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Definitely agree. And make sure you find the right therapist - many offer a free consultation on the phone. We went to a therapist that was both a marriage counselor and a divorce counselor. I guess he saw more money in a potential divorce with us, since he offered his divorce counseling services heavily during our first (and only) meeting. Since I was there to SAVE my marriage, that was obviously not a good match.
How was there more money for him if you and your husband divorced?
I have been begging mine to do this, and she won't. I don't think she wants to hear anything other than her side.
This is why I have given up on the marriage.
Counseling is a great idea. There's a good chance it will work.
If not, start getting ready. The first thing you have to do is start working outside the home. This will also give you a lot more perspective on how your life will change if you divorce.
I'll look into that is code for "Good idea, but I don't want to work THAT hard."...
Don't look into it--GO DO IT! I'm not Catholic, but even my church has dedicated counselors. I put off going for so long because I thought the only people who went to see counselors were crazies. Turns out, even us psychologically sound ones need to have someone to talk to every once in a while.
You said your lives are so busy, yet you both have time to watch TV in separate rooms?
Seriously, get off the couch and go talk to him. Your problems will not be solved with simply having good intentions--you need to put those intentions into action!
Sorry if I'm being blunt here, but there's no use in sugar coating this type of stuff. Divorce is serious business! No one should toss it around lightly.
Best advice posted so far! IMO, the OP sounds extremely spoiled with her snooty attitude of how hard life is because she has to shuffle 2 kids around all week to their activities and because she "only" gets sex twice a month. Lady, you don't know the definition of hard. This man, who's the bread winner, should be able to come home to a hot meal cooked BY YOU (somehow I get the feeling you bring home take-out most nights) and afterward be able to relax in front of the tv.
It would be different if both of you worked. The chores would be equal as in you cook and he clean up or vice-versa. However, since you don't work it's your job to keep up the house, him, and your kid's activities.
One last thing, you call yourself a Catholic but yet you post how you are ready to divorce just because you're not getting your way? I hope you weren't Catholic when you took vows.
You think you have problems now??? Just separate and divorce, THEN you'll find out just what real problems are.
Look, your guy is a good dad, works hard to provide for you and your family, isn't cheating on you - this is the kind of marriage that is definitely worth saving.
So, he's taking you for granted and you are bored and need some attention - a good marriage counselor can save you from the train wreck you are heading for, IF you contact one now.
I agree with lovesMountains. Seek counseling like so many posters have already advised!!!!
He may be stressed out two!!!! Working and supporting a family in today's world solely is a difficult thing to do.
I know staying at home is no piece of cake either!!! Running a household and basically raising the children yourself is also stressful!!
Plan a date night, find someone to care for the children. Even if you go to a park to walk, hold his hand and talk to each other instead of watching TV in separate rooms, communicate with each other, share the details of each others days, look forward to seeing him when he comes home from work and I'm sure he'll return the jester with pleasure!!!
Just remember why you two fell in love to begin with, 22 years together is a long time!!!!
How was there more money for him if you and your husband divorced?
You reaaaaaaaally had to know the situation. My ex had some MAJOR problems. The therapist offered to walk us both through the divorce, individually. He told us this at our first, and only, meeting. We hadn't even brought up divorce, yet; we were there for marriage counseling!
Counseling is a great idea. There's a good chance it will work.
If not, start getting ready. The first thing you have to do is start working outside the home. This will also give you a lot more perspective on how your life will change if you divorce.
This is what happened to my sister and her husband. She wanted to be the perfect stay-at-home wife and mother. All day with 3 young kids, no adult conversation so she would look forward to her husband coming home from work. He'd come home stressed and tired and just want to eat dinner, then crack open a beer and he'd fall asleep in front of the television. Every day was the same routine, every evening she'd go through the same thing.
Finally she did just that - she realized she could not live her whole life this way, she said thinking about day after day always the same was excruciating. She realized she needed a career in order to divorce and told her husband she had to go to school. He was supportive - not realizing that she was making plans for a solo future.
She got into her studies. She got out of the house. Around other adults for good conversation and missed her kids but enjoyed her time away each day. She first went part time for nursing but when she got into the clinicals it became all day and she found herself looking forward to just going home, eating dinner, and then cracking open a beer and falling asleep in front of the television.
She said working was what saved her marriage. For one there was less money pressure. But more important she says is that she was looking to her tired husband for everything and what changed wasn't him at all, but herself.
This is what happened to my sister and her husband. She wanted to be the perfect stay-at-home wife and mother. All day with 3 young kids, no adult conversation so she would look forward to her husband coming home from work. He'd come home stressed and tired and just want to eat dinner, then crack open a beer and he'd fall asleep in front of the television. Every day was the same routine, every evening she'd go through the same thing.
Finally she did just that - she realized she could not live her whole life this way, she said thinking about day after day always the same was excruciating. She realized she needed a career in order to divorce and told her husband she had to go to school. He was supportive - not realizing that she was making plans for a solo future.
She got into her studies. She got out of the house. Around other adults for good conversation and missed her kids but enjoyed her time away each day. She first went part time for nursing but when she got into the clinicals it became all day and she found herself looking forward to just going home, eating dinner, and then cracking open a beer and falling asleep in front of the television.
She said working was what saved her marriage. For one there was less money pressure. But more important she says is that she was looking to her tired husband for everything and what changed wasn't him at all, but herself.
Best advice EVER.
Thanks for sharing with us
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