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I have to marvel at the fragile egos of men who would rather have less overall than to "put up with" a wife who earns more money than they do. But then, the way I see it -- being the resident "man-hater", of course -- is that regardless of who earns what, it's our money and our wealth; and the more financial freedom we have, the better. In a true partnership, what difference does it make which partner earns more? But of course, men like that don't see marriage as a partnership. They view themselves as "CEO's" and their wives as "employees", rather than co-owners of the enterprise; "employees" who can be demoted, fired, and ordered about. They can't stand the idea that a wife can have achievements of her own, rather than just live vicariously through her husband and do as she's told. They believe that in an "old-fashioned" marriage, respect from one spouse towards another is directly proportional to their respective earnings, and that the higher-earning spouse therefore is entitled to more respect and consideration than the lower-earning one; that the higher-earning spouse in a sense "owns" the marriage, all of its assets, and the other spouse. That's the source of their contradictory complaint: whining that women take advantage of men's money and simultaneously whining that women who don't thereby "emasculate" men. Whatssamatter, Northside? Don't know how to behave towards a wife who earns more than you do? Can't tell her off anymore? Can't lay down the law? Can't issue ultimatums? Can't constantly remind her that she owes you unquestioning obedience because you earn more money? Indeed, who the hell IS she to use her higher earnings as a weapon in an argument, when it's YOUR prerogative to do so?
As stated before, I'm old-fashioned in some instances. Growing up, my father made twice as much as my mom (although my mom and dad had similar education-both parents had grad degrees) and always stressed the importance of a man being the leader of his household, which includes making the most dough. That's a view that I'll most likely hold for the rest of my life and I make no apologies for it If my wife should make more than me, obviously there's nothing I can do about that and would have to get used to it....If everything else is on point in our relationship, then something as minor as finances is simply something I'll have to deal with.
Im not seeing where leader of the hh has anything to do with income level. Is it like whoever dies with the most stuff, wins.
When I was growing up my mother didnt work outside the home. The only women I knew that did were young wifes with no kids or divorced women. Dad was definately head of the house and made sure everyone knew it. By the time I was in HS we moved and mom got a job. I dont think it set well with Dad because mom became independant. She no longer had to ask for a few bucks or squirrel away grocery money to buy something special.
Perceptions. We both grew up in traditional household yet we define leadership on different terms.
I have to marvel at the fragile egos of men who would rather have less overall than to "put up with" a wife who earns more money than they do. But then, the way I see it -- being the resident "man-hater", of course -- is that regardless of who earns what, it's our money and our wealth; and the more financial freedom we have, the better. In a true partnership, what difference does it make which partner earns more? But of course, men like that don't see marriage as a partnership. They view themselves as "CEO's" and their wives as "employees", rather than co-owners of the enterprise; "employees" who can be demoted, fired, and ordered about. They can't stand the idea that a wife can have achievements of her own, rather than just live vicariously through her husband and do as she's told. They believe that in an "old-fashioned" marriage, respect from one spouse towards another is directly proportional to their respective earnings, and that the higher-earning spouse therefore is entitled to more respect and consideration than the lower-earning one; that the higher-earning spouse in a sense "owns" the marriage, all of its assets, and the other spouse. That's the source of their contradictory complaint: whining that women take advantage of men's money and simultaneously whining that women who don't thereby "emasculate" men. Whatssamatter, Northside? Don't know how to behave towards a wife who earns more than you do? Can't tell her off anymore? Can't lay down the law? Can't issue ultimatums? Can't constantly remind her that she owes you unquestioning obedience because you earn more money? Indeed, who the hell IS she to use her higher earnings as a weapon in an argument, when it's YOUR prerogative to do so?
You do sound like a man hater. Now another question for you. What would you do if your husband did not work at all and you were the only breadwinner? Let's say that he spent little to nothing on himself.
You do sound like a man hater. Now another question for you. What would you do if your husband did not work at all and you were the only breadwinner? Let's say that he spent little to nothing on himself.
What I would do? I guess I'd go on working as I always have, and support our family. If he wanted to stay at home to take care of the house and the kids, and we could swing it on my income alone, fine. And if he didn't, fine. As long as he spent his time productively, it wouldn't make a difference to me. I wouldn't expect him to take a backseat to my aspirations in order to shore up my self-esteem, nor would I lord over him because I am the breadwinner. You know, because I hate men so much.
What I would do? I guess I'd go on working as I always have, and support our family. If he wanted to stay at home to take care of the house and the kids, and we could swing it on my income alone, fine. And if he didn't, fine. As long as he spent his time productively, it wouldn't make a difference to me. I wouldn't expect him to take a backseat to my aspirations in order to shore up my self-esteem, nor would I lord over him because I am the breadwinner. You know, because I hate men so much.
When I was married, my now ex husband always tried to use that against me by putting himself in a self pity position ("I'm a disgrace of a man, my wife makes more than I do, I'm just a low rank sailor, while she has three jobs on top of the navy reserve, that give her good money"; he always tried to made me feel bad for having more money than him).
I'm so happy I don't have to put with that on daily basis, but I still encountered with me that feel intimidated by the fact that I make more money.
No problem with the wife making more money when the relationship is good. If you are a woman in a relationship and you are making the money, take the time to think seriously about whether you want to marry someone who makes significantly less. In the event that the love fades, so will much of YOUR money.
I have to marvel at the fragile egos of men who would rather have less overall than to "put up with" a wife who earns more money than they do. But then, the way I see it -- being the resident "man-hater", of course -- is that regardless of who earns what, it's our money and our wealth; and the more financial freedom we have, the better. In a true partnership, what difference does it make which partner earns more? But of course, men like that don't see marriage as a partnership. They view themselves as "CEO's" and their wives as "employees", rather than co-owners of the enterprise; "employees" who can be demoted, fired, and ordered about. They can't stand the idea that a wife can have achievements of her own, rather than just live vicariously through her husband and do as she's told. They believe that in an "old-fashioned" marriage, respect from one spouse towards another is directly proportional to their respective earnings, and that the higher-earning spouse therefore is entitled to more respect and consideration than the lower-earning one; that the higher-earning spouse in a sense "owns" the marriage, all of its assets, and the other spouse. That's the source of their contradictory complaint: whining that women take advantage of men's money and simultaneously whining that women who don't thereby "emasculate" men. Whatssamatter, Northside? Don't know how to behave towards a wife who earns more than you do? Can't tell her off anymore? Can't lay down the law? Can't issue ultimatums? Can't constantly remind her that she owes you unquestioning obedience because you earn more money? Indeed, who the hell IS she to use her higher earnings as a weapon in an argument, when it's YOUR prerogative to do so?
I'm all for the misses having her own achievements, in fact I'll support her every step of the way because that's what a man is supposed to do. When one shines, both shine. As stated before, should the misses end up making more than me then oh well....I can't do anything about that and frankly won't try to. I'll just accept it and keep rolling because as long as the relationship as a whole is prospering, I'm not going to be such a clown to let money destroy a beautiful thing. At the same time, I'm not naive enough not to think that spouses won't use finances as a weapon against the other should things turn sour. In a sense, the higher-earning spouse does have more power in a marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
If you feel that way your wife shouldn’t work at all. Really, how egotistical is that, honey its ok if you work but don’t make more money than me because Im the chief, the commander in charge and how would that look to other men if my woman made more money than I. But its ok for her to work perhaps part time (because she’s still chief cook and bottle washer, right) at some low paying grunt job to earn just enough to buy her purty things.
Sounds like you and the ppl you know (apparently, most of the women that earn more than their husbands) are very insecure and petty. I know many women including myself that make more money than their SO and have never and would not be so petty as to use it as a weapon. A relationship is not a competition, it is a partnership and if this is the way a person feels their relationship is doomed from the get go.
That's good, some women aren't like you In this day & time, it's mandatory for both husband and wife to work unless one or the other has a 6-figure job and the family can survive on one income (therefore having one person keeping the house in order) Understand this....I'm all for the misses bettering herself and will have her back 100% BUT....if she lets her success get to her head and starts rubbing it in my face about how she's doing better than me this that and the third, it's a wrap for her. I don't have issue with women making more than their SOs, I have issue with women making more than their SOs that hold it over his head every chance they get.
I don't have issue with women making more than their SOs, I have issue with women making more than their SOs that hold it over his head every chance they get.
Wouldn't you say that people, regardless of gender, would take issue with this type of behavior in general?
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If my wife should make more than me, obviously there's nothing I can do about that and would have to get used to it....If everything else is on point in our relationship, then something as minor as finances is simply something I'll have to deal with.
In this day & time, it's mandatory for both husband and wife to work unless one or the other has a 6-figure job and the family can survive on one income (therefore having one person keeping the house in order) Understand this....I'm all for the misses bettering herself and will have her back 100% BUT....if she lets her success get to her head and starts rubbing it in my face about how she's doing better than me this that and the third, it's a wrap for her. I don't have issue with women making more than their SOs, I have issue with women making more than their SOs that hold it over his head every chance they get.
