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Would you have been able to save up the money you have been able to if you're parents hadn't allowed you to live at home?
No, probably not, which my mom always reminds me of that fact. I'm not willing to empty out my savings to help them though, if that's what you're suggesting. That's just not smart. I'm a single person and I have to think of my own future and finances. At least they have each other.
No, probably not, which my mom always reminds me of that fact. I'm not willing to empty out my savings to help them though, if that's what you're suggesting. That's just not smart. I'm a single person and I have to think of my own future and finances. At least they have each other.
I'm not, but I also think you need to recognize that you owe them big time. You're mom is using it to guilt you, which I don't agree with.
But at the same time you do need to realize that they gave you a free place to stay which allowed you to save money and get yourself off to a very solid financial start.
Like I said, I'd help them but I'd attach conditions to it. Clearly they're unwise with their money habits and unless they're willing to see a credit counselor, consider selling the house, AND sell pricey vehicles that they don't need then I wouldn't be willing to help them.
If you give in and help them now with no strings attached they learn nothing and will continue to make the same financial mistakes.
I totally get not wanting to move back in with them, but if you're almost 30 and only moved out 9 months ago, that sounds like they helped you by allowing you to live with them rent-free for almost 12 years, after you became an adult. That's a LONG time! And I can totally understand why your parents might ask you for help, now that the tables have turned.
I don't know what the answer is, but it does seem like if you were willing to live with them for 12 years because it benefitted you financially, it's only fair for them to expect you to do the same when it would benefit them.
Your point is valid, but I think you still hold a duty to aid them somehow.
If your dad is starting a business then why is he needing mortgage money, or even having mortgage problems? I would say that if all three of you can draw up a plan of action, then it would be good.
I'm not, but I also think you need to recognize that you owe them big time. You're mom is using it to guilt you, which I don't agree with.
But at the same time you do need to realize that they gave you a free place to stay which allowed you to save money and get yourself off to a very solid financial start.
Like I said, I'd help them but I'd attach conditions to it. Clearly they're unwise with their money habits and unless they're willing to see a credit counselor, consider selling the house, AND sell pricey vehicles that they don't need then I wouldn't be willing to help them.
Since my mom is constantly borrowing money from me, I've tried to talk to her many times about getting her finances in order, but she doesn't want to hear it. She just wants me to give her money when she asks for it, no questions or comments. Like I said, my dad has never asked me for money until recently, so there's no reason for me to talk to him about his finances. I don't think he's horrible with money, in general.
As for me living with them for as long as I did, they never wanted me to move out. Whenever I would talk about moving out, my mom would get upset and try to convince me not to, but I eventually decided that it was time to go and my dad wasn't having financial problems at that time. I appreciate the fact that they put me through college and allowed me to live with them for so long, but I definitely wasn't being a mooch and they wanted me to be there. I was working full time and was not a financial burden to them in any way.
My heart goes out to you. Without knowing more it sounds like there are several complicated issues going on which kind of makes it hard to say. Below is some good advice. I hope things work out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Ok, I'll be the bad person that says it.
IF the parents have discretionary income that is going towards cars and things, then no I would not move back in, nor would I offer to send money on a monthly basis having already lent thousands.
I would suggest taking a lodger to help generate cash. I realize that this is not as normal in the US, but it's very normal in countries like the UK (the government even has a 'rent a room program' for tax purposes) and it's a good way to get some extra income. I know lots of families who have had a lodger at one time or another.
If they have done EVERYTHING they could do themselves (car sold, not spending lots of extra cash on silly stuff) then I would consider moving back in for an agreed upon period, but you will generate a lot of extra expense moving back in.
I frankly don't think it's fair that they're asking you this, sorry you have to deal with it.
Since my mom is constantly borrowing money from me, I've tried to talk to her many times about getting her finances in order, but she doesn't want to hear it. She just wants me to give her money when she asks for it, no questions or comments. Like I said, my dad has never asked me for money until recently, so there's no reason for me to talk to him about his finances. I don't think he's horrible with money, in general.
As for me living with them for as long as I did, they never wanted me to move out. Whenever I would talk about moving out, my mom would get upset and try to convince me not to, but I eventually decided that it was time to go and my dad wasn't having financial problems at that time. I appreciate the fact that they put me through college and allowed me to live with them for so long, but I definitely wasn't being a mooch and they wanted me to be there. I was working full time and was not a financial burden to them in any way.
Whether they wanted you to move out or not, you chose to stay way beyond what is normal for an adult child.
But like I said, if your mom isn't willing to get help with her financial problems then I'd tell them no. In fact, I'd stop loaning any money to your mom at all. She might get upset, but you're just enabling her to continue to do stupid things with her own money.
This is such a tough situation. On the one hand, I feel that your parents have made some huge financial mistakes and it's hard to know if they will ever choose to correct them unless and until they have no other choice. You moving back in will put a band-aid on the problem, but it will not truly close the wound. If they cannot afford the house they have, they should sell and move some place cheaper. Or, they could sell your mom's overpriced car and use that to buy some time trying to get your dad's business to rake in more money. Someone had a great suggestion to find someone to rent out a room in their house to generate more income. There are several options.
However, I also agree with the others that it sounds like your parents made some huge contributions to the fact that you're now in such a favorable position. They put you through college so that you don't have $50K of student loans to pay off (as several of my friends do.) They allowed you to live at home for only the cost of utilities for 7 years afterward, which allowed you to save a good deal of money. Yes, they may have liked having you at home, but don't think that changes the fact that you got a huge financial payoff from it.
So, I have several questions.
1. If you were financially ruined tomorrow (let's assume some medical emergency or what have you plus you lost your job and burned through your savings), would you ask your parents to let you move back in with them or would you go to a homeless shelter?
2. Is there any compromise you could make? Could you move into a cheaper place and use some of your savings to help them out temporarily? Yes, I know that *you* saved that money, but realistically you wouldn't have been able to save nearly so much had it not been for your free ride through college that they paid for, nor your rent-free years at home. Perhaps you could attach this to a time limit and require that they take measures to fix their own problems (like your mom has to sell the car, etc.) Or you could make it contingent on them finding a boarder to take over your room at their house... something to generate extra income.
1. If you were financially ruined tomorrow (let's assume some medical emergency or what have you plus you lost your job and burned through your savings), would you ask your parents to let you move back in with them or would you go to a homeless shelter?
I would most likely ask to move back in with my parents. For the record, my parents won't be homeless if they lose their house. My dad owns another home that they would move to. It just happens to pale in comparison to their current home, which is why my mom doesn't want to move there. Also, if I were to buy my own house, they would always be welcome to live with me if they needed to. I just don't want to go back to living with them in THEIR house.
Moving into a cheaper place isn't really an option for me. As for them getting a boarder, I'm sure they don't want a stranger in the house, and I doubt they could charge as much money as they need for someone just renting out a room.
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