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I have been married to one of the most beautiful women in the world...and she is one of the most caring people in the world who would do just about anything for me, when we got married I was about as messed up of a person that there could be, I had been married twice before, I had 3 children I was 35 yrs old no credit no money hardly a job and really nothing to give anyone myself included. This beautiful lady saw something in me that she liked and wanted to marry me after I told her that we should get married. Shortly afterwards I got arrested for DUI, and for selling cocaine, and non-payment of child support, she stayed with me through all of that, we had a child together, and I was helping her raise hers, and decided it would be best for her to leave her other child who was 11 at the time with her parents that practically had raised him for birth. So anyway after the birth of our beautiful daughter, I joined church and decided to quit doing all the destructive things that were destroying my life and those around me. I had so much hurt and anger from growing up without a mother and father, raised by my grandparents, that I was so demanding on my wife to have everything perfect so I could ridicule or criticize her for any and everything that I could. Now this went on for about 10 years, I would always work hard and try to provide things for her and the kids, but I wasn't a very happy person at all. I finally decided to start trying to fix myself so my family would want to be around me, but the problem was that they had already built up all this resentment that my wife had already decided to fulfill her life with other things...I never cheated on my wife or ever wanted to, but we were starting to have some mayor disagreements about things and she was loosing all respect for me and really having a hard time showing me love and affection. I was trying to get her to be more intimate with me and doing more things together but it seemed like she would have rather done something with the kids or read a book or do something at the kids school. We were starting to really become disconnected and I starting to feel lime she really didn't care any longer, I still never thought about going outside our marriage for anything. I was still trying to enlighten myself I think now so that I could feel good about something about me and so I could feel sone worth about why I existed, all the time not really feeling like we were getting any closer. Our arguments were starting to get more heated and hurtful things were being said, I feel mostly towards me, I would even write them down so I would be able to say that this is what you said about me. I started feeling like all I was becoming was someone to pay the bills and make sure the house was clean. I started to think my wife didn't want to kiss me anymore and we really started growing apart. After a disagreement one time I stated that this is the way it is going to be in my house and my wife got extremely mad and told me that she ****ing hated me right to my face with every bit of hate coming from her that she had pushed down inside her over the last 13yrs. I then said to her that I knew she hated me and the only reason that she was with me was for the kids...this is what I though anyway. At that moment I knew that she really didn't love me how can you say that to someone and not mean it, I was devastated and I felt that she would never feel for me lime I thought she once had. It was after that that I started to think that we maybe shouldn't be together, and maybe we would be better off not being with each other, maybe she would be a lot happier without me in her life. I really wanted to understand why people did what they did, and felt the way they felt. I was having a hard time believing that she really didn't love me but I was looking for all the reasons why she would say that. Any way as time past and the arguments became more frequent I just immerse myself in self-help books hoping to become someone she would hate, I felt like I was really doing good, but she was already so withdrawn that it was not igniting any new passion, or intimacy. I really started seeing and thinking thoughts that I didn't think my wife wanted to be with me and I didn't want to be with her. I never thought that I would go out and find some other person and start cheating, but one time I was on a trip and I just believed that I would meet a very special person, and when I was at a gas station this girl looked at me and smiled at me and started talking to me and I ended up getting her number and calling her. I knew in my heart of hearts that when I made that first call that my wife would find out but at that time I just didn't care enough about our marriage to care, for sone reason I was just more interested in this girl that had just shown me a little interest. I really did not even think about having sex with her just that she showed me some attention was enough for me really I had no desire to have sex with her and would not because I was married and I knew that that was not an option. I took my wedding ring off when I met her later that night and ended up telling her that I was married, and I left her there alone. I continued to email her after she had email me and apologized for coming on to me. I continued to communicate with her and thinking that I was helping her and she was helping me, she was feeding my ego and it really felt good to have someone that seemed to like me. Well needless to say that my wife found out and we went to counseling and really was able to talk about and let out some of the things that we were holding back and we really made great strides in restoring our flame for one another. When I got caught I really came face to face with the possibility that I might loose my wife and it terrified me. I knew that was not what I wanted I did not want to loos her for any woman. Everything was great for 6 or 8 weeks and then I would think of this other girl and I start allowing myself to think about things like is she still thinking of me and does she still care about me, and all the time I am just having a wonderful time with my wife and everything is great. I would think more and more about this girl until one day I decided to call her to see how she was doing and try to tell her something about what had happened, and before you know it I was right back to talking to her agin and wanting to feel this feeling like she wanted me. I honestly know that if presented with the fact that if I could be with one or the other there wouldn't be any question I would choose my wife, especially with the progress that we have made lately. I don't know why I gave into this temptation and don't know why I was temped to, but I am glad that my wife found out again and that I will not stop until I found out why I decided to do this to my wife and my family and to me. The last thing I want to be is someone who cheats on someone, that is not who I am and that is not who I will be period.
D
I'm a female serial cheater in "recovery," and have started a blog to explore the good, the bad, and the ugly with regards to cheating. I'm hoping that by sharing my experiences, we can learn something about where the urge to cheat comes from and why. To follow my blog, "Confessions of a Serial Cheater," follow this link or copy and paste it into your address bar:
[url=http://confessionsofafemaleserialcheater.blogspot.com/]Confessions of a Female Serial Cheater[/url]
I have been married to one of the most beautiful women in the world...and she is one of the most caring people in the world who would do just about anything for me, when we got married I was about as messed up of a person that there could be, I had been married twice before, I had 3 children I was 35 yrs old no credit no money hardly a job and really nothing to give anyone myself included. This beautiful lady saw something in me that she liked and wanted to marry me after I told her that we should get married. Shortly afterwards I got arrested for DUI, and for selling cocaine, and non-payment of child support, she stayed with me through all of that, we had a child together, and I was helping her raise hers, and decided it would be best for her to leave her other child who was 11 at the time with her parents that practically had raised him for birth. So anyway after the birth of our beautiful daughter, I joined church and decided to quit doing all the destructive things that were destroying my life and those around me. I had so much hurt and anger from growing up without a mother and father, raised by my grandparents, that I was so demanding on my wife to have everything perfect so I could ridicule or criticize her for any and everything that I could. Now this went on for about 10 years, I would always work hard and try to provide things for her and the kids, but I wasn't a very happy person at all. I finally decided to start trying to fix myself so my family would want to be around me, but the problem was that they had already built up all this resentment that my wife had already decided to fulfill her life with other things...I never cheated on my wife or ever wanted to, but we were starting to have some mayor disagreements about things and she was loosing all respect for me and really having a hard time showing me love and affection. I was trying to get her to be more intimate with me and doing more things together but it seemed like she would have rather done something with the kids or read a book or do something at the kids school. We were starting to really become disconnected and I starting to feel lime she really didn't care any longer, I still never thought about going outside our marriage for anything. I was still trying to enlighten myself I think now so that I could feel good about something about me and so I could feel sone worth about why I existed, all the time not really feeling like we were getting any closer. Our arguments were starting to get more heated and hurtful things were being said, I feel mostly towards me, I would even write them down so I would be able to say that this is what you said about me. I started feeling like all I was becoming was someone to pay the bills and make sure the house was clean. I started to think my wife didn't want to kiss me anymore and we really started growing apart. After a disagreement one time I stated that this is the way it is going to be in my house and my wife got extremely mad and told me that she ****ing hated me right to my face with every bit of hate coming from her that she had pushed down inside her over the last 13yrs. I then said to her that I knew she hated me and the only reason that she was with me was for the kids...this is what I though anyway. At that moment I knew that she really didn't love me how can you say that to someone and not mean it, I was devastated and I felt that she would never feel for me lime I thought she once had. It was after that that I started to think that we maybe shouldn't be together, and maybe we would be better off not being with each other, maybe she would be a lot happier without me in her life. I really wanted to understand why people did what they did, and felt the way they felt. I was having a hard time believing that she really didn't love me but I was looking for all the reasons why she would say that. Any way as time past and the arguments became more frequent I just immerse myself in self-help books hoping to become someone she would hate, I felt like I was really doing good, but she was already so withdrawn that it was not igniting any new passion, or intimacy. I really started seeing and thinking thoughts that I didn't think my wife wanted to be with me and I didn't want to be with her. I never thought that I would go out and find some other person and start cheating, but one time I was on a trip and I just believed that I would meet a very special person, and when I was at a gas station this girl looked at me and smiled at me and started talking to me and I ended up getting her number and calling her. I knew in my heart of hearts that when I made that first call that my wife would find out but at that time I just didn't care enough about our marriage to care, for sone reason I was just more interested in this girl that had just shown me a little interest. I really did not even think about having sex with her just that she showed me some attention was enough for me really I had no desire to have sex with her and would not because I was married and I knew that that was not an option. I took my wedding ring off when I met her later that night and ended up telling her that I was married, and I left her there alone. I continued to email her after she had email me and apologized for coming on to me. I continued to communicate with her and thinking that I was helping her and she was helping me, she was feeding my ego and it really felt good to have someone that seemed to like me. Well needless to say that my wife found out and we went to counseling and really was able to talk about and let out some of the things that we were holding back and we really made great strides in restoring our flame for one another. When I got caught I really came face to face with the possibility that I might loose my wife and it terrified me. I knew that was not what I wanted I did not want to loos her for any woman. Everything was great for 6 or 8 weeks and then I would think of this other girl and I start allowing myself to think about things like is she still thinking of me and does she still care about me, and all the time I am just having a wonderful time with my wife and everything is great. I would think more and more about this girl until one day I decided to call her to see how she was doing and try to tell her something about what had happened, and before you know it I was right back to talking to her agin and wanting to feel this feeling like she wanted me. I honestly know that if presented with the fact that if I could be with one or the other there wouldn't be any question I would choose my wife, especially with the progress that we have made lately. I don't know why I gave into this temptation and don't know why I was temped to, but I am glad that my wife found out again and that I will not stop until I found out why I decided to do this to my wife and my family and to me. The last thing I want to be is someone who cheats on someone, that is not who I am and that is not who I will be period.
D
Wow man that is some deep stuff. After reading that I can say that your wife does almost certainly love you, but some times things care wear you down. Especially if there is a lack of respect. Hopefully you talked to your wife about the reasons why you kept entertaining the idea of a relationship with that other girl. Yes, you were to blame for perusing her, but your martial problems lead to the situation.
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. It costs men lots of money to have an affair.
