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Well, me and this lady whom I am talking to had a text argument tonight. Basically what happened was that she told me she is scared of falling in love and getting attached with me and I replied by saying "why be afraid of that? What do you want? To be stuck where you are in life because of your douchebag ex husband and complain that you are lonely all the time?" I didn't mean to say the word complain because I truly don't mind her opening up to me but she got mad because of that and because she thought my message came off rude and harsh.
Well, I apologized and told her that wasn't the case at all and I wasn't trying to interpreted that all but she just wasn't having any of it and basically blew me off and said she doesn't want to deal with me and that I am just another ******* in her back etc.
So I understood her and basically apologized for what might have came off as a bit harsh but she just wasn't trying to understand that I was just simply telling her that she shouldn't worry about something that can be potentially great between us. She also got mad because I told her she's blowing everything out of proportion and that she's sort of flying off the handle.
Basically, I feel like crap right now because I feel like she was being way too defensive and guarded and just wasn't trying to accept my apology and hear me out but calls me an ******* and says she's not taking crap from someone 6 years younger than her. Meanwhile, I let her speak her peace, understood her and apologized for how she took what I said as an attack but still tried getting my point across and at the same time just trying to nullify the situation with light hearted stuff like saying "lets just hug it out" etc.
What the hell? I feel like I handled this situation like adults should, I don't know, maybe I am SO wrong but I am not noticing how wrong I am? Or have I did what I had to do and she's just not trying to own up to her mistakes and maybe knows she overreacted?
Ugh. I don't know why I bother trying to find love.
Well Lital... u may have been a little harsh and slightly insensitive, but it is not wrong to tell someone how u feel or to stand up for yourself enough to get your point across. Sometimes it really is not what u say, but how u say it. She probably was really trying to see how if the two of u are feeling the same thing. It sounds like your lady friend has baggage from bad relationship. She may make u pay for it. Especially since there is an age difference. She may see u as a boy and treat u accordingly. Then u will get caught up in having to prove ur a man and her equal in the relationship. U may want to think about this in terms of what is best for u. She sounds hi-maintenance. If u don't mind go for it. Don't beat yourself up -men say stuff all the time... It's what u guys do. U apologized and that is enough, so let it be. Good luck to u
Well, me and this lady whom I am talking to had a text argument tonight. Basically what happened was that she told me she is scared of falling in love and getting attached with me and I replied by saying "why be afraid of that? What do you want? To be stuck where you are in life because of your douchebag ex husband and complain that you are lonely all the time?" I didn't mean to say the word complain because I truly don't mind her opening up to me but she got mad because of that and because she thought my message came off rude and harsh.
Well, I apologized and told her that wasn't the case at all and I wasn't trying to interpreted that all but she just wasn't having any of it and basically blew me off and said she doesn't want to deal with me and that I am just another ******* in her back etc.
So I understood her and basically apologized for what might have came off as a bit harsh but she just wasn't trying to understand that I was just simply telling her that she shouldn't worry about something that can be potentially great between us. She also got mad because I told her she's blowing everything out of proportion and that she's sort of flying off the handle.
Basically, I feel like crap right now because I feel like she was being way too defensive and guarded and just wasn't trying to accept my apology and hear me out but calls me an ******* and says she's not taking crap from someone 6 years younger than her. Meanwhile, I let her speak her peace, understood her and apologized for how she took what I said as an attack but still tried getting my point across and at the same time just trying to nullify the situation with light hearted stuff like saying "lets just hug it out" etc.
What the hell? I feel like I handled this situation like adults should, I don't know, maybe I am SO wrong but I am not noticing how wrong I am? Or have I did what I had to do and she's just not trying to own up to her mistakes and maybe knows she overreacted?
Ugh. I don't know why I bother trying to find love.
Having an argument via text is akin to cutting the lawn with a pair of scissors. Why would you be so silly? Pick up the damn phone and talk. No one can tell anything about what you are saying, when they are reading it. TONE is at least 50% of a conversation. Without it, you can't possibly have a conversation with anyone.
THAT is where you messed up. Yeah...pretty dumb. But learn from it.
I agree - why argue by text? Text can be very misleading.
But also maybe you should move on. Why would she just complain about being lonely but keep using her ex-husband as an excuse? She may just enjoy her own pity-party too much to be any kind of companion.
Having an argument via text is akin to cutting the lawn with a pair of scissors. Why would you be so silly? Pick up the damn phone and talk. No one can tell anything about what you are saying, when they are reading it. TONE is at least 50% of a conversation. Without it, you can't possibly have a conversation with anyone.
THAT is where you messed up. Yeah...pretty dumb. But learn from it.
I did call her, but she was so mad that she was "too angry" to talk over the phone. I tried finding a common ground and explaining to her 100 times how the tone was nothing like she imagined it to be. She just started giving me crap about how she's not going to be "talked down" by someone 6 years younger than her etc (she's 30 I am 24). It pissed me off because she just seemed to not want to listen to reason or at least notice that I was just trying to make peace. She also seemed like she didn't like the fact that I told her that she blew things out of proportion and that she is flying off the handle.
I agree - why argue by text? Text can be very misleading.
But also maybe you should move on. Why would she just complain about being lonely but keep using her ex-husband as an excuse? She may just enjoy her own pity-party too much to be any kind of companion.
Yeah, I agree. She definitely lets all the negative prevent her from exploring any positive. She's scared of falling in love but she always wants it, I just don't understand why she just won't go for it?
I just kind of want to drop the relationship because I don't deserve this B.S.. I brought her a present for her birthday (that JUST passed) and she's focusing on me being an "*******", it makes me just want to break a hole through the wall.
Regardless, I ended the conversation by telling her I still love her and I have no hard feelings, just so there won't be any tension but she just seems to stubborn and stuck in her ways of bad relationships to accept my approach.
Everyone is right on something, but I would probably feel offended if someone told me that when I was being vulerable. I mean I don't know but if you have had a bad past or a past that you don't want to remember, you might want to feel defensive and guarded about it. Yeah, I understand that you were just telling her how you feel but I don't think that was a good idea either. That probably had trigger her memories and pain. You apologized and that's what really matters so don't feel too bad. Sometimes people just don't see that they are stuck and really need help (whether it is therapy or not), and it's really hard for someone to see something that they can't see yet. If she decided to keep acting like that when you already apologized, just forget about it and move on.
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