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I give you kudos for being honest and not just getting all giddy and jumping all over the proposal while it's true that a proposal doesn't mean marriage (i.e., you can have a long engagement) I get your point.
From his POV, he's worked up the courage, went out on a limb and put his heart way out there by asking you. This is a huge step for most men, so it's understandable that he's distant.
If you're not ready to be married and you've made it clear then that's all you can do and you stuck to your beliefs and that's good. I think some women get so wrapped up in the proposal moment and say "yes" before even thinking about what it really means....
I think if you talk to him and remind him that you are just not even in the mindset yet for marriage and that while you love that he asked you, he's got to respect your wishes. Stick to your guns.
I have made it clear to him on numerous occasions that I do not see myself getting married before my mid 30's. I was blind-sided by the proposal since we did talk at lengths about waiting. His reasoning for the proposal was that since we've moved in together and things have been going well it was (in his mind) the next logical step.
The last time we discussed marriage (and I told him I see myself being with him) I told him I would feel rushed if I got married anytime in the next 5 years or so.
I do not want to accept an engagement ring when it may be 5-10 years or possibly more before Im ready to get married.
Well sounds like he may not want to wait 5 more years for marriage. Not saying you should do something you're not ready to however, be prepared for the consequences that come with your decision and if they are worth it.
As I stated in another Thread concerning marriages, not all men and women want to "live together" for ever! He thinks it's time and you don't. Only thing is, if you two have discussed marriage before and you specifically told him you're not ready and won't be for a number of years, why did he go the route of buying an engagement ring? Perhaps, in his mind, seeing the engagement ring would change your mind.
One thing FOR SURE, you two are on different pages! Sounds like he REALLY wants to marry you and that also means that your relationship with him has a major problem. Sure doesn't take a "shrink" to tell you that!
Good luck, however.
Without getting into the details, my boyfriend of 14 months proposed to me last week (ring and all) and I said no, explaining that Im not ready at this point in time to make that type of commitment (Im 25). He understands my reasoning, but I guess my question is... I think I may have crushed him, hes understandably been distant since. Is there any way to recover from this? I love him a lot and want to be with him but I'm hesitant about marrying him at this point in time.
First off, if marrying him at this point wasn't/isn't on your agenda, then you have nothing to be ashamed of by saying no...
However, I do think you two should talk things through, so that he knows WHY you said no, and so that you can head off a possible rift in your current relationship...
If the young man is a thinker, then after his getting over the initial shock, he may come to realize that you are indeed a prize worth having, and worth waiting for, and he may approach you with the idea of 'talking things out'...I really hope he doesn't choose to 'turtle up' (retreat inward) and shut you out...I also hope he can rationalize that your initial 'no' doesn't necessarily mean 'no forever'...
It took me til age 48 (I'm 55 now LOL), thru 3 marriages/divorces, to find the one I was meant to be with, so it can/does happen...you sound like a very level-headed young woman, and it sounds like your fella loves you very much, and wants to be with you...I hope you two patch things up, and realize that if you were truly meant for each other, then he needs to be patient
When women cry because their man doesn’t propose to them, women normally tell those women “Dump him, he’s not interested in you. If he loved you, he would have bought your ring already and proposed…He’s not serious, leave him at once…†can that be applied here too or not?
i'm sorry but HER feelings are not "more important" than his, in a relationship both should be equal. no this does not mean marry someone so you don't hurt their feelings, if the OP is not ready then she did the right thing. but she must understand that he may not get over it and may simply move on.
he obviously felt strongly for her, and a rejected proposal just swept the rug out from under him. if that his fault or hers, probably both. he probably gave some hints that were overlooked by her, just like he mistook her regular talk of waiting for marriage as the typical woman's method of reverse psychology. keep in mind that a man is not going to ask for marriage if he THINKS the answer will be no, so by rejecting him she has shown him he really does not know her at all.
in the last couple years before i proposed my wife would often tell me she did not want to get married any time soon. but she would tell her girlfriends that she wished we had married several years before and that i needed to hurry up and propose. i found this out AFTER i asked her, but prior to asking i highly suspected her answer would be yes.
I have made it clear to him on numerous occasions that I do not see myself getting married before my mid 30's. I was blind-sided by the proposal since we did talk at lengths about waiting. His reasoning for the proposal was that since we've moved in together and things have been going well it was (in his mind) the next logical step.
The last time we discussed marriage (and I told him I see myself being with him) I told him I would feel rushed if I got married anytime in the next 5 years or so.
I do not want to accept an engagement ring when it may be 5-10 years or possibly more before Im ready to get married.
Then cut him loose! It is cruel to hang on to him when he can't move forward with the kind of life he's decided he wants for himself.
I dont play games. None of the normal reverse physiology or weird tricks and other bs women like to pull in order to get their man to pop the question. I put no artificial wind in his sail. I havent spoken a word about marraige to him for over 2 months and that last convo consisted of the same "not for a while" stuff I discussed earlier.
Im perplexed as to why he's not listening to me. Unfortunately it had to get to this point in order for him to actually get the point and now hes devastated and I feel awful. None of this should have happened. I was very clear.
I dont play games. None of the normal reverse physiology or weird tricks and other bs women like to pull in order to get their man to pop the question. I put no artificial wind in his sail. I havent spoken a word about marraige to him for over 2 months and that last convo consisted of the same "not for a while" stuff I discussed earlier.
Im perplexed as to why he's not listening to me. Unfortunately it had to get to this point in order for him to actually get the point and now hes devastated and I feel awful. None of this should have happened.
But it did so time to just sit him down and talk, explain that it's not because you don't love him but it's because you were taken aback since you thought he was clear about your marriage timeframe... it's all you can really do.
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