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With the right approach, nobody is out of someone's league.
i think it's a fine perspective for an individual to have about himself or herself, but does it hold true at the extremes?
do you really think a fabulously wealthy 25 year old supermodel would be romantically inclined towards a mute homeless senior citizen with no arms, legs, or genetalia?
i think it's a fine perspective for an individual to have about himself or herself, but does it hold true at the extremes?
do you really think a fabulously wealthy 25 year old supermodel would be romantically inclined towards a mute homeless senior citizen with no arms, legs, or genetalia?
Well my fine feathered friend, every rule has exceptions.
This may come off sounding snobby (and I don't intend it to) but I've only thought of people as "beneath me" and never as "above me". It's not their lack of income, money or education, but more about their goals, values, interests and morals.
I would never want a criminal or someone looking for the easy way out. I could never be happy with someone who would be content to work at the same menial job, without growth, for the rest of his life. I wouldn't want someone who thought they have nothing left to learn or who wasn't intellectually curious.
I can't think of anything measurable (income, looks, educational achievement) that would make me feel that someone is unattainable to me, if we were ever to cross paths. OTOH, that doesn't mean they wouldn't think of me as being "beneath them".
Not snobby at all. I don't think it's unreasonable to match yourself with someone who shares the same goals and ambitions. It just makes sense.
My biggest thing is intelligence - not necessarily based on what education they've had but whether or not they are able to carry on an intellectual conversation or not. Being smart is a huge turn-on for me.
So then, I shouldn't tell ladies that I graduated from Arizona State University??
I can't think of anything measurable (income, looks, educational achievement) that would make me feel that someone is unattainable to me, if we were ever to cross paths. OTOH, that doesn't mean they wouldn't think of me as being "beneath them".
I don't know, though. I've been approached by some guys who make me think "what does he want?" because he's not my usual demographic. Not that he's automatically above me, but like Onglet said the other day, if Bradley Cooper came up to me and was flirting, I'd probably think I was being punked.
I'll give you two examples of couples comprised of people from different "leagues" but which are two of the happiest married couples I've ever known.
The first example has to do with appearance. This is a late-40s couple. They come from similar economic backgrounds (both from fairly wealthy families). He is 5'6" tall and very good looking. She is 6'0" tall and very homely. (Her homeliness has nothing to do with her height.) They are utterly smitten with each other, after 25 years of marriage, and each thinks the other is beautiful. If they'd judged on appearance when the first met, they never would have married nor even dated.
The second example has to do with economic/career differences. This is an early 50s couple. He has no post high school education, although he is very intelligent, and he works as a custodian at a middle school. She is CEO of a large company and is very high profile in the community. They, too, are one of the happiest couples I've known. (She's my best friend, so I'm privy to many details about their relationship.) He accompanies her to all of her fundraisers, banquets, award ceremonies, etc. and supports her 100%. She loves him for his high moral standards and everything else about his character. They are as much in love now as they were 30+ years ago.
It makes me sad that so many people judge others before they get to know them. I have a friend who has been online dating for over three years. She will not even consider a man who is not at least 5'10" tall. "I just need a taller man, to feel safe and protected in his arms," she says. Phooey! She's probably missing out on countless opportunities to meet wonderful men simply because of her height requirement.
I have another girlfriend who is also a CEO, of a hospital. When she is in the early stage of a relationship, she just tells her date that she works at a hospital. If the relationship progresses, then she tells them about her position at the hospital. But there have been many times when a man would not date her because he felt that a CEO was out of his league. Again, I say, "Phooey!"
Give people a chance, and they might surprise you!
I don't know, though. I've been approached by some guys who make me think "what does he want?" because he's not my usual demographic. Not that he's automatically above me, but like Onglet said the other day, if Bradley Cooper came up to me and was flirting, I'd probably think I was being punked.
I think celebrities in general are a whole different animal. I think they live on some alternate universe, where it's likely we don't even hold the same values or priorities.
Personally, if Bradley Cooper started flirting with me, I would be flattered. Maybe in his eyes I'm beneath him, but I don't think I am. To me, he's just a good-looking actor, who probably looks better than he really does to most, just because he is a celebrity.
This was discussed on another thread recently and I wanted to get some opinions on what some of you consider being out of one's league when matching up with a potential partner.
For me, I've never really subscribed to the idea that someone is too good looking for someone else to be with. When I think of leagues I'm thinking more in terms of overall compatibility, social circles, and in some cases education and status. An example of what I'm talking about would be:
A nerdy yet intelligent Bill Gates type (without the billions of dollars) pursuing someone like Kim Kardashian or Snooky from Jersey Shore. I would say he's casting his net way out of his league because of the glaring differences in social circles, lifestyle, and lack of common interests. He could be an attractive guy with six pack abs, but if his idea of a good time is attending Star Trek conventions and discussing quantum physics, he's not a good match for these ladies and they are out of his league or they may be out of his league if they were pursuing him.
So when you think of someone being out of their league while in pursuit of companionship, what comes to mind?
Oh dear GOD. Are we actually considering the possibility that "Snooky" is even in the same category as Kim Kardashian?
But is there a difference between following your preferences and being honest with yourself, and classifying people by leagues? I don't like the term league when I hear someone using it to say "You're crazy for chasing after her, she's gorgeous, way out of your league". That sort of thing I don't agree with. Now if I'm working the swing shift mopping floors at Target (not criticizing unskilled labor here, just making a point), and I set my sights on some Ivy League debutante living off of her trust fund while attending parties in Beverly Hills and whisking around in a Ferrari, I'm probably pursuing someone out of my league.
I agree. I think the actual phrase "out of your league" is so heirarchal somehow. I don't like the phrase nor the idea. I think though. that it is enforced by one's own perception of their matchability with someone else. Maybe enforceable by one's level of self-esteem...and the way you carry yourself inthe world.
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