Husband jealous of my male friend (help!!) (spouse, friendship, problems)
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I've been married for 5 years to my husband. We have had no real issues with our relationship until now.
I recently got back in touch with a male friend that I knew way before I knew my husband. He's a guitarist in a fairly successful local band and I would always go to his shows. We became good friends and confided in one another, although it was never "romantic" and purely platonic. I lost touch with this guy just after I got married, but thanks to Facebook, I found him. Now we also play World Of Warcraft together, as we are both game nerds.
Now we email one another and my friend actually confided in me and told me about how some girl had f'd him over. We spoke for over and hour and I did the right thing and told my hubby, but he didn't say much.
The problem is that my hubby clearly is uncomfortable with my male friend. He told me the other day that he is fine with me having male friends, as long as he trusts them and knows them (????). He doesn't like this particular male friend because he feels inferior to him as he knows I like music and creativity, while my hubby isn't musical. I keep telling him that he has nothing to worry about and that I'd never meet my friend alone without him, but he is now paranoid about us emailing one another and for some reason is upset that my friend confided in me about his personal problems.
We had a massive argument yesterday with him saying "Sorry I don't have any musical talent" and storming off. I don't want to ditch my friend, but what should I do? My husband doesn't like him, but he won't tell me outright to cease contact with this person. Most of the friendship is just over email and World Of Warcraft. I am beside myself as to why he is acting like such a jerk, knowing that I have few friends.
Thank you for listening.
What would you do, if your hubs had a female friend you didn't like. It's the same thing. You know what you should do.
Who the hell is he to get upset over another guy. He's only your husband, so keep your dear and darling male friend.
To all the ladies that agreed with OP,
Just want to remind you something about us Men:
We have a limit when come to Male and Female Friendship even if it is platonic.
We protect what is our, it is in our nature and we can’t change that. Two male Lions brother might share a pride, but not us.
And finally, as Seinfeld said, for a guy perspective, there is only two kind of relationship with a female friend…..
To all the ladies that agreed with OP,
Just want to remind you something about us Men:
We have a limit when come to Male and Female Friendship even if it is platonic.
We protect what is our, it is in our nature and we can’t change that. Two male Lions brother might share a pride, but not us.
And finally, as Seinfeld said, for a guy perspective, there is only two kind of relationship with a female friend…..
Actually, I don't think many people male or female agree that what our OP is doing is "okay".
And how typical, she's disappeared now because she didn't like what the wake up call of reality that most of us have tried to give her
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I tried to respond to some of the replies here, but it wouldn't let me post as it had been closed.
Anyway, I am not cheating and I love my husband very much, but I still don't see why I need to give up my friend. I tried talking to my husband about it on tuesday, but he flat out doesn't seem to want to talk about it and he freezes up when I so much as mention my friends name. If he won't even talk about it, how can we even resolve the problem when he just goes quiet and mopes around? I have suggested inviting my friend over when my husband is there, or going to one of my friends shows. He dodges the issue always and never seems interested, so what am I supposed to do?
This is a non romantic friendship and nothing else. We email one another, talk on the phone occasionally. I would never meet my friend alone without my husband there, but you are treating me as if I am cheating and doing something wrong. I don't get along with other women. Just because my friend is a single guy, so what? Our friendship has never been about sex even when we were both single, or when I was single and he had a long term girlfriend, who weirdly enough was always jealous of me.
So we play WoW together, so what?
I view my friend as a little brother nothing more.
Our friendship has never been about sex even when we were both single, or when I was single and he had a long term girlfriend, who weirdly enough was always jealous of me.
I find this bit of information rather interesting. This guy friend had a serious girlfriend who was always jealous of you. So was there something in your interactions that made her suspicious? It's just strange that his girlfriend and now your husband would be so jealous of a platonic, innocent friendship that consists of online gaming, occasional emails and the rare phone call.
Since your husband now "freezes" when you mention your friend's name and won't talk about it, maybe you can try writing your feelings out in a letter and ask him to respond to that?
You're either bragging that you have a "male friend" or you are completely clueless. There is no room in a marriage for your old "male friend." Ditch him before you husband figures out that he married a woman without proper boundaries and does the smart thing and drops you like a bad of dirt.
Your husband feels threatened.
Until you can figure what is rational and what's irrational ...STOP playing warcraft and communicating with this * old friend * until you and your husband get some counseling.
Find out if you are playing with fire or your husband is an insecure wreck !
I find this bit of information rather interesting. This guy friend had a serious girlfriend who was always jealous of you. So was there something in your interactions that made her suspicious? It's just strange that his girlfriend and now your husband would be so jealous of a platonic, innocent friendship that consists of online gaming, occasional emails and the rare phone call.
Since your husband now "freezes" when you mention your friend's name and won't talk about it, maybe you can try writing your feelings out in a letter and ask him to respond to that?
My friend never loved his ex. He lived with her and stayed with her out of obligation and because he had nowhere to go. She was stupid and gullible enough to believe that he loved her (he told me this so I'm not wrong). This was long before I knew my husband
Write a letter? Why can't he just tell me? The silence is what hurts me more. I already know that he hates my friend and the mere mention of his name, but he wants to just wish the problem away and pretend that my friend doesn't exist, despite the fact that my husband tried to dig up dirt on him to try to convince me that my friend is a bad person.
I tried to respond to some of the replies here, but it wouldn't let me post as it had been closed.
Anyway, I am not cheating and I love my husband very much, but I still don't see why I need to give up my friend. I tried talking to my husband about it on tuesday, but he flat out doesn't seem to want to talk about it and he freezes up when I so much as mention my friends name. If he won't even talk about it, how can we even resolve the problem when he just goes quiet and mopes around? I have suggested inviting my friend over when my husband is there, or going to one of my friends shows. He dodges the issue always and never seems interested, so what am I supposed to do?
This is a non romantic friendship and nothing else. We email one another, talk on the phone occasionally. I would never meet my friend alone without my husband there, but you are treating me as if I am cheating and doing something wrong. I don't get along with other women. Just because my friend is a single guy, so what? Our friendship has never been about sex even when we were both single, or when I was single and he had a long term girlfriend, who weirdly enough was always jealous of me.
So we play WoW together, so what?
I view my friend as a little brother nothing more.
The fact that 99% of all posters here side with your husband should be a wake up call for you.
Yet you persist in digging in your heels like a little child who wants what they want when they want it
Make an appt with a marriage counselor ASAP. Maybe THEY can get thru to you when none of the rest of us (including your husband) can.
To so totally disregard your husband and his feelings speaks volumes about your lack of committment to him. I hope for his sake you open your eyes and work on that.
Last edited by lovesMountains; 03-10-2011 at 11:44 AM..
seems like your friend is more important to you than your husband, so you should probably drop your husband and just hang out with this guy all day.
It's not about being insecure, its about not being naive. I go through this sometimes with some of my gf's guy friends. I know a lot of them have no respect, morals, ambition, and I also know that guys usually want to just get with their friends that are female. It's been stated, its true, and unless you aren't desirable, your husband is aware as well.
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