, he has apparently made a good match with his second wife. And he surely loves our son. Just because 2 people don't end up together, doesn't mean there is something inherently wrong with them. It often means that they are simply with the wrong person.
I doubt that there is a large number of men who have fathered 10 children with 5 different women. Yes there are some.
Yes, and how many women have 5 kids by 5 different men. Farily common. I would also wager that with divorced couples it is more likely the male will remarry a younger woman and have additional children where the female will be less likely to have additional children.
I've never met a single mother who made excuses for having a child. But they know that people will be wondering how they came to be a single mom. So if you hear one say she was drunk and slept with the wrong guy, that's not offered up as an excuse. It's simply an explanation.
There are still women that intentionally become single mothers. Two of my friends have done so because they could not find Mr. right that wanted to have children. I wouldnt personally reccomend it, but they both are doing exceptionally well raising their children.
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