Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My boyfriend of one year and I broke up about 2 months ago. I found out that he was cheating on me with another woman. It was a woman he had told me he had broken up with years ago and I found out he had been with her about 1/2 of our relationship. When I found out I totallly freaked! I got in touch with the other woman and let her know about me. She wanted to meet me and for me to show her pictures of the two of us together. I did. She has since moved to California, where my ex may or may not be moving to.
I was friends with my ex's mother. I met her on several occasions. The day of the breakup, beside myself, I called her. She lives in Oregon. I told her that her son had been cheating and that he had plans to move with this woman to California. She told me he wasn't but was sorry I was in such pain. She is on oxygen for emphysema but other that the tank, in very good health and goes out all the time, plays pool...etc I left him really mean texts the day of the breakup. Telling him he had a penis of a 6th grader, he sucked as an electrician, and much more. He went to the cops with my texts that day and they just told me to stay away from him - which I have until this morning. I behaved very immature for a 46 yr old woman. I felt so betrayed. He said he loved me and was taking me to Colorado on a vacation(2 days before the breakup) and the next day I find out he has been sleeping with another woman and planning to move with her to California. I was devastated. I called him this morning to say that I was sorry for the mean things I said that day. I told him that this was not an attempt at a reconciliation but I just wanted it to be not so bitter....for me, I guess. He said, we had absolutely nothing to talk about and there was no reason for us to communicate with one another EVER again! He said that I upset his 78 yr old mother on oxygen, he said the cops are constantly watching me and that all I care about is myself and my hurt and no one else's. I said, I was sorry and I would never contact him again. I don't know why I even called him! He treated me terrible for one year. I sent him a final text this morning, apologizing for contacting his mother and the immature way I handled the breakup. I wanted to say I'm sorry (I wrote) to make peace with myself and to aplogize for the things I did out of anger and obviously without thinking. I feel at a closure now and ready to move forward....I think? The breakup started on our one year anniversary - I paid for a beautiful hotel room and he left to go be with the other woman and then came back at 12 midnight (he said he had to leave to do work). That night I saw texts in his phone of how great their sex life is and how wonderful he is. I was blindsided. Am I to blame? Did I go overboard freaking out? How can I come to terms with this.....I am beating myself up and feel guilty for the way I handled this....Any advice?
Last edited by kimbey; 04-11-2011 at 11:41 AM..
Reason: add more info
If the OP read from the guys perspective 'i cheated, but now this woman calls my mom, keeps texting' I would say what he did was wrong, but that the girl was a stalker.
Leave this guy alone, he didnt treat you well, didnt respect you. Don't contact him ever again, or his mother, it will just lead to more issues.
I know, now I feel like a friggin stalker! I can't win. What a nightmare I got myself involved in. I just wanted to apologize, should have just kept my mouth shout and gave my apologies to God.!.!
My boyfriend of one year and I broke up about 2 months ago. I found out that he was cheating on me with another woman. It was a woman he had told me he had broken up with years ago and I found out he had been with her about 1/2 of our relationship. When I found out I totallly freaked! I got in touch with the other woman and let her know about me. She wanted to meet me and for me to show her pictures of the two of us together. I did. She has since moved to California, where my ex may or may not be moving to.
I was friends with my ex's mother. I met her on several occasions. The day of the breakup, beside myself, I called her. She lives in Oregon. I told her that her son had been cheating and that he had plans to move with this woman to California. She told me he wasn't but was sorry I was in such pain. She is on oxygen for emphysema but other that the tank, in very good health and goes out all the time, plays pool...etc I left him really mean texts the day of the breakup. Telling him he had a penis of a 6th grader, he sucked as an electrician, and much more. He went to the cops with my texts that day and they just told me to stay away from him - which I have until this morning. I behaved very immature for a 46 yr old woman. I felt so betrayed. He said he loved me and was taking me to Colorado on a vacation(2 days before the breakup) and the next day I find out he has been sleeping with another woman and planning to move with her. I was devastated. I called him this morning to say that I was sorry for the mean things I said that day. I told him that this was not an attempt at a reconciliation but I just wanted it to be not so bitter....for me, I guess. He said, we had absolutely nothing to talk about and there was no reason for us to communicate with one another EVER again! He said that I upset his 78 yr old mother on oxygen, he said the cops are constantly watching me and that all I care about is myself and my hurt and no one else's. I said, I was sorry and I would never contact him again. I don't know why I even called him! He treated me terrible for one year. I sent him a final text this morning, apologizing for contacting his mother and the immature way I handled the breakup. I wanted to say I'm sorry (I wrote) to make peace with myself and to aplogize for the things I did out of anger and obviously without thinking. I feel at a closure now and ready to move forward....I think? The breakup started on our one year anniversary - I paid for a beautiful hotel room and he left to go be with the other woman and then came back at 12 midnight (he said he had to leave to do work). That night I saw texts in his phone of how great their sex life is and how wonderful he is. I was blindsided. Am I to blame? Did I go overboard freaking out? How can I come to terms with this.....I am beating myself up and feel guilty for the way I handled this....Any advice?
You are totally at fault, and he was perhaps seeing another woman while he was with you because you weren't 100% committed to the relationship, sorry but that's what you would get when you don't put in your 100% into the relationship. Also, you should stay away from him since he made it so clear, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for affecting the health of his ailing old mother, you are obviously unworthy of any relationship, you should perhaps stay single for the rest of your life, you aren't built for relationships.
I know, now I feel like a friggin stalker! I can't win. What a nightmare I got myself involved in. I just wanted to apologize, should have just kept my mouth shout and gave my apologies to God.!.!
Yep, you are, and you could go to jail if you do it all over again.
Kimbey, I think the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself and not let any person get to you that way. I can't imagine how much it hurts and I do empathize with you but at the same time you know your worth. At least you found out before it was too late nonetheless it is all about you now take the time to cater to your needs and nobody else's. Learn to love yourself through it all, get rid of the guilt - because you were only acting out of hurt- and nobody thinks coherently when they are hurt. It is not right what he or you did but I can definitely understand why you would react the way that you did but at the same time understand that hopefully you could move on from this over time having learned something from it and move on to meet a man who would love you the way you deserve to be loved.
You are totally at fault, and he was perhaps seeing another woman while he was with you because you weren't 100% committed to the relationship, sorry but that's what you would get when you don't put in your 100% into the relationship. Also, you should stay away from him since he made it so clear, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for affecting the health of his ailing old mother, you are obviously unworthy of any relationship, you should perhaps stay single for the rest of your life, you aren't built for relationships.
There is never an excuse for cheating. If you are unhappy with someone and interested in someone else - you break off the relationship.
However, she should stay away from him and hopefully learn from her mistakes.
Why on earth would you tell someone that they aren't built for relationships? Yes - she made a mess of things - but your post is ridiculous.
Beating yourself over this issue is not going to make anything better or change anything. Your best bet is to move on, accept the consequences of your action and learn from the experience. Hopefully this experience does not taint your ability to have a great relationship with the next person you meet.
If you're looking for validation that the guy was a rat b@stard, you've got it. Foisting your anger and pain on his mother was totally uncalled for. You'll probably get plenty of lashes over that from people on this board, so consider that your penance, move on, and resolve to handle your relationship problems with more dignity and a sense of taking the high road next time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
