Parents want me to move back in to help with their mortgage... (how to, guys)
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I'm an only child, almost 30 years old, and had been living with my parents my whole life (except for when I went away to college) up until about 9 months ago when I moved out. I've really been enjoying living on my own and having my own place, and I haven't missed living with my parents at all (they live about 10 minutes away, so I see them at least once a week anyways).
When I was living with my parents, I didn't pay rent, but I did pay utilities (things like heat, electric, water, phone, internet, cable, etc.), and obviously I paid for all my own personal bills/items. My dad pays all of the mortgage and my mom pays for groceries for the two of them, furnishings for the house, and her own personal expenses. She also now pays the heat/electric bill since I'm not there anymore.
My mom's job doesn't pay very much, but she's not very responsible with money because my dad has always paid the major bills. Pretty much all of the money she earns goes toward an overpriced car that she should never have bought in the first place and the rest goes towards paying off her credit card debt. She has no savings of her own and no active credit cards, so she frequently needs to borrow money from me when it's not her week to get paid.
My dad is self-employed and over the past couple of months, his business has started to go downhill because of problems he didn't take care of in the past that are now starting to catch up with him. My dad has never asked me for money (he hates having to ask anyone for money), but he recently had to borrow $5000 from his father, and he also borrowed $4000 from me. I did not mind lending him the money because I know he wouldn't ask for it unless he really needed it. Even if he is unable to pay it back, I won't be devastated about it because I don't believe in lending more than I can afford to lose. Both my mom and dad have poor credit, so they have not been able to get a loan to help them with their financial problems.
So basically, my mom is worried that they're going to lose the house so she called me today asking if I would be willing to move back in with them once my lease is up in a few months to help them pay the mortgage. I have very little debt, excellent credit, and have managed to build up a decent savings. I make a decent salary, but it's not enough to pay their entire mortgage and since my dad's income is kind of shaky right now, I don't know that I'd be able to rely on him to pay the amount that I couldn't (and my mom is obviously no help towards the mortgage).
Basically, I feel like if the two of them can't afford the house together, they should move elsewhere, but my mom is obviously very attached to the house and doesn't want to move. She puts a guilt trip on me about how they've done so much for me (which is true), so I should move back in and help them out, otherwise I'm being "selfish" and "uncaring". My mom is a very giving person, and she's always trying to help her extended family (who also constantly have money problems) out whenever she can, so she expects me to do the same.
If I knew for sure that me moving back in temporarily would help, I would. However, I don't know how long it will take for my dad's business to get back on track, and I don't want it to be a situation where they can't afford the mortgage without me so I have to live with them indefinitely. Worse yet, I don't want it to be a situation where I move back in and my dad still can't pay his portion of the mortgage, so they end up losing the house anyway and I would have given up my own place for nothing.
Like I said, I really like living on my own and have no desire whatsoever to move back in with them. I would like to buy a home of my own within the next couple of years (I don't have any interest in buying their home), and I just don't think moving back in with them is a step in the right direction for me. My dad has not even asked me to move back in, but my mom is going to have a discussion with him tonight (most likely to persuade him to let me think that moving back in would definitely keep them from losing the house).
think of it like this, if you move back in and his business fails then they will still lose the house. then all 3 of you will be homeless. unless you want to live under their roof, you need to just say no you can't do it. your mom can sell her overpriced car if it is that much of a burden, or since they have crap credit anyway just let it be repo'ed if she can't sell it for enough to pay the loan off.
Your parents are in trouble and you're asking strangers about how to handle this situation involving your family
Not just strangers, but the oddity crowd of City-Data
You asked me how I will handle it if I were in your shoes. I'd flex every inch of my muscle to lift "my" family out of their financial mess. But that's just me, which is why I am going to become a great husband and an awesome Dad, like my father.
Can you tell them you will assist them in keeping things afloat only until the house is sold? If they put the house up now- they may get an offer before your lease is up. If not you can move in temporarily until it sells.
If the house is not for sale- I wouldn't move in with them. Once you are back home they have even less incentive to straighten things out for themselves.
If the house is not for sale- I wouldn't move in with them. Once you are back home they have even less incentive to straighten things out for themselves.
It's not for sale. The whole point of me moving in would be so that they can keep the house.
Antlered Chamataka, I just wanted to know if most others have my "selfish" point of view or if they'd be willing to move back in with their parents. I'm going to make my own decision regardless. I haven't been on CD in a quite a while so correct me if I'm wrong, but do you happen to belong to a culture where adult children are expected to live with their parents and take care of them?
I don't think you should move back home with them. However, that being said they did allow you to live under their roof rent free for way longer than they should have.
Honestly, I'd contact their bank and ask them if they have anyone there that offers any sort of credit counseling or services. Then I'd approach them and say, "I won't move back home, but I will help you out anyway I can. That being said, my help does come with strings attached. I want you guys to talk to this credit counselor through your bank so that you can begin to repair your credit and become more financially secure. I also want you to seriously consider selling the home, as much as you may be attached to it, if you don't sell it you stand a very good chance of losing it. I can help but I don't have the means to save you from foreclosure if it get's that bad."
IF the parents have discretionary income that is going towards cars and things, then no I would not move back in, nor would I offer to send money on a monthly basis having already lent thousands.
I would suggest taking a lodger to help generate cash. I realize that this is not as normal in the US, but it's very normal in countries like the UK (the government even has a 'rent a room program' for tax purposes) and it's a good way to get some extra income. I know lots of families who have had a lodger at one time or another.
If they have done EVERYTHING they could do themselves (car sold, not spending lots of extra cash on silly stuff) then I would consider moving back in for an agreed upon period, but you will generate a lot of extra expense moving back in.
I frankly don't think it's fair that they're asking you this, sorry you have to deal with it.
Having to pay rent of my own doesn't leave me with any extra money to just hand to them. At least not enough that would help towards their mortgage.
Would you have been able to save up the money you have been able to if you're parents hadn't allowed you to live at home?
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