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Right on. I do have one chronic cheater in my family and her behavior corroborates everything you say. I've tried to reason with her but she always says that a) anyone who is cheated on or easily manipulated deserved it because they were too stupid, b) and even more stupid when they forgive her. You can tell how sorry she is... :P
And the reason she won't tell people about her cheating is not because she feels bad, she just wants to have her cake and eat it too... and she laughs sheepishly when the guys find out, like "oops haha I got caught" instead of being truly contrite. As if it is some sort of game to her.
Thank you! Finally someone else who has answered the question I asked. I don’t want to know about human monogamy or why people cheat.
I answered your question specifically in every post including the first. They don't tell because they are douches who don't care and are manipulative. I hope it is more clear that I tried to answer now, I'm not trying to sidetrack ...
I answered your question specifically in every post including the first. They don't tell because they are douches who don't care and are manipulative. I hope it is more clear that I tried to answer now, I'm not trying to sidetrack ...
Guys cheat, becuase it makes 'em feel youthful and free again, life is short. It's a kind of rush. Something new in a monotonous life.
And why would a guy tell on himself? who would want the drama?, but alas women are like detectives and usually can put the pieces together, especially if the guy is a habitual cheater. I know, I know, "but what about her feelings" or "what about your vows". What about 'em, they have nothing to do with cheating. If I was to cheat on my wife, it doesn't change the fact that she's my wife and is thus by far a higher priority than the mistress(s), the other stuff is just for fun, like going hunting.
In some culture it's considered normal for a successful man to have a wife and a mistress, at least one. It's just that American women are so damn insecure, and America is a thoroughly feminized country.
If I was to cheat on my wife, it doesn't change the fact that she's my wife and is thus by far a higher priority than the mistress(s), the other stuff is just for fun, like going hunting.
Right on. I do have one chronic cheater in my family and her behavior corroborates everything you say. I've tried to reason with her but she always says that a) anyone who is cheated on or easily manipulated deserved it because they were too stupid, b) and even more stupid when they forgive her. You can tell how sorry she is... :P
And the reason she won't tell people about her cheating is not because she feels bad, she just wants to have her cake and eat it too... and she laughs sheepishly when the guys find out, like "oops haha I got caught" instead of being truly contrite. As if it is some sort of game to her.
And yes, she cheats on almost everything else in life as well...
It sounds to me she enjoys hurting guys.
There's a deeper problem here too cause this. She must have had her heart broken or experience something traumatic.
In some culture it's considered normal for a successful man to have a wife and a mistress, at least one. It's just that American women are so damn insecure, and America is a thoroughly feminized country.
The point is, it's just not fair. Dude can have another woman, but won't tolerate the woman having another man?! Come on now.
In some culture it's considered normal for a successful man to have a wife and a mistress, at least one. It's just that American women are so damn insecure, and America is a thoroughly feminized country.
You call that insecurity? It's about culture just like you already said.
I definitely wouldn't want a wife that was comfortable with the idea of me having a mistress.
You're missing the fact that it is often not planned, and not rational. There is not a prescribed plan when one is cheating. People get caught up in the moment . . . in the excitement, in the intrigue . . .
The way you are thinking about it is making life so tidy, wrapped up in little boxes, but it is actually very messy . . . people meet people they didn't know they were going to meet and have feelings and reactions they didn't anticipate . . .
Most people realize the spouse who is being cheated on is not going to be happy about it, so why would you RUSH to tell them . . . you might not know where the indiscretion is going to go . . . maybe it will be a one-time thing, maybe it will be a life-long relationship. In the beginning nothing is known, so it would be a little premature to tell the wife, "Hey, I met someone I fooled around with and I want to see where it's going to go." THAT would be crazy and premature.
That all sounds like such an excuse though. I meet tons of people I'm attracted to and have chemistry with, but because I have principles I do NOT hurtle myself headlong into a vortex of carnal desires and emotional fantasies! I also do not fool myself with the sense of entitlement that I can "try out" this new relationship while keep it a secret, just in case I want to switch partners in the future. It's just being weak-minded, escapist, and selfish. What is crazy is when the wife finds out you've been cheating, the mistress finds out you are married, and then you lose everything. I don't think there is any way somebody could justify not telling a partner of their indiscretions by saying that they didn't want to rock the boat. Basically, it still comes down to selfishness. But if somebody is contrite and tells me about a mistake they made, then there is hope for mending the situation. I think guys don't tell because they don't want there to be any "situation".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veyron
It sounds to me she enjoys hurting guys.
There's a deeper problem here too cause this. She must have had her heart broken or experience something traumatic.
Nah, she never did... she did all the heartbreaking. I wish somebody would come along and crush her though. She really has no excuse for treating guys like crap and it makes me sick. I am thinking about ruining her engagement to save the guy from future pain, but at the same time it's difficult to justify meddling on such a grand scale.
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It's about culture just like you already said. 
