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Do I approve? I don't really approve or disapprove of it. I don't think it's immoral, and I understand why some people want to do it. I wouldn't do it--that's as much as I can say.
So what was it that you did, or do we have to guess?
We lived together before marriage.
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Originally Posted by max's mama
Well, apparently there are studies outthere which show that couples who cohabitated prior to marriage are more likely to get divorced,
This is true but I think in general, the kind of people who are opposed to cohabiting before marriage are also the kind of people who are opposed to divorce so exactly how many of these "successful" marriages where there was no prior cohabitation are actually happy ones and how many stay together because they oppose divorce (or even "for the kids")? That's not to say people who do not cohabit before marriage are doomed to an unhappy marriage - I'm sure there are plenty of happily married couples who did not cohabit before marriage. But the statistics unfortunately don't differentiate between those couples and the unhappy ones who stay together anyway. I'm just saying we shouldn't always take statistics at face value.
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however, cohabitating worked for us and our relationship perfectly. I can't imagine marrying someone without trying to live with that person first, but that is just me. There is no right or wrong answer here.
Of course I was addressing the OP's assertions but, just to make a point where research and studies are concerned, I could google, "world not round study proof university" and find a wealth of references to wade through which "prove" that point.
LOL - yeah but these actually give you the links to the studies - University of Denver, Columbia University, a Canadian study, etc.
(PS. I have always suspected the world really IS flat, now I can find out for sure! )
I am totally for living together before marriage with the thought of "try before you buy"....I think if more people would get to know each other very well before they married, we'd have a lot less divorce.
And again, those couples who live together before marriage have a statistically (and practically) significant higher rate of marital dissatisfaction and divorce.... So your point about divorce is invalidated, and your argument fails to match up with reality.
Ok so here's some reality.
I was dating a man some years ago. We decided to get engaged. I was okay with living together and I am a Christian. He was not okay with it. He is a Christian and so is his whole family.
I respected his wishes because I truly loved him. We didn't live together or even spend a SINGLE night together until we were married.
I knew he liked video games and hanging out with his friends on Sunday afternoons. He was huge into his family so that was a plus.
So we get married.
Within a month, I find that he spends every waking moment on his Xbox or Playstation. Not only will he not help clean at all, he doesn't know how. He doesn't even pick up after himself. Leaves hair on the sink after shaving, leaves plates and glasses wherever they land, pretty much just lazy. He watches porn constantly and then likes to get his rocks off to me, EW!
He never EVER wants to go with me to visit my family(who live 45 minutes away) so I have to go once a week BY MYSELF to visit them. He is constantly visiting his family(who live 15 minutes away) and even got mad like heated at me the one time I didn't go with him to visit his family because I was sick. He wasn't there for me when my grandfather died. Not emotionally, mentally, or physically. That right there was the beginning of the end for me.
We were looking for houses to buy. He picked a house 5 minutes from his mom and dad's house that was brand new with 1600 square foot and a basement on 1 acre for $160,000. He was dead set on this house. Yet, I found a brand new house with 1700 square foot with a double garage, no basement on an acre and a half for $90,000 that was almost exactly halfway between his parents and my parents. Nooooo he wanted the smaller, more expensive, closer to his parent's, house!
So, the moral to my story is REALITY!! Had I lived with my now EX HUSBAND, for even say 2 months before we got married, there wouldn't have been a marriage or a divorce.
So let me get this straight,
1) Living with someone(even without fornication) before marriage is a sin.. Right?
2) Living with someone with fornication before marriage is 2 sins.. Right?
3) Divorce is a sin... Right?
Which sin is cheaper? My divorce was expensive, but God forgives for all sin if you ask, RIGHT???
Then if you are divorced and you remarry, that's a sin, because you're not married to and/or sleeping with your first husband so anyone after that is a sin, right???
So I think you should sin a little in the beginning and live with someone so that you don't end up sinning a whole lot more in the long run.
How's that for reality? It's my true story.
This really ruffles my feathers. First, because it's none of anyone's business if other's live together before marriage. It's a personal choice.
I am not God. No one on this forum is God, so why does someone feel the right to judge others? We'll all have our judgement day.
I do not like people who try to force their religion on others. This post was someone's personal religious belief and should have never been brought up. I am a Christian and I believe in God but that doesn't mean that I'm going to disrespect someone else's personal beliefs. Yes, I pray for those out there who aren't religious, I hope they find the way to God one day. But coming down on them for their sins is not the way to get them there.
Well, it's fine as long as it's not done on the spur of the moment. At the same time, people who think it's a dress rehearsal for marriage are just kidding themselves. While, yes, you share the same address, it's just not the same on so many different levels. Whereas marriage is supposed to be a commitment through thick and thin, most cohabitations I've seen in life are akin to endless dates.
I was dating a man some years ago. We decided to get engaged. I was okay with living together and I am a Christian. He was not okay with it. He is a Christian and so is his whole family.
I respected his wishes because I truly loved him. We didn't live together or even spend a SINGLE night together until we were married.
I knew he liked video games and hanging out with his friends on Sunday afternoons. He was huge into his family so that was a plus.
So we get married.
Within a month, I find that he spends every waking moment on his Xbox or Playstation. Not only will he not help clean at all, he doesn't know how. He doesn't even pick up after himself. Leaves hair on the sink after shaving, leaves plates and glasses wherever they land, pretty much just lazy. He watches porn constantly and then likes to get his rocks off to me, EW!
He never EVER wants to go with me to visit my family(who live 45 minutes away) so I have to go once a week BY MYSELF to visit them. He is constantly visiting his family(who live 15 minutes away) and even got mad like heated at me the one time I didn't go with him to visit his family because I was sick. He wasn't there for me when my grandfather died. Not emotionally, mentally, or physically. That right there was the beginning of the end for me.
We were looking for houses to buy. He picked a house 5 minutes from his mom and dad's house that was brand new with 1600 square foot and a basement on 1 acre for $160,000. He was dead set on this house. Yet, I found a house with 1700 square foot with a double garage, no basement on an acre and a half for $90,000 that was almost exactly halfway between his parents and my parents. Nooooo he wanted the smaller, more expensive, closer to his parent's, house!
So, the moral to my story is REALITY!! Had I lived with my now EX HUSBAND, for even say 2 months before we got married, there wouldn't have been a marriage or a divorce.
So let me get this straight,
1) Living with someone(even without fornication) before marriage is a sin.. Right?
2) Living with someone with fornication before marriage is 2 sins.. Right?
3) Divorce is a sin... Right?
Which sin is cheaper? My divorce was expensive, but God forgives for all sin if you ask, RIGHT???
Then if you are divorced and you remarry, that's a sin, because you're not married to and/or sleeping with your first husband so anyone after that is a sin, right???
So I think you should sin a little in the beginning and live with someone so that you don't end up sinning a whole lot more in the long run.
How's that for reality? It's my true story.
I totally get that. At the same time, didn't all this crap manifest itself before you walked down the aisle? I mean, did he just diddle with his xbox ad nauseam in his free time anyway?
Not harshing on you because your ex really does sound like the village idiot, but why weren't your eyes and ears open before you got married?
I totally get that. At the same time, didn't all this crap manifest itself before you walked down the aisle? I mean, did he just diddle with his xbox ad nauseam in his free time anyway?
Not harshing on you because your ex really does sound like the village idiot, but why weren't your eyes and ears open before you got married?
I knew he had video game systems. I knew he played them at times. Yes.
I had my own place. We were young and he still lived with his parents. So 90% of the time, when we were together, we were either at my place or out doing something together.
So no, I did not know that he spent so much time playing them. I didn't know that when we had our kid, he'd come in from work and say hi to us for 15 minutes and then go off to his games. Or the fact that he wouldn't watch my son for 15 minutes while I took a shower. I stayed home from work for a year(thanks to a layoff) when my son was first born and ate, breathed, and slept him. I was the one who got up with him every night. I cleaned every day constantly. I was exhausted.
We got pregnant on our honeymoon with a birth control screw up. Long story!!
How am I supposed to know a guy is addicted to video games when I don't own one and we never spend time at his house? I learned my lesson. I WILL NOT marry another man that I haven't lived with for a least a year first.
Even the Padre at my church doesn't judge if you cohabitate or have premarital sex. It's a practicality nowadays. I think people who are adamant about impressing their practice on others are living in fantasy land.
I voted "No!" Personally, I think it's gravely immoral because of my Catholic religious beliefs. Around 98% - 99% of couples who are cohabitating are also fornicating. Of course, you can make the argument that the vast majority of unmarried couples cohabitate, but living together turns that into a virtual certainty.
Additionally, couples who cohabitate before marriage have been shown by many surveys to have a significantly higher divorce rates than those that do not shack up. This could be a result of the (potentially) higher religious devotion of couples who do not cohabitate. Another theory I have is that partners who cohabitate are known to live with several partners in a serial fashion. For example, a normal cohabitating individual will live with his girlfriend for two years, break up, take on another girlfriend, move in with her, live with her for a year, then get in a fight with her and break-up, find another girlfriend and move in with her, and so on. This, in my mind, is perfect training for divorce.
quite honestly, no one cares about your religion and what your religion dictates- TO YOU. Moderator cut: No bashing.
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Originally Posted by pokerpokerpoker
Not everybody believes in god so why should we follow him? Only a small minority of all people in the world are catholic.
I don't even want to imagine how boring it would be with a woman who first of all never initiates or shows any sexual desires and if we would get it on it would be missionary only(because anything else is considered "immoral" accoring to hardcore catholics)... No thanks, I'd rather be with a normal woman who doesn't judge me as "immoral" just because im not a catholic.
(a non religions) AMEN! to that!
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Originally Posted by PA2UK
I really don't care what other people do. I did what was right for me and my relationships and I really don't care if someone else thinks what I did was "wrong".
Ditto.
Everyone does what they feel is best for their situation. I lived with hubby for a year and a half before we got married. We were having sex LONG before i moved in (OH NO IM GOING TO HELL.... whatever). been married 14 years this may. whatever we did, it seems to be working just fine.
I dont care what other people do- live together or dont- have sex- or dont- any variation on the above- or not... whatever., its their life,not mine.
Dont judge me and i wont judge you 'k????
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