I do not do those house wife things. (college, respects, brother)
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Marilyn French may appear confused at times, no-one has all the answers or lives a life of perfection. I think this is part of being a human rather than being a woman.
Ms French however, has said this of feminism;
She ends with a chapter on the future of feminism, in which she stresses its radical nature: that it is "a living entity," not a dogma, and one that offers an alternative model to top-down social organization. Feminism is often misunderstood; people think it is about putting women where men are now, but "the ultimate goal of feminism is to change society." The design is to create a cooperative world, a task that will not be achieved in a few generations; to do it we will have to free ourselves from the grip of history, from the assumptions of the societies in which we have grown up. The task is to convince the world that "sexism brings men . . . emotional and biological loss." She says, "feminism brings joy to people's heart-it is truly a gospel, a good news."
These are the basic tenets of feminism that I hold true, not the radical ivory tower nonsense spouted from the intelligentsia in Universities that both the common men and women despise.
These may well be the tenets YOU hold true, and that's admirable. The question is, what's practiced at large out there? Just as it's silly to call a Christian an automatic Bible-thumper, there's still a very, very good reason at the mention of Christianity people become wary and eyes tend to roll -- just as at the mention of Feminism, men squint slightly as though preparing for a physical blow.
I'd love to know what was contained where the ellipses are inserted in that last quote.
Wow, never expected this to be such a long conversation.
Just to catch a few up the original question I had was in reference to the idea that a less than one year married woman was bailing on her vows because she did not want to do the "wifey" things, ie:cooking meals, keeping a clean house, that he expected.
It's easy to make snap judgments about other people's relationships, but you don't really know what goes on it that house or what drove that couple to that point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7
My wonder is it just too easy to divorce today? My reference to dying to oneself is an old fashioned way to say put others before ourselves. Without some level of sacrifice are we going to allow the idea of marriage to fade away?
No, I don't think it's too easy to get a divorce. The people I know who are divorced went through a lengthy, expensive process. It's easier to get married.
If I have to die a little in my marriage, give me le petit mort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7
I have shared before that I would have missed out on a lifelong relationship if I bolted the first time I discovered that he did not know what the laundry basket was. I am 100% behind a woman having a career or achieving goals but that cannot override your commitment to your husband or children. Marriage is about love and love fosters love.
I was married in the Episcopalian church. Part of the ceremony involves the pastor asking the congregation whether they will support and help the new couple as they join the community. The congregation answers, "We will." I don't know whether you were married in church or have attended similar ceremonies, but I wonder whether those are mere words for the people who say them. This woman told you about her problematic marriage. Surely you know that most newlyweds hit all kinds of bumps as they adjust to this new life together. Did you try to help and counsel this woman, or did you simply scorn her to yourself and complain how nobody takes marriage seriously anymore?
I looove seeing a clean vacuumed carpet though. It's just our apartment is fully carpeted. It wouldn't be my first choice, I prefer wooden floors with just some carpets...but it's temporary.
Careful. I spend way more time cleaning our wood floors than I ever did with carpet.
justjulia - excellent comments. the judging that seems to have taken place in the mind of the OP is unfortunate. such attitudes are all to common at most churches i have attended, unfortunately. i'm glad that my xbox doesn't judge me when i spend my sunday morning playing video games.
Wow, never expected this to be such a long conversation.
Just to catch a few up the original question I had was in reference to the idea that a less than one year married woman was bailing on her vows because she did not want to do the "wifey" things, ie:cooking meals, keeping a clean house, that he expected.
My wonder is it just too easy to divorce today? My reference to dying to oneself is an old fashioned way to say put others before ourselves. Without some level of sacrifice are we going to allow the idea of marriage to fade away?
I have shared before that I would have missed out on a lifelong relationship if I bolted the first time I discovered that he did not know what the laundry basket was. I am 100% behind a woman having a career or achieving goals but that cannot override your commitment to your husband or children. Marriage is about love and love fosters love.
Perhaps the issue that the new wifey had was this (since we don't really have the whole story)....... Before marriage, the two of them had in depth conversations of how men and women should share household tasks, how it's only fair that if they're both working, it's insane for a husband to expect his wife to shoulder the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Once they got married (and hey, I've seen this scenario play out over and over again), wifey got stuck with the majority of the household chores. Worse yet? Hubby "expected" wifey to do those things and didn't bother to show gratitude when she did them. So many couples both work, and yet the woman's "days off" are spent catching up on housework, while the husband does whatever he wants on his "day off", because he's worked all week!
Unfortunately, people's attitudes have a tendency to reveal themselves. Quite often, when we "expect" others to do things, we forget to express our gratefulness to them for doing those things. Why? because they were expected.
A young lady, who just posted, expressed it very well indeed. You want your laundry done? You can't even be bothered to get it in the laundry basket......so? you expect your woman to go around picking up your dirty clothes AND wash them? It all boils down to this.....MUTUAL RESPECT AND CONSIDERATION!!! Let's look at it this way. Let's say hubby is the one who always mows the lawn. Let's even say that he likes having that lawn look beautiful and green.....the showplace of the block. Mowing his lawn should, theoretically, take him about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, his wife is constantly tossing the throw rugs out on it to air out and never remembers to bring them in. If a pot needs scrubbing, she sets it out there. She takes the kids out into the yard to play and then never puts away their toys, or even their jackets and shoes that they took off out there. She has a couple of little flower beds she likes to work in, but always leaves the tools and pots out in the yard.
Every time he mows that lawn, it turns into an hour and a half of his time (not to mention brown, dead spots in the grass). To make matters worse, his sanctuary (his workshop), seems to be getting the same way!!!!!! He puts his things away, she goes out to work on things and she doesn't clean up her mess or put the tools back where she got them. Mind you, this is the same guy who can't bring his dirty dishes to the sink or make a basket with his dirty clothes! Is there a difference? Yeah, I don't think so.
It's all a matter of mutual respect. I say, hats off to that woman for knowing, so early in the relationship, that she does not want to spend the rest of her life.....building resentment toward her mate, because she's "expected" to take care of a grown man. Caregiving is a two way street. Eventually it gets damn hard to give when only one cares.
It's easy to make snap judgments about other people's relationships, but you don't really know what goes on it that house or what drove that couple to that point.
No, I don't think it's too easy to get a divorce. The people I know who are divorced went through a lengthy, expensive process. It's easier to get married.
If I have to die a little in my marriage, give me le petit mort.
I was married in the Episcopalian church. Part of the ceremony involves the pastor asking the congregation whether they will support and help the new couple as they join the community. The congregation answers, "We will." I don't know whether you were married in church or have attended similar ceremonies, but I wonder whether those are mere words for the people who say them. This woman told you about her problematic marriage. Surely you know that most newlyweds hit all kinds of bumps as they adjust to this new life together. Did you try to help and counsel this woman, or did you simply scorn her to yourself and complain how nobody takes marriage seriously anymore?
No, it was an observation that I seem to see often in women in their twenties, I am just getting ready for my sons future marriages and with no daughter I was interested in if this was a common view. I would not have given her any advice because frankly she did not ask for any.
Perhaps the issue that the new wifey had was this (since we don't really have the whole story)....... Before marriage, the two of them had in depth conversations of how men and women should share household tasks, how it's only fair that if they're both working, it's insane for a husband to expect his wife to shoulder the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Once they got married (and hey, I've seen this scenario play out over and over again), wifey got stuck with the majority of the household chores. Worse yet? Hubby "expected" wifey to do those things and didn't bother to show gratitude when she did them. So many couples both work, and yet the woman's "days off" are spent catching up on housework, while the husband does whatever he wants on his "day off", because he's worked all week!
Unfortunately, people's attitudes have a tendency to reveal themselves. Quite often, when we "expect" others to do things, we forget to express our gratefulness to them for doing those things. Why? because they were expected.
A young lady, who just posted, expressed it very well indeed. You want your laundry done? You can't even be bothered to get it in the laundry basket......so? you expect your woman to go around picking up your dirty clothes AND wash them? It all boils down to this.....MUTUAL RESPECT AND CONSIDERATION!!! Let's look at it this way. Let's say hubby is the one who always mows the lawn. Let's even say that he likes having that lawn look beautiful and green.....the showplace of the block. Mowing his lawn should, theoretically, take him about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, his wife is constantly tossing the throw rugs out on it to air out and never remembers to bring them in. If a pot needs scrubbing, she sets it out there. She takes the kids out into the yard to play and then never puts away their toys, or even their jackets and shoes that they took off out there. She has a couple of little flower beds she likes to work in, but always leaves the tools and pots out in the yard.
Every time he mows that lawn, it turns into an hour and a half of his time (not to mention brown, dead spots in the grass). To make matters worse, his sanctuary (his workshop), seems to be getting the same way!!!!!! He puts his things away, she goes out to work on things and she doesn't clean up her mess or put the tools back where she got them. Mind you, this is the same guy who can't bring his dirty dishes to the sink or make a basket with his dirty clothes! Is there a difference? Yeah, I don't think so.
It's all a matter of mutual respect. I say, hats off to that woman for knowing, so early in the relationship, that she does not want to spend the rest of her life.....building resentment toward her mate, because she's "expected" to take care of a grown man. Caregiving is a two way street. Eventually it gets damn hard to give when only one cares.
Ok, that pretty much sums it up
Without visiting your profile, care to give your age range?
BTW all three sons have done their own laundry since around the age of 12 each, can cook a mean omelet, spaghetti bolognese, and chef salad. I am hoping that some good women will appreciate them and not mind returning the favor.
Ok, that pretty much sums it up
Without visiting your profile, care to give your age range?
BTW all three sons have done their own laundry since around the age of 12 each, can cook a mean omelet, spaghetti bolognese, and chef salad. I am hoping that some good women will appreciate them and not mind returning the favor.
If only more people raised their sons like this!!!
If only more people raised their sons like this!!!
Lead by example, my husband is kind to me and appreciates me, I respect him and by my example the boys respect him and myself.
Not always a bed of roses, there have been times the waves were splashing over the boat but four people can bail faster than one. I am glad for the choices I made. Just was harder to divorce back in the day and I am sure that prevented me from making a mistake.
Thanks for your kind remark. There are happy ever afters.
justjulia - excellent comments. the judging that seems to have taken place in the mind of the OP is unfortunate. such attitudes are all to common at most churches i have attended, unfortunately. i'm glad that my xbox doesn't judge me when i spend my sunday morning playing video games.
World of Warcraft here LOL!
I have a selection of different days I can go to mass....
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I am 100% behind a woman having a career or achieving goals but that cannot override your commitment to your husband or children. Marriage is about love and love fosters love.
It's just our apartment is fully carpeted. It wouldn't be my first choice, I prefer wooden floors with just some carpets...but it's temporary.
