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Your take on it is a tad simplistic. People "cheat" to get their needs met - because they are not being met in the primary relationship. It is not rational behavior. I doubt few people say, "I think I want to screw up my family now and make my wife miserable when she ultimately finds out."
It is just "acting out" and getting needs met. There could be hundreds of "reasons."
It is not "normal" for humans to be monogamous for 50 years or whatever.
This is a great post and very true.
Even if men/women don't give their partners a reason to cheat, it will eventually happen as we are only human.
We are evolving and finding that marriage in an antiquated idea that will eventually reach its demise.
lol my brother says this all the time. He lies to his girlfriend because he knows the truth would hurt her feelings but he tells the truth to his side pieces cause he couldn't care less if their feelings were hurt or not
Your take on it is a tad simplistic. People "cheat" to get their needs met - because they are not being met in the primary relationship. It is not rational behavior. I doubt few people say, "I think I want to screw up my family now and make my wife miserable when she ultimately finds out."
It is just "acting out" and getting needs met. There could be hundreds of "reasons."
It is not "normal" for humans to be monogamous for 50 years or whatever.
First of all, it is not considered abnormal for people to be monogamous for 50 years, when human and animal bonding behaviors and slow birth rates (compared to non-monogamous animals) suggest that this is a spectrum of natural events. Most of the old people in my family have been monogamous after a first marriage (and in many instances after a first relationship) so it is not a fact. It might be cultural, sure. But it is absolutely normal to be in and to want long-term monogamous relationships.
Secondly, being polyamorous within a relationship does NOT mean that you have to lie, cheat, and be unfaithful. That is what open marriages and swinger lifestyles are for. The selfishness of cheaters cannot be confused with a "need".
Complexity is just rationalization in the end. The worst cheaters and liars always pride themselves on their complexity.
Not telling somebody about your crappy behavior takes away their power to make decisions about the relationship based on facts. If somebody omits information in a financial transaction, it would be called a fraud. The reason why people omit information is based on manipulation and selfishness. There is no favor in it.
How do you happen to KNOW the people in your family have been monogamous? People who want to preserve long relationships might not go blabbing to everyone in the family about their indiscretions.
Do you know how many "secrets" old-timers have? Abortions, babies given up for adoption, aunts raising the sister's kids, etc. Don't think people are as "snow white" as they might portray themselves to be.
They always say things like “it would have only hurt you”.
Right.
If they were sooooo worried about hurting their girls, why did they cheat AND LIE in the first place?
I am not denying that I would definitely end things if I was cheated on. Once the trust is gone, that’s it, but it takes a lot of courage for a man to be a man and confess.
How do they sleep at night? My God, my conscience would eat me up inside.
Yes I know women cheat too, but I’m asking about men and this thing they seem to see as some kind of a justification.
It's not a a gender thing. My ex - wife did this too me and I know a ton of women who cheat like this as well.
The real motivation behind someone who constantly lies about their cheating is security and selfishness.
Like another poster said, its about what they want.
They have no feelings for you at all; they only see you as something to fall back on.
There are different types of cheaters but what your talking about is the kind I call the serial cheater.
Serial cheaters from the moment they enter a relationship have it in their mind there going to cheat. They paint a false picture for their significant other and start to spin a web of lies from the very beginning.
These people are apathetic, selfish, narcissistic, and manipulative individuals. It's actually kind of creepy. Some even have a deep rooted psychological problem. I dug really deep into why my wife constantly cheated and lied to me. She tried to own me and she seen me as her property. She's actually sociopathic because she was traumatized by past incidents.
Serial cheaters will never be faithful to anyone and they will betray you if someone else presents themselves as a better partner. They are constantly searching for someone who can better satisfy their own selfish desires and be a better floormat then the last.
By far the serial cheater is the worst type of cheater because the whole relationship is a lie. I know someone who does this and he could never be my friend. Never befriendanyone who is a serial cheater.
THEY CARE ABOUT NO ONE BUT THEMSELVES. They are back-stabbers, manipulators, and most of all smart. Very dangerous kind of people to hang around.
The person I know who cheats on his girl like this also had sex with one of his friends girls and quite possibly my ex wife herself.
You're missing the fact that it is often not planned, and not rational. There is not a prescribed plan when one is cheating. People get caught up in the moment . . . in the excitement, in the intrigue . . .
The way you are thinking about it is making life so tidy, wrapped up in little boxes, but it is actually very messy . . . people meet people they didn't know they were going to meet and have feelings and reactions they didn't anticipate . . .
Most people realize the spouse who is being cheated on is not going to be happy about it, so why would you RUSH to tell them . . . you might not know where the indiscretion is going to go . . . maybe it will be a one-time thing, maybe it will be a life-long relationship. In the beginning nothing is known, so it would be a little premature to tell the wife, "Hey, I met someone I fooled around with and I want to see where it's going to go." THAT would be crazy and premature.
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