Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Of course drama starting isn't gender specific, and if your boyfriend thinks in those terms, he clearly has very little respect for women, or men, for that matter.
VG, truth time here: you aren't fooling anyone. In reply to what I'm about to type, you can deny, laugh off, insist it's just curiosity on your part or whatever helps you to believe you still *are* fooling people (including yourself), but I'm just going to say it.
Gathering "evidence" that your BF is wrong *will not change his mind*. Period. You *can not* get a lot of strangers to agree with all sorts of details about your relationship in which you're in the "right" and your BF is in the "wrong," and hope to achieve any sort of satisfaction. Why? Because...
a) If you tell your BF, "But the whole world disagrees with you," it will only make him LESS inclined to listen to you in the future; it will turn him off yet more.
b) If you don't tell your BF anything but secretly think you're "right" and he's "wrong," it will turn YOU off yet more.
c) No matter who "agrees" with you, on what issue or issues, you and your BF are still on two completely different wavelengths and it is time to say good-bye. No "proof" in the world of you being right and him being wrong about any subject will change the essence of what each of you is, believes in, etc. inside. No validation for you will change the fact that you are in a bad relationship.
d) If what you're doing is looking for validation so that you feel you "can" leave him, you don't need it. You're an adult. You don't need to prove to the world that you had every right to leave your BF. You had that right no matter what. You are an adult.
VG, truth time here: you aren't fooling anyone. In reply to what I'm about to type, you can deny, laugh off, insist it's just curiosity on your part or whatever helps you to believe you still *are* fooling people (including yourself), but I'm just going to say it.
Gathering "evidence" that your BF is wrong *will not change his mind*. Period. You *can not* get a lot of strangers to agree with all sorts of details about your relationship in which you're in the "right" and your BF is in the "wrong," and hope to achieve any sort of satisfaction. Why? Because...
a) If you tell your BF, "But the whole world disagrees with you," it will only make him LESS inclined to listen to you in the future; it will turn him off yet more.
b) If you don't tell your BF anything but secretly think you're "right" and he's "wrong," it will turn YOU off yet more.
c) No matter who "agrees" with you, on what issue or issues, you and your BF are still on two completely different wavelengths and it is time to say good-bye. No "proof" in the world of you being right and him being wrong about any subject will change the essence of what each of you is, believes in, etc. inside. No validation for you will change the fact that you are in a bad relationship.
d) If what you're doing is looking for validation so that you feel you "can" leave him, you don't need it. You're an adult. You don't need to prove to the world that you had every right to leave your BF. You had that right no matter what. You are an adult.
I gotta say.. the more you learn to communicate the less drama there will be.. however, with that said.. there are some people who would prefer to create drama then talk it out..
I truly believe that this has been instilled in them to create drama rather then deal with it by communication.
I find it interesting that you make a blanket statement about women needing to express our feelings. I am female and I prefer to avoid talking about feelings. It just does not suit my personality. I would rather just let it lie.
I agree with this, just as I think his "WE don't want to talk about feelings" is a bunch of horse puke.
VG, you are both wrong. Relationships don't come with drama and women aren't the only ones who create it.
It is really difficult to not point out the obvious when you post so much that is wrong with him. I am really praying for you. The deeper he sinks you, the harder it will be for you to crawl out of that pit you're in. Before you know it, you're 87 years old holding your teeth in one hand and slapping yourself with the other.
It is definitely not gender specific. From my experience, it is about not knowing who to go to when you have something to say. It is also about not stopping and saying "does that person need to know this or do they want to know this?"
Typically, if you want somebody to agree with you, you need to go to the person who has done this in the past. I have a friend like this. Its not that she is agreeable because she can't think for herself. Its that, she can smell drama or sense when a person doesn't want to hear alternative opinions.
If you want somebody to debate you, then you debate with people who have no problem disagreeing but there is more to be said about this. The problem with this is that drama often results when you debate a person who doesn't care about your opinion. They are always right.
Perhaps you are the one who doesn't respect the opinion of others. If this is the case, more than likely, a mature person will recognize this about you and not even enter a debate with you. They may even avoid you. You are pretty much left with people like yourself to choose from.
When it comes to relationships, what I have learned from CD is to treat what my man has to say as "gold" and when he says something stupid, just nod and go and find something to clean. If he wants a different opinion, he will ask for it but the drama radar has to switched to "on".
Leave it out. I wasn’t asking about my bf’s reaction, I was asking for opinions on the statement he made. Do you think women create drama in relationships?
Well I can conclusively state that you create drama in your relationship. You report that you are a woman. Following very simple Logic - Women create drama. Also following Logic, you are an individual belonging to the Class - women. The class of women is made up of 3.5 Billion individual women. To get to a answer for all those women will take study.
Since behavior is both learned and innate you would need to determine which Drama creation springs from. Are women birthed with the need to create Drama? I purpose we raise 1000 women children in total isolation from all outside influences. At their age of maturity we will introduce them to 1000 men that were likely raised. We will than monitor their relationships to see whether drama ensues.
I am happy to head up this study if the required funds can be raised.
From my experience, it is about not knowing who to go to when you have something to say. It is also about not stopping and saying "does that person need to know this or do they want to know this?"
Right on. I have a friend with this problem. She always talks about herself like everyone is interested in hearing about her current issues... Thing is, she talks to EVERYBODY BESIDES THE PERSON SHE NEEDS TO!
She always has somethin goin on..And when she doesn't, I don't hear from her at all, and I thank my lucky stars that all is quiet on the eastern front!
The only way there will never be drama in a relationship is if both people completely accept each other for who they are and don't expect ANY change, no matter how minute, from each other.
Of course, that's an impossible couple to find because we all have expectations.
But, in answer to the original question, I think that women in general are more apt to create drama than men. Men usually have to adjust themselves to the woman they are with if they care to stay with her. If they don't care whether she stays or not, men don't bend. Those are the guys that usually have more than one woman openly or otherwise.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
